


Repulsive Beauty

by Thats_My_Type



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Body Image, Body Worship, Can We Soften Hisoka?, Comfort, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Heaven's Arena Arc (Hunter X Hunter), Oral Sex, Piercings, Praise Kink, Rough Oral Sex, Sad, Shower Sex, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Smutty, Tattoos, brief noncon mention, hunterxhunter - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:29:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 45,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25888867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thats_My_Type/pseuds/Thats_My_Type
Summary: I was strong enough to beat Hisoka Morow in Heaven's arena, but am I strong enough to survive his version of affection? Am I even strong enough to survive without it?
Relationships: Hisoka (Hunter X Hunter)/You, Hisoka (Hunter x Hunter)/Reader, Hisoka/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 110
Kudos: 389





	1. On Defeat

I sat heavily in the cafe chair, toying with the condensation clinging to my glass. Is it too late to back out?   
I’ve known of Hisoka for a few years now, I took the hunter exam with him the year he mutilated that examiner. We’ve never spoken, and I assume he only knows my name from when he agreed to fight me. He was already above the 200th floor by the time I had my debut here at Heaven’s Arena.   
Hisoka is a household name around here, though I’m sure his reputation also precedes him elsewhere. I vividly remember the first encounter I had with him. We were all standing in near silence waiting for phase one to start, and the air felt heavy with tension before he even arrived.   
My badge number was 14, being a goody two shoes as I am, I was overly punctual to the exam grounds. Hisoka was one of the last to come in, I think his badge was something like 322. I didn’t even notice him until I smelled strawberry, which stuck out like a sore thumb in the sweaty and dank waiting area. In hindsight he must have been suppressing his nen pretty significantly with zetzu for me to have not noticed him until he was close enough to smell. When I turned to find the source of the strange, sweet smell, my stomach tied in knots. I could tell just looking at him that he was dangerous beyond comprehension. He oozed terror.  
As intrigued as I was at the time, I was certainly too scared to introduce myself.

A clock on a nearby church rang 5, snapping me out of my memory. So only an hour then, until my fight. Is it even worth the risk? Of all of the floor masters I could have chosen to challenge, why did I choose Hisoka?

One change of clothes and some warming up later, I stood by the gate to the arena, staring determinedly straight ahead, trying not to think too deeply about how painful this was going to be.  
The bell rang and I walked onto the platform, blinded by the spotlights, deafened by the roaring crowd and silenced by the sheer presence of the man before me. I had been watching his fights to study his nen, but he’s much more intimidating up close. Something about his lack of concern, how casual he always is. It’s unsettling. I could feel myself already planning my defences, but I can’t win on defence alone. I’ll have to strike quickly if I want even a chance of survival nevermind winning.   
I focused on bringing my nen tight to my body, highly concentrated and poised for use. The only upper hand I have is knowing Hisoka’s nen abilities. On the flip side of that coin, I would be shocked if Hisoka had any knowledge of mine.   
The last bell rang, I could only hear my own breathing. Not the crowd. Not Hisoka’s knuckles cracking. Only my breath.   
He must have sensed my eagerness to move to the offence because it wasn’t more than one second before he lunged at me, fists clenched. His eyes looked so bored though. He was underestimating me.   
I dodged easily and we continued this tirade of him chasing me and me making narrow escapes. I have to follow my own advice, you never win playing offence.  
His next attack was a kick aimed straight for my head. I knew I had no chance in getting an attack as he was attacking me, I had to buy myself half a second to turn the tables.   
His knee grazed my shoulder, and I took that one moment to reach my hand up and push his thigh as hard as I could, throwing him off balance. I knew he would still land on his feet, but it was enough.   
He was forced into a flip, and landed facing away from me. It gave me enough time to put some space between us and to summon my nen whips, one in each hand, though I hid my left whip with In. I stood facing him for what seemed like eons before he turned around, with that sickeningly handsome smile over his shoulder. I could finally feel him summon his nen, which was my cue to use just enough gyo to keep an eye on his bungee gum.   
“I’m not sure what you plan to do with your little whip. But you should know, sweetheart, that I’ve always been a fan of such things~” his voice was a seductive coo, his eyes barely open; like a relaxed cat laying in a sunny window.   
With just the slightest twist of his wrist he conjured his cards. He took a few steps towards me, slowly, like he was afraid of scaring me off.   
With no further hesitation, he flicked a single card at me, which would have struck between my eyes had I not cocked my head just a bit.   
“Quite the reflex, I’m impressed... Why is your pouty, little face so faintly familiar to me? I can’t imagine I’d met you in the past and not bothered to either kill you or sleep with you.~”  
My ‘pouty little determined face’ quickly soured. He’s trying to get in my head.   
“There’s no inbetween huh?” I spat.  
“Oh, she speaks after all. To answer your question, no. There is no inbetween. Not for a woman like you~” His head tilted to the side and I saw him lower his gaze to my chest, most definitely trying to get a rise out of me.  
But then he slipped, he peeked at my whip. He’s curious.   
“Well… So be it then. Make your choice.” I taunted.   
Another card, at the speed of light coming towards me. I hadn’t even seen him move this time. But this time it’s only aimed at my arm. Instead of sparing my arm, I enhanced my gyo again, and watched the card as it approached me, hit me, stuck into my upper left bicep. As I expected, this time he’d attached his bungee gum.   
Perfect.  
“Darling it’s no fun if you’re not going to even try.~” Hisoka pouted from across the arena, letting his shoulders slump.  
“We both know I couldn’t have dodged that without taking damage. Why bother if I can spend that time more wisely?” I lied.  
“Spending your time on something more wise than dodging? The next ones going for your neck, my dear. I’d recommend putting in an ounce of effort if you care to live.~”  
His voice was more serious now, probably frustrated that I’m sitting here like a waiting duck. What fun is that?  
“Very well. And here I was, admiring your toy. What a pity you won’t get to show me how you use it~.”   
Before he could even lift his arm to deal the final card, I flicked my hidden whip just a hair and wrapped it around the bungee gum he had attached to my arm. I don’t even think he noticed, because he didn’t hesitate to launch what would have been a fatal blow to my throat.  
The card he’d thrown fluttered in the air, falling to the ground like a leaf just between us.  
The crowd was silent for a moment, in shock, before it erupted with laughter and uproar.  
Hisoka’s face was the most expressive I had ever seen. His eyes widened, his mouth just barely agape, his brows lifted, with his arm still out in front of him.  
Before he could even do anything other than stand there like the arrogant fool he was, I snapped my other whip around both of his ankles, hobbling him. In one swift motion I yanked as hard as I could on that whip and sent him dragging towards me.   
He was still speechless, just staring at me like I was a ghost.   
His hands were still free, and I couldn’t release my other whip from his bungee gum or his nen would flow again and I’d surely be dead. In the split second I had remaining before he started fighting back again, I lunged to deliver a powerful punch right to his left cheek, but he dodged by just a hair, leaving our faces just a few feet apart.  
“What did you do to my n~” he whispered, almost sad and with dull eyes, before I yanked him by his ankles again, though this time he sat up and used the momentum to try and launch himself at me.  
I switched my whip from hobbling his ankles, to wrapping around his throat. That move cost me a good punch to the face.  
Trying to recover from the hit to the cheekbone as quickly as I could, I used every ounce of strength I had to put some distance between us and stiffen my whip, locking him at 10ft away.  
“Still curious about how I use my whips, Hisoka?” I asked, with mock genuinity.  
Before he could do anything more than open his mouth to speak, I constricted the whip I had around his throat, far more than enough to cut off his windpipe.  
Even as he turned blue, and his body relaxed at the lack of oxygen, I could watch his face lift from shock and horror to something far more sinister. His eyes softened again, and he grinned as nefariously as ever. I’m sure if he could have chuckled, he would have.   
At the end of my whip I could feel his body relax further and further until his knees gave and I was sure he was KO’d.   
After a long pause.  
“.... TESS WINS, BY KO…”, the referee called.   
I couldn’t take my eyes off of Hisoka’s limp body. I felt some sort of guilt.   
Why is the crowd so silent?  
But like it was on que the entire stadium erupted in cheers and clammer. The announcer rambled on about what might have happened, and how confused everyone was. Confused as to how I incapacitated Hisoka Morow’s nen.


	2. On Surrender

I walked like a zombie back to my room, in a daze. Dodging fans and reporters, other fighters and everyone else who saw the fight. I can barely make out what they’re all saying.  
“Tess, how does it feel to be the first ever to win a fight against Hisoka?”  
“Tess what did you do to him?”  
“What’s your nen ability?”   
“Why have you never used that before?”  
“Is his nen gone forever?”   
With how loud it was in the hallway with everyone talking over each other, it mind as well have been silent. I finally reached the elevator up to the fighter only levels, and the guards held off the crowds while I stepped in. The reporter’s faces looked so ecstatic, despite witnessing something so gruesome.  
I stared at myself in the reflections of the elevator door. I was looking at a floor master.   
I plucked the card from my arm, a queen of hearts. I wonder if that has any significance.   
After cashing in my earnings, I made my way to my newly assigned room. It was absolutely lavish. Everything was either white or gold, plush and polished. Frankly it felt very unwelcoming.   
I was too tired to make it more approachable, so instead I just closed the door behind me and started stripping my sweaty and restrictive clothing off, leaving a trail as I made way for the large claw foot tub. 

I don’t know how long I had been soaking before I heard a knock on the door. Long enough for me to have gotten pruny.   
“Just a minute!” I exclaimed as I clumsily clamored out of the tub and tied a huge robe around myself.   
“I think you might have the wrong room” I said loudly as I reached to open the door.   
Only they didn’t have the wrong room at all.   
I pulled the door open with a smile, thinking it was someone else’s room service. After all, I didn’t know anybody here.  
On the threshold was a petite woman with bright pink hair and large eyes. She looked kind of pissed.   
“I’m sorry can I help you.?” I asked meekly. She was surprisingly intimidating.   
“May I come in?” She asked shortly.  
“Uh? I’m sorry I really don’t know who you are, I wasn’t expecting company.”  
“My name’s Machi” she said as she pushed past me and made her way to the sitting area by the window, “Hisoka sent me to fix your arm” she said without even turning to look at me.  
“Excuse me? Hisoka sent you?” I gasped with disbelief.  
I was so hung up on the adrenaline of the fight that I had forgotten about how severely my arm was wounded. Peeking into the bathroom I see that the tub is full of red stained water.   
“Yes, Hisoka. You know, big tall guy, goofy looking hair, face paint. Oh you might remember him from your match today” she mocked with a straight face.  
“Yeah, I’m plenty aware of who he is. I’m asking what business he has sending someone to my room, never mind why he would bother concerning himself with my wound.”  
I couldn’t begin to imagine what was going on in his head when he sent this woman.  
“I don’t ask questions and neither should you. Come sit down and let me stitch you up.” her voice was a little softer.  
I finally closed the door and came to sit next to her on the couch backed up to the balcony. The moonlight was filtering in and the city was just as bright.   
“I’m Tess by the way. I mean you know that but it feels weird not introducing myself.”  
“Mhm, take your arm out of the robe and let me see.” she stated pretty demandingly.  
“The blood’s soaking through your robe. He must have gotten you pretty deep.” Her voice softened again, like she was trying not to feel bad for me but was failing.   
“It can’t be so bad. I forgot about it until you came in. I guess we can chalk that up to adrenaline.” I thought out loud while I slipped my arm out.   
“It’s not very wide but it’s definitely through your muscles. Alright here we go”, and off she went, weaving my skin and muscle back together with her nen. I’d never seen anything like it. It was like watching a ballet at 200x speed.   
She was done in under a minute. My arm had never looked better, even the severed tattoo was perfectly repaired.  
“Thank you.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. “Can I pay you? Honestly name a price. I couldn’t have healed this well at any hospital.” My voice tapers off.  
“Hisoka’s paid me.” She gets up and starts walking away nonchalantly. “I’d bet it’s because he thinks you’re pretty.” she stated matter of factly.   
My stomach tied up.   
“Sorry. What?” I asked meekly.   
Only then did she stop and turn to look at me. This time, with intensity in her eyes, and maybe… pity?  
“Listen, Tess. You seem like a nice person, and clearly you can hold your own. But I’d recommend keeping your distance from Hisoka. After this evening, I’d imagine you’re on the top of his list of people to kill.” she warned.  
And with that she turned and walked through the door, it swung slowly closed behind her, and sealed with a click.   
What the fuck kind of conflicting information was that!? I’m sorry he thinks I’m pretty and also wants to KILL ME!? I’m going to forget she said anything. I think that’s for the best. I finally look at the time for the first time since before the match. It’s just past 8:30. I’m too restless to stay in the room, plus that gives me way too much time to use my brain, which I’d really like to avoid. It’s like a war zone in there right now.  
Hisoka’s attracted to me.? I mean I guess I’ll admit I’m attracted to him in a very “I have daddy issues” sort of way. Why the hell am I fixating on that part instead of the part where he wants to kill me!?   
Okay enough of that. I need a fucking drink.   
Realizing I’m still sitting on the couch in a robe, I get up and dig out a fitted black dress that ends just above my knee, with an open back and thin straps. These upper levels are so posh, I feel like even this might be under dressed for the bar. Stepping into some simple black pumps, I make my way out of the door and to the bar.   
The hallways are silent, and empty. The only sign of life was everyone's aura, leaking  
carelessly through the walls as they relax in their rooms.   
Stepping into the hotel’s bar, suddenly everything was just a touch more tense. There were games of pool and poker going on on the sidelines, and plenty of men with hired company lounging about. There aren’t many women up above the 200th floor, as contestants anyway.   
I settle at an empty seat at the bar, order a drink and swing my feet back and forth, trying not to think of Hisoka. He wouldn’t kill me just anywhere would he? I doubt it. He sent someone to patch me up after all. Still, I’d really hate to run into him.  
I felt someone approach me from behind, as my back was to the door. Their aura was intense but not sinister. They sat in the seat right next to me, despite the variety of other options.  
That’s a little annoying.   
“You’re Tess, right?”  
It was a man’s voice, no one I’ve met. I turn to look and it’s a classically handsome guy, probably late twenties. His aura spiked when I made eye contact.   
“Yeah, I’m Tess. And you are.?”  
“I’m Borato, it’s such an honor to meet you!” he was practically glowing.   
Must be a big fan.   
“Oh don’t put me on such a pedestal.” I say with a little bitterness.   
“Really, it is. Your fight today was AMAZING I mean how did you ev-”, he rambled on before I cut him off.   
“I’d really. REALLY rather not talk about the fight. If you don’t mind.” I snapped.   
“Oh. Okay yeah I’m sorry. I bet you’ve answered every question under the sun already… Well if it means anything I would have struck up a conversation with you any other day” he jeered, dragging his eyes down and up my body.  
“Oh is that so?” I ask, feigning overconfidence. I don’t pay much mind to being attractive, so it feels nice to be flirted with. Not to mention it’s a great distraction.   
“Yeah I mean. Holy shit”, he chuckles nervously avoiding my eyes, “You’re a smoke show. Sorry for being corny, but how else do you say it?”.  
I almost blush, he seems sweet. Too sweet to be a contender. Not to mention his weak aura.   
“So, Borato. How the hell did you get access to this bar? It’s for the 200th floor and up.”  
“That obvious that I’m not a fighter, huh? I should have known you’d be able to tell”, he laughs off a bit of embarrassment.  
“Uh, yeah I work for the hotel portion of the arena, I have an all access pass essentially.”  
“Oh that’s a nice bonus. If I had known getting into this bar was as easy as getting a job here I wouldn’t have taken the hard route of fighting my way up.” I joke.  
“Believe me, you make way more fighting than I do managing.” His voice tapered off.  
“Well. If it’s any consolation, I’m not sure the stress of fighting is worth the money.” I console, toying with my empty glass.  
“Can I buy you another drink?”  
“Yeah, sure. I probably should go with water and mint. I don’t think more alcohol is a great idea after the blood loss.” Damn. I only had a glass of wine and I’m feeling warm.   
“Can do. How is your arm by the way?” he asked, unable to see from his vantage.   
“It’s fine, thanks. Hey I’ll be right back, I’m going to use the ladies room.”   
I stood up to leave before he could ask questions. By the look on his face, he had a few. 

The restroom was just as finely finished as anywhere else. I’m surprised they don’t have someone in there to wipe your ass for you. God my face looks awful. The whole right side is swollen and bruising, mostly my cheekbone. I fix my hair to cover what I can. 

When I get back to the bar, my water is already there and topped with fresh mint.  
“Awesome, thanks!”   
“Yeah I mean, you’re welcome for the $0.50 drink.” he laughed.  
“I appreciate it more than alcohol, I promise.”  
Some time goes by of us chatting, and me nursing my water. I’m not feeling any better actually, I’m feeling even more woozy. Borato must have noticed because he reached out and touched my arm.  
“You look tired. Am I keeping you up? I can walk you to your room.”  
“Oh no. I think I’m okay.” That’s a lie. Somethings wrong.   
Then I feel it. Hisoka’s aura, faint and restful at first, but getting stronger. Shit. I absolutely cannot defend myself right now. I can barely keep myself upright.   
“Actually I think I’ll take you up on you taking me to my room. I’m really feeling that blood loss.” I beg hoping maybe I can bypass Hisoka.   
“Yeah sur-” and he gets cut off.   
He’s here, and now oozing bloodlust...


	3. On Defining Heroism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> brief rape mentions in conversation.

“If you know what’s good for you, you should start running.~” It’s him. He sounds so angry, it’s almost out of character. But I can’t run, there’s no way I can make it out of this alive.   
“His~” I start, before I nearly fall off my stool.  
He grabs my shoulders and balances me again, leaning close to my face he almost coos “Try and stay upright, dear~.”   
What? He sounded so angry, his aura was flaring, why the hell was he helping me up?   
“Hey man, I doubt she wants to deal with you. I can take her to her room.” Borato chimed in, not taking the hint.   
“For such a strong girl, she’s pretty naive, isn’t she. She must have turned her back to her drink, right? And you dropped a pill in there so you could take advantage.” Hisoka hissed and sucked his teeth. “I could smell it from the hall.” He looked at me and made sure I wasn’t falling over before letting me go and grabbing Borato by the throat, lifting him out of his seat.  
“I- Sh” Borato choked.  
“Raping the woman of the hour. What a power trip that might have been, hmm? Drugging the strongest woman here just for the chance to fuck her.” He spit as his blood lust grew stronger and angrier.   
Borato's legs swinging and trying to kick, like a child.  
I can’t keep my eyes open. I can’t feel which way is up, it feels like zero gravity. Am I leaning? Falling maybe? I hear clamoring. And voices. But nothing’s lining up.  
“You’ll be alright. Let’s get you to bed.~” His breath was in my ear, thick and smelling of strawberry jam. That’s the last I remember, thinking of strawberry jam on toast. 

I feel like I weigh ten thousand pounds. It’s like the bed has a gravitational pull. I’m assuming I’m in a bed anyway. It feels soft. I pry my eyes open and try to judge where I am. I remember Hisoka’s bloodlust, and then feeling really woozy.   
“Don’t strain yourself, it’s not worn off just yet.~” his voice called from across the room.  
Terror shot through me. Being so incapacitated and vulnerable around anyone would be alarming but it’s a death sentence around Hisoka.   
“Don’t. I’m.” I struggled to even breath, nevermind talk. “I’m sorr-” I choked out in an attempt to plead for mercy.   
“Tess, please. It’ll be another few hours before you’re back to full function. Just rest.~”  
I felt weight on the bed next to me, I couldn’t lift my head at all but I could open my eyes just enough to see him sitting on the edge, as he reached towards my face.  
“Why the tears? Your night was headed in a much worse direction. I got you out unscathed. Next time don’t be so juvenile, hmm?~”   
Cry? I didn’t know I was crying until I felt his finger brush a tear away. I almost couldn’t feel it, he was so gentle. I closed my eyes, it hurt to keep them open. Last thing I remember before falling back asleep was humming, and fingers brushing over my cheek.


	4. On Privacy

Next time I woke, the sun was high in the sky, and I was alone. I lifted my head and propped myself on my elbows, assessing the surroundings. It was my room, and there were no signs of life. I managed to get myself up to sit on the edge of my bed. I can’t really remember what happened last night before I passed out. Something about that man putting drugs in my drink? And Hisoka’s breath in my ear. Was he really in my room earlier? Or was that a drug induced dream? I mean he obviously brought me back here, but did he stick around?  
I found the strength to stand, and started to walk to the kitchen for a drink. It’s cold in here. I wrapped my arms around myself and gasped when I felt skin. Looking down I was only wearing my bra and panties. Jesus christ did he.? He wouldn’t touch me like that would he.? I started to feel sick.  
There was a note, propped on the counter.   
~  
Water and rest.   
Oh, and no more drinking with strangers. -_-   
⭐His💧  
~  
There was a glass of water with a few pills next to it. Pretty recognizably Advil, but frankly after last night I wasn’t sure I wanted to take any chances with drinks or drugs. I got my own drink, and got Advil out of my bag and trashed the ones left out.   
The shower felt amazing. It was as cold as I could get it. My bruises and scuffs were thanking me already. I don’t have another fight scheduled yet, so I’m not sure what to do with my time.   
I threw on some jean shorts and a black t-shirt, tied in a knot in front. My hair was still wet and would dry in messy, bedhead curls but I don’t care. Honestly I’m kind of afraid to leave my room. Hisoka has been acting surprisingly kind since our fight but I can hear Machi’s words ringing in my head. He’s still dangerous. On the plus side, if I see Borato he’s a dead man.   
I decided to watch a few low level fights to pass some time, and unwind. Two very young boys are climbing the ranks like nothing, they’re really a different breed. The variety of fighters is amazing.   
I had a scheduled interview with The Hunter News Network this evening. I think they scheduled me in thinking I’d be speaking about my experience losing to Hisoka. I get the feeling it will turn out more entertaining than they had planned.   
Back in my room, I had to come up with a plan to look halfway decent for the camera.  
My face was still significantly swollen, the bruise leaching down my jaw. Luckily that was the only substantial damage I sustained. It could have been so much worse.   
I artfully apply makeup to compensate for my bruising and swelling, and try to style my hair in a way that covers that side of my face a bit. I wore it straightened, aiming for a more serious and sharp look to oppose my contrastingly round face and soft features. It’s already hard enough being a woman at this level. Plenty of men are very nice, but most definitely don’t respect me the way they would if I was a man, hence trying to downplay my femininity. I can’t imagine proving myself any more than I’ve already done. 

“So Tess! Welcome to THNN, we’re so honored to have you today for an interview!”, squealed the very energetic host.

The hotel’s studio wasn’t huge, there was limited seating and it was packed. The host and I sat in plush armchairs just barely facing one another, so the cameras would have a good shot. I tried not to let my anxiety get the better of me. I’m not one for being in front of crowds, and being the center of attention, despite my career choice.  
Looking past the cameras and blinding film lighting, I can make out faces in the audience. I don’t know anyone here really, but I do recognize the two boys I saw fighting earlier, the dark haired one looked absolutely enamored, while the more serious white haired boy couldn’t be bothered. I don’t know who I was looking for out there. It felt like being in a school play and your parents don’t show. My eyes scanned the rows, and then finally the line of people standing in the back where there were no seats.   
Of course he’s here. Leaning on the door jam, wearing his usual attire. He must be pretty calm if I didn’t sense his aura right away. It’s very… unique. I can’t imagine what he’s thinking right now. I don’t think I want to know. 

“Really, it’s my pleasure to be here!” I said enthusiastically, snapping back to reality.   
“Boy do we have an interview for you today Tess! After your outstanding and bewildering win against Hisoka, the world wants to know the secret!” She continued.

Yeah, they wish. 

The interview wrapped up as our time slot came to a close. After many cordial formalities and forced smiles, I walked off the stage in the back, and started down a short hall leading to the lobby. I couldn’t keep my mind off of Hisoka being there. Was he there just to intimidate me? I swung the door open expecting an empty lobby but was met with a small crowd. At the forefront of which were the two boys. I wasn’t interested in standing there answering more questions, in fact I was feeling pretty negative.  
I pushed through most of the people, and started towards the elevator when the boys ran ahead of me and blocked my path.   
Trying to be kind, since they’re just kids, I offer a polite, “excuse me boys, I’m really looking to head back to my room.”  
“PLEASE JUST ONE SECOND”, begged the dark haired one, arms flailing.  
Well then. Suddenly I felt bad saying no.  
“Fine. But not down here with all these people.” in no mood for more human interaction than was necessary.   
“YES” shouted both of them as they slammed the button to go up   
Being such a tall building, I’m sure you can imagine how long the elevators can take. Only a few moments into our wait for the lift, I feel eyes on me. Not aura, just eyes. I look over my shoulder and see Hisoka walking candidly towards us, smiling from ear to ear.   
“Man, you can’t catch a break from this guy can you.” Stated the light haired boy.   
“You have no idea.”  
We return our gaze to the elevator which isn’t approaching quickly enough.   
“I’m Gon by the way! And this is Killua!”, the brown haired kid says gesturing to his friend. It’s pretty obvious he’s trying to make some small talk so we can ignore our unwelcome guest.  
“Pleasure to meet you two, I’m sorry for not remembering your names. I have seen a few of your matches.”, I truly am awful with names.   
Our elevator settles to our floor, and dings, just about to open, as Hisoka takes his final few strides toward us. The boy’s energies are uncomfortable, they must not be a fan. Hisoka’s aura was neutral, ebbing and flowing like a brooke.  
“Tess! How serendipitous.~”, he sneered.  
“Hisoka.”, I addressed him with a small nod. I’ll be happy if I can keep his aura as serine as it is.   
“Why can’t you just leave her alone Hisoka! She obviously doesn’t want to talk to you!” chided Gon, with all together too much confidence. Don’t push your luck kid.  
“Oh Gon, do mind your manners. The adults are talking.” Hisoka threatened and poked his tongue out at the boy.  
Gon and Killua got in first and tucked in the back. Probably a wise move. I stepped in and in front of the numbers, and I suppose unsurprisingly, Hisoka settled behind me. I wasn’t about to let him think I was scared of him.   
I hit our button, and the doors began closing.   
“Floor, Hisoka?” I asked without turning to look at him.  
I felt him take a step towards me and the boys' auras flared.   
“I’ve got it.” he whispered in my ear as he leaned over my shoulder and around me to press his button. He was flush with my whole back.   
I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how frightened I was by his presence and stature. I maintained my composure as he pressed his button, 267, and moved back to the corner, way too slowly. The smell of strawberries was stuck in my nose.  
I turned the ninety degrees to lean on the wall next to the button panel. We all waited in silence as we got to the 150th floor, except for Hisoka who was shuffling his cards. The elevator dinged and the doors began to open. The boys rushed out towards the sitting area, and I followed suit.  
“Oh, Tess!” I hear from the elevator.   
I turned around just enough to see him casually holding the doors open.  
“I never got to say congratulations. I’ll be in for the rest of the night if you’d like to stop by and celebrate with some drinks~” he said with a tight smirk on his face.  
I turned back around and followed the boys to the seats without responding or even emoting. I heard him chuckle and then the doors closed. 

I sat and humored the boy’s questions about the fight, and my powers. Apparently Gon has some vendetta against Hisoka for helping him in his hunter exam, and they had a fight coming up. Killua was mostly quiet, save a few questions about the limitations of my nen. It was actually a few hours before I realized how late it had gotten, and we wrapped up. The boys and I took the elevator, they got off on the 200th floor, and I went up to mine.  
Hisoka’s offer was in the back of my mind. My hand hovered over the button labeled 267, but I decided I’d had enough excitement to last me a lifetime. Though I can’t say I wasn’t curious.   
Somehow despite the sterility, my room was starting to feel like a safe place. I took off the pretty blouse and high waisted grey dress pants after kicking my shoes into the corner. I stopped to look at myself in the mirror of the bathroom. It's not enough for Hisoka to stay interested for very long. I imagine his tirades will be over soon.   
I washed my face and tied my hair up, slipped on a sports bra and my favorite sweatpants which were riddled with holes from use. I sure spend a lot of time here putting on a show, don’t I.   
There was a knock on my door followed by a brisk shout.  
“Room Service!”  
Okay, now it really WAS someone else’s room service landing at my door.   
I opened the door to a massive cart which was absolutely loaded with ornate plates of food, desserts, a bucket of ice stuffed with various wines, rose petals, and an enormous bouquet of flowers; past which I could barely see the man who was wielding it.   
“Ms. Kodekara?” asked the man, peaking around the flowers.  
“Uh. Yes? That’s me but I didn’t order anything.”   
Certainly not enough to feed a village.   
“Oh great, Ms. Kodekara, a ‘Hisoka Morow’ ordered this to your room for you. Here’s a..note? from him as well.”  
He handed me the small origami rose and I stood aside holding the door to let him wheel the cart in. I opened the rose, a little sad to destroy it. 

~  
I’ll only take a small offence to your decline of my offer, but I   
suppose if you wont celebrate with me, I’ll send the celebration to you.   
I wasn’t sure what you’d like, so I got you some of everything.   
Enjoy, Kitten.   
-His  
~

Kitten? What a pretentious douche.  
“Alright Ms. Kodakara! Enjoy your feast!”, the server elated.  
“Uh. Yeah I will. Thank you.” failing to hide my confusion.   
The server walked towards the door and opened it to leave before I remembered my manners.  
“Oh excuse me sir! Give me one second and I’ll grab your tip!”   
God how rude of me. Poor guy struggled this whole thing all the way up here just for me to sit here bumbling like a moron.   
“Actually Miss, Mr. Morow tipped me already, and gave me explicit orders not to accept money from you.”, he dismissed.  
“Man, what a psycho.” I mumbled a little too loud.   
“Your words Miss, not mine. Regardless, do enjoy your night, let me know if you need anything at all.”  
“Thank you.”  
And the door clicked shut. 

I felt my stomach in my throat, like I was on a roller coaster. I almost wish I had Hisoka’s number to just send even a quick thank you text. This whole display must have cost him nearly a thousand dollars. And for what? To mock me maybe? Is this some sort of assertion of dominance? Maybe to actually congratulate me..? Maybe Machi WAS wrong. This seemed like such an honest gesture.   
Unable to come to any conclusion, I decided to just tuck in. I didn’t even make a dent, even after dessert. I moved the ornate flower arrangements to the counter in the kitchen, and packed away the leftovers as best I could into the fridge.   
Probably best not to linger on what it means. Though I do wish I could thank him. Maybe I’ll just call room service and order a single rose with a note that only says “Thanks” on it. He’d probably get a kick out of that.


	5. On Making Enemies

I decided to spend the day relaxing for once. I started at the gym which, unsurprisingly, was full of macho men just trying to show off. I just wanted to run for a while.   
One guy came up in front of my treadmill and tried to get my attention.  
“Yes?” I asked, pulling my earbuds out.  
“Just wanted to say you can choke me like you choked Hisoka, anytime.” he spewed, leaning on my machine.   
First of all, it’d kill you.   
“Mean it?” I asked with a fake smile   
“Sure sweetheart, I won't pass out like a bitch either.” he said, wiggling his eyebrow.  
“No you sure wouldn’t pass out. It’d snap your neck before you could.” I stated, letting my smile fall and replacing it with a sympathetic pout.  
“What?” his face looked more serious, standing straight up again.  
“I can show you if you’d like?” I asked, putting on a creepy smile and conjuring one whip with a slow twirl of my wrist.  
“Jeez, lady you’re fucking psycho.” he pouted as he finally walked away.   
What kind of pick up line is that anyway? And I’M the psycho? Unbelievable.   
My machine beeped as I hit mile 20, and I hopped onto the sides and shut it off. I caught my breath some before heading to the shower.

After that I thought I’d lay by the pool. It was finally Summer in York New City. Wearing a plain black two piece bathing suit, a hat, and sunglasses, I found a chair in the sunny pool yard. I found myself thinking about Hisoka. How could I not.? My mind wandered from Hisoka, to Gon, to the hunter exam. I wasn’t pondering anything deep, just letting my mind ramble.  
The sun felt good on my skin, and there was a perfect breeze to keep it from being too hot. The pool was packed with people, it being the first nice day in months. Fighters above the 50th floor and all staff had access to the pool area, which also had hot tubs and shower rooms. I had used a hot tub here once before after I went too far at the gym, but it resurfaced memories I’d like to avoid.   
From across the pool I heard a woman’s voice say my name.  
I listened in more intentionally now, just curious. I think most people underestimate how attune us fighter’s senses were, especially hunters.  
“It’s really no wonder she made it out nearly unscathed. I heard she slept with him before the fight, and in trade he let her win.” one woman said.   
People can’t possibly believe that, can they? Also they must recognize me, my tattoos are pretty identifiable even from afar.  
“God. What a slut. I almost don’t blame her though, I’d trade my body to Hisoka for a corn chip.”   
They both laugh.   
I guess I should have known people would spread a rumor like that. It doesn’t concern me much, since there isn’t anything I can do. People will always find a way to discredit someone they’re envious of. They continued talking but I don’t care to listen to anything more than that.   
Out of nowhere they scream bloody murder. I sit up quickly and look to see what happened. God I hope they got stung by a bee or something, that’d be some righteous karma.   
They’re glancing around the area frantically, and holding one woman’s arm.   
“It really is quite unkind to spread rumors ladies. And please, no need for the hysterics, I barely grazed you.~”   
He must have been passing by and heard their conversation like I did. He was leaning against the fence by one of the entrances. Jesus christ he threw a card at them? Even I wasn’t that angry.   
“No deal, by the way. I’ve never been one for catty women, and I don’t have any corn chips to spare.~” Hisoka said as he strode towards them.  
As hilarious as that was, I didn’t want to stick around to see the whole drama unfold, lord knows Hisoka would love to talk to me about that rumor.  
I grabbed my shoes as quickly as I could and ran into the hotel and back to my room. 

Ugh. I really wished he hadn’t done that, I felt so embarrassed. I wonder if he knew I was there? I’d imagine so, I wasn’t hiding myself. He seriously must be following me. Between this, the bar, and the elevator, it’s seriously uncanny.   
Well, so much for my restful day. And it’s only 11am. I could use a coffee, then maybe I’ll just watch some fights to pass the time.   
There’s a cafe downstairs with sandwiches and coffee, which sounds right up my alley right about now, it’s the same one I was in before my fight with Hisoka. Nothing makes me happier than the smell of coffee beans.


	6. On Classical Training

A few weeks passed by pretty quickly. I was finishing up my dissertation, and thus spent a lot of time in the cafe working on it.   
Hisoka seemed to back off a little bit. But he was still ever present in the background. A few times he ordered me a coffee and had a barista bring it over after he had already gone. Occasionally I’d see him in passing like in the lobby, or the hallway and we made very small conversation. I couldn’t get a read on him, he was seemingly very neutral airing on the side of kind, but he’s the type to play head games. He might be thinking for the long run. If I kept my guard up, I didn’t see the harm in free coffee. He didn’t ask me again to come to his room or anything, and he didn’t send any more large displays, which I was grateful for honestly.   
Eventually, he had bought me so many coffees and pastries at this coffee shop that the baristas knew me by name, and when setting it on my table would just say “it’s from you know who”.   
Then one day, out of the blue, I saw him come into the coffee shop and place his order as always, but this time he picked up two drinks from the hand off plane and started towards me. I had tried to make a habit of not looking at him when he came in, but it was nearly impossible. I pretended I hadn’t seen him and buried my eyes in my laptop, pretending to be working. Was he going to sit down? The coffees are nice and all but that doesn’t make him any less of a sociopath.   
He took his last step to my table and I was forced to look up at him, he had a wide relaxed smile on his face, and his eyes were nearly resting shut. I didn’t have the confidence to say anything. He met my eyes for a moment and he set down my drink and slid it towards me. I was frantically trying to read his aura or his face, but neither were very expressive.   
Before I could work myself into more anxiety, he had turned and started walking away. What on God’s green Earth was that about? Just felt like scaring the shit out of me today? It took awhile for my anxiety to settle and get back to work.  
But the next morning came, and it was the same story. This time I watched him walk towards my table and intentionally put a quizzical face on, trying to passively get an explanation, but no dice. Just a coffee set on my table, nudged towards me, and a silent retreat.   
After a few days, this became the usual and it wasn’t so terrifying anymore, and I found myself looking forward to it.  
The next day came and I turned my head to watch him approach, this time offering a little smile. I hadn’t said thank you at all as shitty as that is, I did not want to start a dialog. Everything was very typical at first, but after he put my coffee down and slid it in front of me. But out of nowhere he reached his hand to my upper arm, causing me to flinch, before he gave it a very small squeeze. I watched his face as he did it, and his eyes were doing the same, narrow, comfortable cat thing, and he gave me a small smile before turning and walking away. It felt like being back at square one. A shot of panic had burst from me when he was reaching for me, I’d nearly jerked my arm away and surrounded myself in aura as a reflex. He’d never done anything like that at all before today. As far as I knew, he was reaching to snap my fucking neck. Hisoka isn’t known for being sound of mind.   
Like every other baby step, this became the norm. Sometimes he’d just rest his hand on my shoulder, or squeeze it. Until one day he used a single finger to push a strand of hair behind my ear before turning away silently, and leaving again.  
I wasn’t sure if I was having a panic attack or if I was just blushing. Either way I felt nearly sick to my stomach.   
Today was like any other, the cafe is buzzing with conversation, so much so that it was essentially white noise. Just like the reporters the other day. It feels good to blend in and just be a person for a few hours in the morning. Hard to come by when you move up the ranks here.   
I sat at my table after finishing my first coffee and waited for the routine. A bit later than usual, Hisoka walked in and ordered, before making his way towards me. He had touched my cheek yesterday, I wasn’t sure what I should expect today, but part of me was hoping he would do it again. I couldn’t tell if I just liked the adrenalin, or if I wanted him to touch me again.  
I turned to him like always, and he has those lazy cat eyes like always.  
I couldn’t keep this up. I owe him a thank you.  
“Thank you.” my gaze dropped. I couldn’t keep eye contact.  
His aura became intense, for the first time since the fight, though wasn’t even anger or bloodlust. Whatever it was, it made me uncomfortable.  
He slid my coffee, and today a sandwich, to me.  
“For what? Save you from a rapist? Confront your bullies?” He prodded, but his voice was light, like he was teasing.  
I instantly regretted saying anything. I hadn’t talked to him about those things because frankly I like to pretend they didn’t happen.  
“I meant the coffee Hisoka. But yeah, thank you for your selfless heroics as well.” I snapped.   
“Oh the coffee. Of course. It’s my pleasure~” he said, smiling, “I’ve been meaning to speak with you.”   
He was asking nicely, but I knew I didn’t have a choice.  
I knew this was coming eventually. Ugh, I really shouldn’t have said anything.  
Begrudgingly, I gestured to the other side of the booth.   
He slid in and held his hands wrapped around his drink while I tucked my laptop away.  
“For such a powerful girl you certainly lack confidence, don’t you~” His voice was soft, and honestly full of pity. “You won’t even look at me now that I have you cornered. You do put on a good facade though.” He dropped his eyes and sipped his drink.  
I raised my eyes to his face, waiting for him to make eye contact with me. They’re not as sharp as I remember, and not as bright. They’re more like the color of honey right now.   
“Is there something I can do for you, Hisoka” I nearly spit.  
“Would you like me to write a list of things I’d like for you to do to me? Excuse me, do FOR me~” his voice dripped with suggestion, his eyes narrowing.  
He is flirting with me, isn’t he. Or does he talk to all women like this? If not, what the hell about me warrants his interest?  
“As morbidly curious as I am to see that list, I think I’ll spare you the effort. Please just cut to the point.” I reply curtly.   
His eyes sharpen a small bit, and he sits up straight cocking his head.  
“I have so very many questions for you, Tess. I can’t imagine that’s a surprise. I was hoping to glean something from your interview, but had no such luck. Are you keeping secrets?”  
I sighed. I guess it’s not really a secret, but it is more effective when my opponents are oblivious.  
“Ask away. I’m an open book.”  
I knew this was coming. I doubt he’s slept well since the fight, wondering how I disarmed his nen.   
“What on Earth is your nen ability.” he asked, unsurprisingly, propping his chin on his hands.  
“It’s whips, Hisoka.” I quip, probably too cockily. I doubt he’s in the mood to joke.  
He leaned in and locked eyes. “Tess.” his voice more serious now, his smile fading to a straight line, “what did you do to my nen.”  
I can’t avoid telling him any longer. And I certainly can’t lie.  
“I had a whip in my left hand that I hid with In. I can freeze people’s nen if I keep my whip in contact with a projection of their aura.” I explained without any more joking. I didn’t want to push my luck.  
“I see. So you did let my second card hit your arm intentionally.” he asked with genuine curiosity.   
“Yeah, you didn’t think I was actually that slow, did you.? That’s pretty insulting.” truly, it was.   
“I didn’t know what to think, you just stood there and watched it happen. In hindsight I can see you used gyo to watch for an opportunity to attach to my nen. What a magnificent power.~” he sang.   
“Yeah, thank you.” I said, finally breaking eye contact and letting my eyes wander.  
His neck. It had faint purple rings wrapped around it, even now, nearly two weeks later. He must have noticed my gaze because he reached up and adjusted his collar.  
“I’m sorry.” I blurted, without a moment of thought.  
I did mean it though. I don’t usually have to use my whips that way but that was my only chance.   
“...You’re sorry? Did you just apologize to me?” he stared for a moment before bursting with laughter.   
I could only watch him laugh, and sink into my seat cuddling my mug.   
“Aren’t you just the sweetest.~” he managed to get out between his last chuckles. “Apologizing for winning against me. You’re quite the character, Tess.”  
“Well. I don’t mean I’m sorry for winning, or that I’d change what I did. I just feel sorry that it came to that. It felt like a cheap win.''   
That's the first time I’d admitted my guilt about our fight. Hisoka’s expression softened before he spoke.   
“Don’t be sorry. It’s nothing that won’t heal. Not to mention that I very well could have killed you with that first card, and very much intended to with the third.” His face was completely emotionless. “Speaking of injury, how’s your arm?”   
“Oh, your friend Machi took care of it. It’s totally fine.” I said as I pointed to where it was and rubbed the smooth skin.   
“I’ve been admiring your tattoos from a distance. May I get a closer look?” he asked, reaching his hand out.   
Trying to read him is impossible. He could twist my wrist and break it for all I know. For some reason though I trust he just wants to look.   
I reach my left arm out and rest my wrist in his palm. His skin is so smooth and really warm, almost hot.  
He spends a few minutes studying my sleeve of tattoos, occasionally twisting my wrist gently to get a better look. After a while of me studying him, studying my tattoos, he took my wrist in his other hand, and used his newly free hand to touch my arm, grazing his fingers delicately like butterflies over my skin.   
“It would have been a shame if I had marred one of them, wouldn’t it.” he almost whispered, eyes still locked on my arm.  
“Yeah, I guess. Can I ask why you’re so interested in them.?” I squeak.   
His eyes finally lift to mine, one hand on my upper arm, thumb grazing my skin, one hand drawing shapes in my palm.  
“You’re a beautiful girl, Tess. That was the first thing I noticed about you. I felt sorry that I’d have to fight you and possibly damage that face of yours.” he cooed, eyes returning to my arm.   
My face felt hot.  
This time his hand slid up my arm and lifted my sleeve to expose more tattoos underneath. Why did this feel so intimate? I’ve certainly been touched in more interesting places.  
Somehow though, it felt as if all my nerves were just under my sleeve, and his thumb was just washing over them.   
We were quiet for a moment.   
“That’s very nice of you, Hisoka but that doesn’t answer my question.” I point out.   
“It does.” His eyes rising to mine again, “You’re really very beautiful. And yet the closer I get to look at you, the more beautiful you are. It’s artwork on artwork, it’s very special.” he sighed, lowering my sleeve back down and straightening it, then bringing both of his hands back to his drink.  
I’d never felt so cold.  
“Oh. Uh. Thank you.” I replied awkwardly, dragging my arm back to my side.   
“You’re more than welcome, kitten. Now, I’d love to sit here and pick your brain, but I do have errands to attend.” He stated matter of factly.  
“Right. Well thank you for breakfast.” I nearly whispered as he stood up.  
Looking up at him was jarring. He’s probably 6’2”, and I’m only 5’5” when I’m standing. He placed his hand gingerly on my shoulder as he was leaving.  
“It’s not breakfast at noon dear. You should really mind your diet if you care to keep your figure.” he taunted, “Join me for dinner tonight? Like I said, I’d love to explore you further. Your mind I mean, of course~.”   
I froze for a moment at the proposal.  
“Uh. Sure, yeah.” I stuttered in a small voice.  
I really would like to talk to him again, he’s so mysterious, and I have to know for sure if he intends to kill me. Only one way to find out.  
“Wonderful. I’ll meet you in the lobby at seven. Could you do me a favor? I love that strappy dress you have. I left it in your closet. I’d love to see you in it again.~” He flirted lightheartedly, before squeezing my shoulder and leaving the cafe.   
What a terrifying man. How was his skin so soft? His touch was so paper light, it’s hard to imagine he’s the same person who nearly broke my cheekbone. He didn’t seem like he was interested in killing me. Was he just good at disguising it or was Machi wrong about him?


	7. On Wise Decisions

I passed some time watching more fights, cleaning my room and finally pampering for tonight’s date. Was it really a date? Or was it more transactional, like a business meeting.   
Regardless, that clown had put in a specific request for me to wear that black dress which I found neatly hung in the closet. I set it out on my bed along with the same black heals and headed to shower.   
Six forty five roles around and I’ve finished drying and styling my hair in loose shaggy curls, framing my face, this time accentuating my soft features. I threw on a little makeup to draw attention to my eyes.   
Why do I care about cleaning up nice for him.? What the hell am I expecting? A second date? Regardless, it was time for me to head to the lobby. I’ll be painfully early but I hate being late. 

In the lobby were some spectators, some fighters, and others I’d imagine. Try as I might to be inconspicuous, I was spotted by a reporter and hounded with questions. I don’t mind talking to the media typically, but since the interview, I really don’t want to talk about it anymore.  
I spent about 5 minutes dodging questions and giving non-answers before Hisoka showed and drew the attention away.  
“I’m not answering questions right now, I have a date to attend.~” he said dismissively, not even looking at them while he strode his way to me.  
He wore a light pink button up shirt with several buttons open at the top, the sleeves messily rolled to his elbow, and black dress pants. He still had his tear and star painted on, but his face looked warmer than usual; not so alabaster.   
“Don’t you just look absolutely breathtaking. That dress fits you perfectly.” He commented as he got to me.  
Is that sarcasm.?  
“Thank you.”  
Reportes followed us out of the lobby to the roundabout, pestering us until we got into the cab. Hisoka opened the door for me, and closed it behind.   
I’d not taken him for the gentlemanly type. 

The restaurant he chose was quiet and romantically lit. He’d made a reservation so we sat right away.   
He sneered at me even eyeing the wine menu, so I went with water.   
The food came out quickly, and was delicious. We mostly talked about matches and other fights, though he was still curious about my nen. I had so many questions I wanted to ask him. Only I’m not sure I want to know the answers. I don’t know if I was imagining it or not, but I could feel him eyeing me when I wasn’t looking.   
“Can I ask you something, candidly?” I suggest nervously. I don’t think I even want an answer.   
“Of course. What’s your question?” he’d not noticed my nerves, either that or decided to ignore them.  
“Machi. She said something that has me thinking. As she was leaving my room, she said that I’d probably be on the top of your list of people to uh… to kill”.  
I sat still and just stared at him. I had to know what was going on in his head.   
He looked up slowly, sat back and giggled.   
“Tess. I have absolutely no interest in killing you anymore.~”   
Oh. I don’t know if that’s comforting.  
“Anymore?” I pried.  
“You’re a rare talent. I have a moral system, albeit unusual. I realized after our match that I’d rather watch you grow than squash you. If you had asked me this while your whip was suffocating me, my answer would have been much different.” His eyes were sharp and bright again, not breaking contact.   
“Oh. So to clarify, so I can finally sleep with both my eyes closed, you have no intentions of killing me.”   
“Those are not my intentions at all. You’re a powerful nen user, but I’d be shocked if you could beat me in a rematch now that I understand your abilities. Nevermind the depravity in our physical strengths. And so I have no interest at all in killing you, what fun would that be.~” he explained before his face dropped for a moment.  
“Is that why you panic everytime you see me, because of what Machi said?” he asked quietly.  
His eyes softened again, and returned to his food, probably sensing my oncoming anxiety.  
“Mostly.”   
I had lost my appetite.   
“I’m so sorry for that, I’ll remember to bring it up next time I see her. It’s been quite the workout, conditioning you to stay calm in my presence.”   
So that's what the coffee was all about. I guess it worked.  
“Dessert? I have such a sweet tooth.” He said with a childish grin.  
He looked almost innocent somehow. 

On our way home, he sat much closer to me than he was before. Am I reading into this too much or is he trying to get physical with me? I’d hate to assume and make a fool of myself.   
“If I invite you to my room for drinks, will you reject me again? I’m not sure I could survive that.” He asked, feigning hurt feelings.  
“I thought you had a vendetta against me drinking.” I teased, remembering his glare at the restaurant.   
“I feel more comfortable with you drinking if I’m the only creep in the room.” he joked, but he placed his hand on my knee.  
That confirms it. I wonder if he can feel how nervous I am. I’m sure he can. 

“Well here we are.” he said plainly as he opened the door to his floor.  
I walked in ahead of him, taking in the decor.   
“This is beautiful...”   
His room was much more personally tailored than mine. Reds, golds, satin, velvet and leather filled the space. It was much more warm and inviting than my room.  
“Mhmm.” he hummed dismissively.  
I may have been putting on a brave show, but I’d never felt more like an awkward teen about to lose her v card. It was bold of me to assume he’d actually be interested in me that way. But a girl could dream. Without the concern of him wanting to kill me, I could actually admit my attraction. I could feel it growing slowly over the past few weeks, as his coffee and smile became the highlight of my day.  
He poured us each a glass of a full bodied red, and circled around the kitchen island.  
I keep my body facing his and end up with my back to the counter. Suddenly I couldn’t stomach a drink. My heart fluttered like a bird.   
“Are you enjoying your title so far? Men must be kissing the ground you walk on.” he asked.   
“Yeah that’s why I wanted to be a floor master, for male suitors.” I answered sarcastically.  
He laughed before answering.  
“I ask because I don’t like competition.” he stated with a small grin.  
Competition? I mean. He’s the only guy I’ve thought of for more than one minute.  
“I could have my choice of men, if that’s what you’re asking. The title has certainly made them more bold but I don’t really pay them much mind.”  
“Ah. So none have made it to see your room?” he asked with a nasty smirk.  
My face fell and my brows furrowed.  
“Why are you so concerned about my sex life all the sudden?” I snapped, a little offended.  
“Tess. May I ask you a personal question, for the betterment of our relationship.?” He suggested, placing one hand on the counter beside my waist with his body inches from mine.  
“Sure. Wouldn’t be the first one.”   
Our relationship?  
“Are you a virgin?” He asked planely, making full eye contact and with a straight face.   
I was frozen for a moment by his forwardness, if I had taken a sip of my wine I would have been spitting it out.  
“You’re a beautiful girl, so I imagine if you are, it’s certainly by choice. But the fact remains that it would affect how I approach you~.” he continued, casually sipping his wine.  
“No, I’m not a virgin. Is that really the deal breaking hill you die on?”   
Why the hell does he care if I’m virginal?   
“No, it’s certainly not. I only ask because your heart is pounding like you’ve never even seen a man before, I wanted to be sure that I don't have to concern myself with being too gentle.” he joked, almost threateningly.  
All I could do was choke up a pitiful laugh.   
God I’m bad at this. Do I want to have sex with Hisoka? Is that even a sane thing to do? Worse yet, was this what he’s been working towards.  
“Are you sure you’ve had sex before? You can tell me the truth, I promise not to laugh~.” he said with a smirk, both of us knowing full well that he would definitely laugh.   
“I’m very sure Hisoka.”   
I actually laughed this time. I’m very sure.   
“Is this why you’ve been buttering me up.?” I asked, letting a little too much hurt leak into my voice.  
He furrowed his brow at me almost in disbelief.  
“I’ve been buttering you up so you’d tell me what the hell you did to my nen. My attraction to you is merely an unforeseen bi-product.” he said matter of factly, studying my face, “I hadn’t planned on asking you to dinner until you finally talked to me.”  
“Ahh.” was all I could muster.  
He put his glass down on the other side of me and now has me pinned between his arms and the island, bent at his hips, face inches from mine.  
“We don’t have to of course, I’ll respect you if you’d rather not.” His face looked genuine.  
The scariest thing about this is whether or not I could trust him to obey consent.   
Feeling more comfortable, and confident that he’ll listen to me, I put my glass down next to his, and let my hands slowly move up his muscled arms to his shoulders. I can feel the blush in my cheeks but I had to make a move anyway.   
“And all it took was two weeks and 14 cups of coffee.” I joked.  
“A small price to pay~.” he replied quickly.  
I lock eyes, feigning confidence, and put on my best innocent doe eyed face. I leaned into him very slowly. Tantalizingly slow.  
“So you’re choosing to fuck me over killing me, right? Last call.” I taunt in a whisper.  
“Oh I’ve made up my mind~.” he reassured me, his voice low and earthy, but smelling of strawberries and now wine.  
I closed the gap as much as one can without kissing. Our breath mixed between our lips, our eyes still watching each other's faces. He hadn’t given me much reason first hand to distrust him.  
“I didn’t take you for a tease. Frankly I thought you’d be rather prude.” he breathed.   
I scoffed and lightened my eyes' intensity before letting them close, and brushed my lips on his. They’re unnaturally smooth.  
His hands have landed themselves on my waist. His lips on mine so softly it tickles. Like feathers. His aura felt… pink?

“Kiss me, Hisoka.”


	8. On Release and Relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, what we've all been waiting for!

Without a moment’s hesitation, he leaned in the extra fraction of an inch, pushing his lips against mine.   
The smell of strawberry was overwhelming, but so sweet and pleasant. Subconsciously I moved my hands to his cheeks. He let out a choppy breath as I ran my nails up his neck on the way, while his hands moved from my waist to my hips. My fingers found his hair, taking handfuls as the kiss heated up. The once delicate kiss morphed into a starved battle for more contact.   
With no warning he lifted me onto the counter, without breaking the kiss. His hips now between my legs, and his hands teasing the hem of my dress. His tongue grazed my lower lip before he took it between his teeth, pulling as slow as he could.  
I just know his eyes were open, watching my face as he pulled at my lip.   
With a small pop, he let go, and all I could do was take a deep breath before seeking out his lips again. As soon as they met, he chuckled against them.  
I moved one of my hands from his hair to his neck, tucking my thumb under his throat. I left his lips and kissed his cheek, which became hot immediately.  
Could he possibly be blushing?   
I trailed small featherlight kisses down his jaw, onto his neck, where I nipped him without warning, followed by some wet kisses and sucking. He actually drew a sharp breath when he felt my teeth, and let out a heavy sigh as I lapped up his smooth skin, resting his head to the side to grant me access. I let my other hand trail down his neck onto his chest as I kissed the rings my whips had left.   
His skin tasted like honeydew.   
I could feel the vibration of a moan in his throat, against my lips. In one quick motion he was back to kissing me and sliding his hands up my thighs, pushing my dress with it. His mouth was demanding and intense, but his lips were soft and forgiving. He worked his hands up to my hips before dragging his sharp nails back down, beckoning a whimper out of me. I felt him smile against my mouth, and I bit his lip just hard enough to draw a little blood. He let out a low purr, on the verge of moaning.  
Our bodies were so pressed together I could feel him through his pants. I reached a brave hand down and softly palmed at his fly.  
That didn’t last long before he firmly grabbed my hips and set me back on my feet, and spun me 180 degrees. His hips were now pressed into my lower back.  
“I’m so glad you wore this dress for me. I’ve been dying to peel it off of you. Again, that is.” He laughed to himself, I suppose at the memory of undressing me the night I was drugged.  
I wasn’t sure what to say or do, a little stunned and embarrassed at the thought of him undressing my unconscious body.   
“Relax, I only put you to bed that night. Though it did take some willpower to restrain myself.~” he taunted with a chuckle.  
I don’t know what reason I have to believe this, but I highly doubt he was ever considering touching me that night.   
His hands traced the straps of my dress down my back. His nails just barely grazed my skin. He stopped at the center of my back, where the zipper starts.  
“May I?~” his breath in my ear.  
“Please.” I implored. Though I bet he misinterpreted my reply as begging.  
“Mmm.” he purred, fingers finding the zipper.  
As slow as I imagine is even possible, he unzipped my dress, all the way to the end which landed just at my rear. I was expecting to feel a cool rush of air, but his body was so close I could feel the radiating heat on my bare skin.   
He leaned down a small bit and planted a kiss on my shoulder, an eerily sweet gesture, before teasing the straps down an inch.   
“Your hair smells like lavender~.” he noted out of the blue. “And you’re not wearing a bra either.”  
He ran a nail up my spine to the base of my head, sending me into shivers.  
“Were you expecting tonight to take this turn?”   
I’m ashamed to admit it, but I was certainly hoping it would, whether or not I thought it was actually going to happen.  
“I never know what to expect with you Hisoka.” I answered, my voice more low and sultry than I was anticipating.  
He chuckled and tucked a finger in each strap, pulling them down to my wrists.   
I was exposed from the waist up. The thought of being this vulnerable in his hands was terrifying, and exhilarating. He must have noticed my adrenaline because he wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his stomach to my naked back.  
“I can feel your hesitation; please do stop me if that’s what you want. I’m many things, Tess, but I’m not a rapist.” His voice was low and he spoke slowly.   
“I think you’re misreading me. But I’m not afraid of telling you no, don’t worry.” I tease.  
He laughed and released his arms from their comforting wrap, landing his hands on my naked side.   
“Sure, if you say so my dear.”  
With no further hesitation, he slid his hands down my side, over my hips, and partly down my thighs, pushing my dress off the remainder of the way.   
His hands slid back up towards my chest and he pressed his hips into me, pushing me against the counter. I could feel his excitement pressing on my lower back.   
Moments later his fingers found my breasts. First tracing around them with his nails, lightly enough to tickle and make me pull away from his touch.   
But he was done asking if I had cold feet.   
Finally he cupped a breast in either hand and gave them a faint squeeze. He froze for a moment before finding my nipples with his thumbs and forefingers.   
“Your nipples are pierced. I don’t think I would have ever guessed that of such a timid girl like you. Though I think somehow your innocence makes it all the more erotic~” he cooed.“Do you remember what I said earlier today?”  
“You say a lot of things Hisoka.” I say, leaning into his touch.  
“The closer I look at you, the more beautiful you get. And here you are, proving my point again.” he chided before twisting my piercings a little too hard.  
I let out a squeal in reaction, and grabbed his hands which were still twisting. It didn’t hurt so bad that I wanted him to stop, but he had been being so gentle it caught me off guard.   
“Oh, what a rewarding sound!” he said with excitement in his voice. “I’m sure there’s more where that came from, isn’t there.” seemingly challenging himself.  
He kept twisting harder, little by little, until I was squirming and trying to pull away from his hands. But he was like a slab of marble.  
“Hisoka please! You’re hurting me.” I whined, tugging uselessly at his hands.  
“Oh, am I. I’m so sorry.~” he lied, but released my rings.  
“Jeez.” I huffed, tenderly covering my chest, hips still pinned to the counter by his body.  
“I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t turning you on, kitten. Complain all you like, but I could feel how your body was responding. You’re very easy to read.” he explained, pressing his knee between my thighs suggestively.  
Of course I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the relationship between pain and pleasure, he could see right through me.   
“Let me make it up to you” he offered before swiftly picking me up bridal style and making his way to his enormous bed.   
He tossed me towards the center of it, laughing at my surprised yelp.  
I was left with just my panties and heels. I should have kicked them off earlier, but I did so now and pushed them off the bed.  
“You know. I’ve been thinking” he starts, while undoing his shirt. “I was right when I said I recognized you, during our match.”  
I never bothered to tell him about the hunter exam, it didn’t seem relevant.   
“You were so cute, even then. Though hardly a woman yet.” he said, pulling his shirt off and tossing it on the floor, “How old were you dear, when you took the hunter exam?”   
He stood there with his hands on his hips, ogling me while he awaited my answer.  
“Fifteen.” I replied meekly. I hadn’t really thought about it until now, but Hisoka was significantly older than me.  
“Which makes you, what, twenty?”  
“Twenty one as of last month.”   
“Hmm. Well that explains why I didn’t recognize you. I had no desire to kill you, but you were also too young to peak my sexual interest. You almost slipped completely under my radar. You’ve certainly grown up since then.” he says all while slowly undoing his belt. “It’s of no relevance now of course. It’s just that the lavender in your hair sparked my memory.~” his voice trailed off.   
His belt landed on the floor next to his shirt, and he looked back up at me, eyes now blazing.  
“How old does that make you?” I asked meekly.  
“Twenty eight” he replied shortly. “Do you have any idea how tantalizing you look just laying there?”  
But before I could protest he was on top of me, pinning my wrists on either side of my head and driving his hips between mine.  
“But enough about the past.” he barely finished saying before sinking his lips to mine again.  
I could feel how hard he was through my panties. I felt like a starved animal, I wanted to touch him so badly, yet my wrists wouldn’t budge.   
He chuckled at my feeble struggle and released my wrists.  
He pressed his lips back to mine for a moment before trailing down to my neck, sucking and nibbling as he went, one of his hands pawing at my thigh, occasionally running his nails along.   
I let my hands wander from his arms to his back.  
He sat up for a moment to undo his pants, never taking his eyes off of me.  
Feeling inspected, I reflexively covered myself.  
“Relax, sweetheart,” he slipped out of his pants, “you’ll have much more fun that way..~” his voice was as soft as ever, genuinely comforting and reassuring.   
I was still nervous about how exposed I was and stayed pretty defensive for a moment too long I guess.   
“Tess, I said to relax.” This time his voice louder and much more assertive. I took the hint and a deep breath, and relaxed my shoulders and arms.   
“See, is that so bad?” He asked as he leaned down to kiss me. I felt so small, laying under his broad chest like this.  
Our tongues were now toying with one another, until he broke our kiss again to trail down my neck. More sucking and biting, certainly leaving marks on me. He didn’t stop at my neck this time. He slowed his pace as he reached my breasts, planting one kiss square on my nipple while he teased the other with his fingers. His tongue flicking at the hard point while his teeth occasionally nipped at me, which really got a rise out of me.   
“You sound so sweet when you moan for me, kitten.” he cooed against my skin.   
His hands were now traveling down towards my last remaining barrier, teasing the seams.   
“Are you attached to these?” he asked.   
I’m not sure what he meant by attached. To my panties?   
“Uh, no I guess no-”   
I was cut short by a firm rip.   
“Good. They were in my way.” he breathed against my chest, now trailing even further south. Sucking and leaving marks as he went, trailing to my sides which tickled, and he laughed as I squirmed. He dragged his tongue across my lower stomach.   
“I must know what you taste like. You know I have a sweet tooth.~” He laughed at his own remark and hooked his arms under my thighs, his head between them.   
Man if I didn’t feel inspected before, I sure did now.  
“Can we turn that light off.?” I asked, though I was sure I already knew the answer.  
“Absolutely not, I want to witness every inch of you.” he teased, licking his lips before planting kisses on my inner thighs. “Do you think I’ve gotten you wet yet? Before the real foreplay has even started?”   
Knowing I’m dripping wet, and he can clearly see that, I rest my head back against the bed and cover my face.   
“Yeah.” I whisper.   
“Tell me Tess. Use your words.” his voice getting stern again.   
“I’m already wet, Hisoka, probably have been since the cab ride back.” I utter before my voice gives out.   
He laughed, probably at my honesty.  
“Good girl~.” and without any more hesitation, he slid his tongue from bottom to top, giving my clit a flick at the end.  
Between the hyperarousal, the intensity and the surprise, I let out a breathy moan and my thighs tensed up.   
“Mmmm. So satisfying is it not?” he hummed, licking his lips.  
He leaned back in and swirled his tongue around my clit, and giggled as he felt my legs twitch at the intensity. I felt one of his fingers circling my entrance, gently and carefully, minding his nails. He sucked on my clit while he slid just a single finger in.   
Even that got my breath shaky.  
He added another finger and flicked my clit with his tongue in every direction. With his two fingers he pressed up towards my belly, toying with a spot I didn’t know I had.  
I gasped and sat up on my elbows. His eyes met mine while he lapped away. They were so sharp and bright, unashamedly filled with lust.  
My moaning became more intense and loud, which only egged him on.   
“Hi-. Hisoka I-I” I stuttered on the verge of combustion.   
He chuckled with his mouth still over me. His breath felt hot.  
One more firm press against my g spot sent my legs shaking and head rolling back. I came on his fingers, against his expert tongue.   
“Hisoka! Oh my GOD, yes...” I moaned through my heavy breathing, my head and eyes rolling back as I came.  
He eased up on my clit as I came down from my orgasm, eventually removing his fingers and licking them clean as I struggled to catch my breath.   
“What a good girl. I knew you would be.” he said almost to himself as he stood up.  
I’m not sure what he meant by that, but there was no time to ask.  
“You’re on the pill, right? Would you still prefer I use a condom?”  
“No I’d rather without one if you’re okay with that.”   
I liked the feeling better. I trusted he’d been tested recently.   
“I suppose we can go without, if you insist.” he teased, pulling his boxers down and stepping out of them, leaving him completely naked.  
I’d never stopped to think about how huge he must be, and now I’m seeing first hand. He was fully erect from playing with me, long but girthy as well. Kind of daunting if I’m honest. I started sitting up and shifting positions so I could return the favor, but he grabbed me by the shoulders and pinned me back down.  
“You’re very considerate. And I will absolutely take you up on that offer another time. But I won’t put off fucking you any longer.”  
“Okay.” I whimpered, feeling a little selfish for not returning.   
Suddenly, he was back on top of me, between my legs. This time fully naked, his pelvis pressing against me and grinding as he kissed me needily, mouth still tasting like my arousal.   
“Can you taste yourself, kitten? You’re so sweet. I could eat you out all day~” he sang.  
“I’ll take you up on that sometime”, I retorted, trying to lighten the tension.  
He chuckled.   
“Take a deep breath for me, alright?” His face as soft as it’s ever been, “Trust me. It is in my best interest not to hurt you. Yet.” he whispered sinisterly.   
That’s probably a good idea. I took a deep breath and as I was slowly exhaling he rested his lips on my cheek by my ear before he pushed himself inside, steadily but firmly.  
Despite trying to save face I still let out a pitiful pained whine and gripped his arms a little too hard. It wasn’t unbearable but it’s the biggest I’ve experienced.   
He paused where he was for a moment, pressing a few kisses wherever he could reach, until he felt my grip relax.  
“Are you okay to continue, princess?” he whispered in my ear after burying himself as deep as he could.   
“Yes, please.” I begged, coming off more desperate than I was wanting to admit.  
I felt him chuckle and then started at a slow and deep pace, finally planting his lips on mine again. The sensation was amazing, this dangerous man towering over me, cock buried to the hilt, arms framing my face. I could already feel the pleasure building.  
“You feel so good kitten. You’re so wet for me.” he spoke into my mouth.  
Hearing him talk dirty to me sent shivers down my spine. I had my arms lazily wrapped around his neck, melting beneath him.  
His pace picked up. I could hear low moans in his throat.   
He grabbed both of my wrists and pinned them above my head with one hand. With his free arm he lifted my leg up and over his shoulder, getting a much deeper angle, hitting my limit with each pump.   
He kissed on my leg while his pace quickened from love making to fucking. There was a dull pain each time he bottomed out, but it felt so good, I was definitely screaming in pleasure by now.  
He sat up almost straight and put my other leg on his other shoulder.   
“Keep your wrists above your head.” He ordered.  
I obliged while he grabbed my thighs firmly and continued to slam into me. He reached a hand down and thumbed my clit while he fucked me, which nearly sent me over the edge.   
I reached instinctively down to play with my nipple to tip myself off the edge, but as soon as I got close, Hisoka pulled out and let go of me completely. My knees bent and fell back against my stomach, scared that I did something wrong.   
“I could feel how close you were, you were squeezing me.” he teased with a grin on his face.   
“Then why’d you stop.?” I pouted, unashamedly.   
“Because you moved your hands from where I told you to keep them, sweet girl. You only get to cum if you follow directions. Is that clear?” his tone was serious, he wanted me to submit to him.   
I wanted to submit to him. I nodded and looked up at his face.   
“I want you on top of me.” He said as he was laying down, his cock resting on his belly and his hands behind his head.   
“O- okay.” I stuttered as I straddled him at the hips.  
“Don’t be shy now. Move however feels good and let me watch you fuck me. Understood?” He quizzed.   
“Yes sir.” I blurted before I got the chance to think.   
He got a giggle out of it anyway, I’ll have to ask later what he wants me to call him, assuming he ever wants to fuck me again after this.   
I held his cock upright between my legs and slipped it from back to front, rubbing it on my clit, before finally lining it up and sinking down to meet his hips.   
He let out a deep satisfied sigh which made me smile. I like that I can make him moan.   
“Good girl.~ Now make yourself cum. I want to watch you”   
Something about that pet name made my heart pound, despite my defiant personality outside of the bedroom. He said to do what feels good for me, so I slid my hips back and forth, and leaned back, bracing my hands on his thighs. It took a minute but I found the angle that hit the sweet spot and it made me yelp at first.   
Hisoka just layed there watching me, hands behind his head, with a smile on his lips. His eyes altered between mine, and my chest, which I could feel bouncing as I moved. After a while he reached his hand down and rubbed his thumb on my clit, his hand laying flat against my groin.  
“I could watch this all day princess. You look so beautiful pleasuring yourself on me, and with that smile on your face. My.~” He cooed in encouragement, his eyes rolling back.  
When I finally stayed in the rhythm for a while, my legs began to twitch and tense, my abs clenching.  
“Good. Cum for me, and look me in the eyes.”   
“Yes sir.” I said without thought, I was too absorbed in my pending orgasm to care what I had to do to have it.  
Some more grinding and rocking later, the pleasure came to a head, I moaned way too loud, nearly screaming as my body convulsed on top of him. I hadn’t forgotten though, I changed my brace from his thighs to his shoulders, looking him in the eye as I came, watching them narrow with lust.  
“You’re so beautiful Tess~.” his voice trailing off as if he didn’t mean to say that.  
My stomach knotted. That was really genuine and felt really intimate. I was sure I was blushing.  
“I’d like to be incharge again. Do you like doggy style?” He asked so casually  
“Yes.” I replied, much more meek.   
“Great. Get on your hands and knees for me. Go on” he urged, patting at my thigh to signal to get off.  
I snapped out of my haze and did as he asked, being sure to arch my back and give him a good view and angle.   
“Mmmm. You look so eager, dear. You’re dripping wet.” he noted before plunging his mouth to kiss my bum on one side and briskly slap the other.   
I wasn’t expecting it so I yelped in surprise, but I don’t mind being spanked.  
His mouth moved to my puckered hole, circling his tongue around it, which felt absolutely amazing.  
I must have been whimpering and moaning because Hisoka stopped to chuckle.  
“Has no one ever pleasured you this way before?”  
“No. It’s really really nice though.” It felt so naughty, and dirty. Everything about fucking him felt forbidden.   
“Well I’m glad to be your first then, innocent girl.” he said before going back to continue licking and sucking.   
Eventually he slipped his tongue in just a small bit, the sensation was so intense he probably could have made me cum from just that.   
When he was satisfied he positioned himself behind, teasing my entrance.   
“I love seeing your cum run down your thighs, it’s so lewd~.” he practically moaned before lining himself up and pressing into me again.   
The momentary pain caused me to lift my back a bit. His hand pressed on my lower spine, asking me to arch back down, which I obliged.  
“Good. Just like that.”   
I gripped the sheets while he pumped into me, faster than he had been before. I could feel a puddle of drool forming at the corner of my mouth on the sheet, I couldn’t speak if I wanted to. I was starting to spiral again. Without even being asked I brought my hands behind my back and stayed face down. That got a rise out of him. I heard him practically growl as he reached from where his hands had been gripping my ass to grab both of my wrists in one hand.   
“So eager to be a good little slut, aren’t you? I do so appreciate your submission to me.”   
His pace quickened, I pushed my hips back against him, starving for more.   
“Sit up, your back against my chest.” he released my wrists and paused so I could reposition.   
I’d never done it like this before. Is there even a name for this?  
“Lean your head on my shoulder. Good. I’m going to make you cum again, and I want to hear you moan for me.”  
“Yes sir.” I barked like it was all I knew how to say.  
I rested my head back fully on his shoulder, keeping a small arch so he could fuck me like this.   
He wrapped his long muscular arms around me, one around my chest to play with my nipples, the other around my hip reaching down to rub my clit.   
“What do you need from me sweetheart. Ask for what you want.”  
“Kiss my neck, please” I moaned out, already overcome with stimulus.   
He pressed his soft lips against my neck and sucked little marks onto me, covering as much ground as he could. Moving to my shoulder he kissed sweetly for a moment before biting down, firmly but not hard enough to hurt. Keeping his teeth in me, he rolled my nipples around in his fingers, swirled my clit, and pumped his cock into me. I wasn’t even holding my own weight up anymore, I was gasping for air. I couldn’t think about anything other than being totally surrounded by him, surrendering to him completely.   
“Now cum for me, Tess.” Hisoka demanded with teeth grazing my neck.   
It must have been a magic word because I erupted in a shaking orgasm, losing all strength, screaming in pleasure before tensing up and falling forward. He held me up, wrapping his arms tightly around me, digging his fingers into my skin. I could hear his moans intensify, his chest vibrated with each one, like he was growling. He was getting close, his pace was becoming irregular.   
I laid my head back again on his shoulder and let my body go completely limp, moaning sweetly into his ear, whimpering and squealing as he got closer.  
“I want your cum, Hisoka.” I begged. “Please.”  
That undid him. He slammed into me as deep as he could a few more times before burying himself to the hilt and climaxing.  
I moaned and giggled with pleasure in his ear, squeezing him for every drop of cum. He was practically purring as he came down, fingers digging into my hips.  
He was quiet for a moment, relishing in his orgasm. He wasn’t out of breath. Before speaking again he peppered my neck and shoulder with kisses.  
“Well aren’t you a fun little play thing.~” he breathed, arms still gripping me in a vice, still buried in me, occasionally twitching.  
Once he got himself together he loosened his grip and slid out, leaving cum to drip from me.   
“Don’t move, I’ll be right back.” he whispered in my ear.   
A minute later he was back, but my back was to him. He came up behind me and I felt something warm and wet press against my legs. A cloth? Is he cleaning up the cum?  
“Hisoka, please. I can do that” I implored as I reached for the rag, before he yanked it away.   
“I’m afraid I can’t allow that. What kind of partner would I be if I didn’t take care of you after you were such a good girl for me~?” he insisted, kissing on my shoulder blades.  
Fine.   
He wiped my legs clean, then ran the cloth between them and held it there.  
“Now, you’re more than welcome to stay filled with my cum. Believe me, nothing would bring me greater joy, but I can rid you of it to avoid the mess.” He was so calm and confident, even about something so awkward.   
“Yes please.” I squeaked in comparison.  
Then I felt him slip two fingers inside me again, spooning his cum out. I was so sensitive I shivered at the touch.  
He wiped his fingers clean, then left, maybe to get drinks or to use the bathroom, I don’t know, but I didn’t want to move. I felt like I needed permission. I stayed kneeling on his bed until he was back a moment later. I heard him chuckle as he approached.   
“Relax, you’re free to move, kitten. Here, have a drink.” he handed me a glass of water as I settled to sitting on the edge of the bed.  
“And how can I know this isn’t drugged?” I jested.  
He leaned right into my face.  
“Because my dear, I’ve already had my way with you. I don’t need drugs to get you in bed with me” He stated like he was a little offended, before standing back up straight, one hand on his hip and taking a sip of his water. “Clearly.”  
This was the first time I really got a chance to ogle at him. He stood just in front of me. He was very svelte, all muscle, all over. His shoulders were incredibly broad, which was an interesting contrast from his narrow waist. His member was essentially right in front of my face, maybe a foot away.   
“Enjoying your view?” he teased, noticing my stare.  
I knew he was being lighthearted but I felt so in awe of him. I met his eyes for only a second before leaning forward and pressing a kiss just below his abs.  
“Careful.” He warned, leaning down to escape my kiss, and cupping my chin. “You wouldn’t survive another round, so don’t start one.”  
His eyes were subdued, like he was sedated. Small tendrils of vermillion hair had fallen around his face.  
“Your aura is so tense, maybe a bath will help you come down.” he suggested.


	9. On 'Caring'

Before I could answer he leaned down and put my arm over his neck, grabbed my waist, and hoisted me up on his shoulder.  
“Hey! Hisoka put me down, I can walk for god sake, you didn’t fuck me that hard.” I protested, feeling like a child.  
He ignored me completely, and made his way all the way to the bathroom. He stopped and faced the mirror, checking himself out?  
“What a cute bum you have, Tess.” he cooed before spanking one cheek hard enough to leave a handprint, and probably a bruise.  
“Thanks I gu- OW.” I winced at the sting, “What the hell was that for you prick!?”  
“I couldn’t resist.~”   
I could just hear the smile on his face.   
Fine. Well I’m within arms reach of your ass too, clown.   
I reach my arm out and down, preparing to return the favor, but he must have seen that coming because he put me down before I could.   
“Ohh, feisty are we? But you were so obedient while I had you screaming my name.~” he asked, pretending to pout.   
“Mind your manners little girl.” he said much more sternly, grabbing my jaw firmly and looking me in the eyes with a straight face.  
If that had lasted another second my legs would have started to shake, but he let go gently and turned to run a bubble bath in his huge tub.   
The room filled with the smell of strawberry. No wonder he always smells like this.  
He turned back to me, grabbed my shoulders and turned me around to face the mirror.  
We stood there quietly for a few moments before he spoke.  
“Just look at you.~” he oozed, standing behind me, pressed against my back again. “Aren’t you just adorable.”  
His hands massaged my shoulders with his long fingers and ran down my arms, tracing some of my tattoos. He was ogling me in the mirror.   
“I’m not sure adorable is the right word.” I questioned.   
“You’re right. How’s ‘breathtaking’? Stunning maybe? No, I think the word is fuckable. Look at you. Aren’t you just so fuckable?” he laughed at his vulgarity.   
I didn’t know what to say, I was feeling pretty self conscious at the way he was staring.   
His hands moved from my arms to my breasts, cupping them, kneading them gently.  
I rested my head back on his chest, and mewled softly at his touch.  
“I’ve made a mess of you, poor dear.”  
I looked back to the mirror, and watched him point out all of the hickies and bite marks he left, from my neck all the way down to my groin.   
“Perhaps men will leave you be now, being marked as my territory.” he sang, obviously proud of himself.   
“Your territory huh? You should know men aren’t so easily deterred.”   
The marks were pretty significant though. I didn’t realize how rough he was being at the time, but I’m speckled with purple dots and red crescents from his teeth.  
“Mmm. Perhaps not.” he said sullenly, “Right. Well our bath is ready.” he said as he turned and lowered himself through the bubbles.  
I followed behind him and lowered myself onto his lap, and fell back against his chest. The water was really hot but I didn’t want to seem like a baby.  
“Now relax, my little kitten. I can feel how tense your muscles are.” his thumbs rubbing firm circles in my thighs. “I would have thought that I had already worked these knots out of you.”  
I tried my best to relax fully. My body was tired, but fighting to stay on high alert. His arms wrapped around me, just holding me to his chest. He started humming some song that I don’t know but recognize from the night he put me to bed. I could feel the vibration of it in his chest, his cheek pressed against my head.   
This can’t be the same guy who nearly killed me.   
“Now was that so hard.?” he asked in a whisper. He must really be able to feel my stress.   
“It’s so exciting, feeling you so limp and vulnerable in my arms. I think this is the first time I’ve seen you with your aura off.”  
“Just now?” I asked, a little shocked.  
I hadn’t meant to keep my aura on this whole time…  
“Yes, just now.”  
“I didn’t realize I had been using it. Sorry” I sank a little deeper.   
“No need to apologize, dear. I understand your reservations about me.” He clarified sullenly.  
I’m not sure how long we stayed in the bath, but it felt like a lifetime. I must have dozed off to his humming and comfort, because the next thing I knew, I heard Hisoka whispering in my ear.  
“We have to get out sweet girl. You’re turning to a prune.~”   
Groggily, I stretched and started getting up, most of the bubbles had gone by now. I got out and wrapped a huge fluffy towel around myself, and looked back at him.   
“You coming.?” I ask.   
He was just sitting there watching me.   
“Of course.~” he finally replied, standing up.   
His body was breathtaking. Truly just pure muscle. I can’t help but wonder what he really thinks of my body. I’m not nearly as physically strong, and I’m certainly chubby in comparison.  
“You’re blushing, princess.” he noticed.   
“Yeah well. You must know how attractive you are, don’t you.?” I ask.  
I mean he can’t be totally oblivious to it.   
“I dress and act the way I do for many reasons. None of which are to be perceived as attractive. That’s not to say that it isn’t a side effect, men and women both love me~” he teased pompously, stepping out of the tub and wrapping a towel around his hips, a little too low.  
“Though, I had my doubts that you’d be interested in sleeping with me no matter what I did to win you over. ” he admitted.  
“Why’s that?”  
I’ve not done a good job at concealing my attraction.   
“Your aura is always so charged, around me anyway. Yet it almost seemed fueled by terror, or hate, not passion or excitement like I often see.”  
“Right. Honestly I’m still not convinced that you’re not planning my murder.” I murmur, still admiring his body.   
Who knows if I’ll ever have the pleasure of being this close with him again.  
He chuckled and just shook his head.   
“I’m not sure how to convince you. Now enough gawking~.” he said as he ushered me out of the bathroom.   
He led me back to his bed and I started drying off while he dug through his dresser. I stepped into my dress that was tossed on the floor. It was nearly midnight and I was exhausted, frankly I just wanted to go to bed.  
“Here, take thi-... what are you doing?” he questioned as he turned to me.  
“Getting dressed?”   
I was struggling with pulling the tight dress on with my skin still damp. After a few fruitless hops and twists I huffed and finally looked up at him. He held out a tshirt with an amused look on his face.   
“Don’t be ridiculous. Here.” he tossed the shirt at me.   
A little confused, I pulled the shirt over my head. It was hilariously too large, fitting like a dress.  
“You can’t possibly expect me to walk around the hotel like this can you? You’ve already heard what people are saying about me.”  
Hisoka had pulled on plain black sweatpants, they rested on his hip bones, showing a bit too much.   
“Tess, for god sake. You’re not going back to your room tonight, please get in bed.” His voice between a jest and a demand.  
“Oh. I didn’t think you’d even consider having me stay the night. Sorry” I said, lowering my eyes.  
How embarrassing, he must think I’m totally oblivious. I guess I was.  
“Why’s that?~” he sulked towards me, stopping just inches away, and rested his hands on my waist.  
“Don’t you look so cute in my clothes.~” he whispered, smiling with squinted eyes.  
“I don’t know, I mean… I can barely understand why you’d want to fuck me but spending the night seems like a different beast. Certainly not typical of a guy like you.”   
“A guy like me.? What kind of guy am I like dear.”   
He sounded a little offended.   
“Tess” he said, tilting my chin up. “What kind of guy do you think that I am?”  
My cheeks flush red, and I can almost feel tears welling up. I hate feeling like I’m in trouble, he seemed mad.  
“A womanizer? An independent guy? Is it surprising that I would assume you’re not one for commitment?”  
Hisoka doesn’t belong to anyone or anything. He’s his own man, no doubt about it.  
“I suppose that’s not a shocking assumption, though I’m not asking you to marry me, silly girl. I’m asking you to spend the night.~” his eyes and voice softened again.  
He can probably sense my anxiety. He let go of my chin and turned to walk around the bed.  
“Right. Okay.” I manage to choke out.   
“Excellent. Now, you’re exhausted. You fell asleep in the tub. Get into bed.” he ordered.  
I obliged, pulling down the luxurious sheets and blankets, and crawled onto his bed. It’s so large though, even though he had slipped in the other side we were still several feet apart.  
I finally got the chance to take in the details of the decor. The sheets were a creamy white, cottany and warm. The quilt folded at the bottom of the bed had intricate card suits embroidered on it and above us was a canopy made of a lightweight sheet, the same crimson of his hair. The moonlight was pouring over the silhouette of his body, his skin almost the same creamy color as the sheets. My head rested on a pillow as big as a child as I basked in the eccentric glory of it all.   
Hisoka shifted a bit closer to the center of the bed and cocked an eyebrow at me for only a second before rolling his eyes at me and scoffing. He flicked his fingers at a few key spots on my body to attach his bungee gum, and pulled me abruptly towards him. I landed just at his side, my face probably a little shocked looking.  
“You’re going to have to get over your anxiety, dear. I can feel it pouring off of you. Can you really not tell how desperately I want to be touching you? Or are you simply in denial.” he asked, releasing his bungee gum.  
“Do you really want me to delve into my insecurities? Well it all started because my father never hugged me as a child.” I joked, running a fingertip down my cheek with a pout on my lips.  
His chuckle echoed in the large open room. Carefully, he placed his arm under my head as he laid on his side.   
“You don’t have to tell me anything. But it would certainly make our lives easier if you stopped trying to keep your body from me.”   
His eyes were just slivers. His free hand trailed down my arm and found my hand, raising it to his face.  
“Don’t pretend that you don’t adore my touch.” he whispered into my fingers before planting a kiss on my knuckles.  
Laying there watching his face, I almost started to feel sad. Knowing him, he’d forget all about me tomorrow, and I’ll never have this moment again.  
He sighed a heavy breath.  
“In any case, you should sleep. I’m sure I’ve exhausted you.” he baited.  
He pulled me in so I was pressed against him, head on his chest, with his arms engulfing me.  
“Dream about me, kitten.” he purred with his lips against my forehead.   
In the warmth and, potentially false, sense of safety of the embrace, I fell asleep in only a moment.


	10. On Juxtaposition

I was scared to open my eyes, or to move, or to even breath. What if it was all a dream? Will he forgets that I exist, now that I’ve given him what he wanted? Most frighteningly, why did I care? I wasn’t the girl that fell in love after a one night stand.   
His arms were still around me, though we had shifted to spooning in the middle of the night. I let my fingers trace the definition of his muscles, relishing in his warm breath pouring over my shoulder. I wish I could look at his face, I’d love to see what he looks like while he’s asleep. I can’t imagine the word peaceful would ever come to mind when thinking of him, but if it was, it’d be while he slept. I don’t want to move too drastically and wake him just to find out. I guessed it was probably 7am, by the light in the room. I’ll just savor this moment while I have it.  
“Are you not going to say good morning?~” he hummed in my ear.  
Startled, I flinched before I could respond. I’d imagine that was his intention.  
“I didn’t know you were awake. I was trying to let you sleep”  
His chest shook with a silent laugh.   
“I’ve been awake for a while sweetheart. I didn’t have the heart to disturb you.”  
His voice was still sleepy and had more rasp than usual; somehow even sexier than it’s ever been. I stretched a bit and rolled to face him. His head was propped up on his hand, his hair even messier than the night before. Seeing him a little undone like this was a little jarring, compared to his usual composed self.  
“Well. Good morning then Hisoka.” I said while rubbing my eyes and face, trying to wake up.   
“Good morning indeed. Though I am a little sad that I can’t watch you sleep any longer, you looked so sweet.” he said cupping my cheek in his hand, his eyes resting closed with a lazy smile.  
I’d love to think that he really thinks I look sweet, and that he knows how intimate a moment like this is, but I don’t think he does. It hurts to think his sweetness has nothing behind it. It hurts that it doesn’t mean anything to him. That I don’t mean anything to him. It’s scary how literally over-night I’ve become reliant on his attention. I wonder if he had been cultivating that all this time.   
“You look upset. Is my morning breath really that bad?” he joked, giving my cheek a pinch before slinking out of bed. “Keep it up and you’ll get worry lines.”  
I was immediately cold with the lack of his touch.  
“Gee, isn’t your clown aesthetic just so perfectly fitting?” I moan.  
I saw his shoulders shake with a laugh as he made his way to the bathroom. A few moments later I heard the shower turn on.  
I needed some fresh air. I don’t know what to think or how to proceed. I stepped out of bed, out the balcony door and made my way to the railing. It’s unfathomably high, the 267th floor. At this point even some of the buildings look like ants.   
I sat there bathing in the sun for I don’t know how long. Nature really is so grounding. Though I’m not sure if it’s fair to consider the balcony on the 267th floor of a building in York New City ‘nature’.  
Eventually I hear the door click open behind me.  
“I’d thought you’d left when I didn’t see you in my bed.” he said, coming up behind me and holding the rail on either side of me, “I would have been a little offended”  
I did consider just leaving as he was in the shower, but it felt rude after he’s been so gracious.   
“No,” I leaned back on his chest, “didn’t want to leave without saying thank you.”  
“What for? This has certainly been all my pleasure.” he said with his chin propped on top of my head.  
“Even so, I appreciate it. I think you’ve shown me much more kindness than I deserve fro-.”  
“Enough of that.” he dismissed.   
We sat in silence for a minute, enjoying the sun and the breeze.  
“I should take you right here, over this railing sometime.~” he suggested, pushing me forward so I’m leaning over the edge a bit.  
Not being a huge fan of heights, I reflexively pushed back against him and braced myself on the rial.  
“Oh, afraid of heights, are we, princess?” he said leaning further forward to provoke me.  
“Oh you know, I uh, don’t prefer them” I stuttered still pushing against him, knees now shaking a little.  
“Have you ever heard of exposure therapy?”  
He wouldn’t dare.   
“His-”  
But before I could finish he’d started lifting me by my hips.  
“NO no no no” I pleaded, squirming like a child.  
He put me right back down, but must have been pretty pleased with himself with how hard he was laughing.   
I turned around probably looking as pissed as I felt.   
“Dick.” I said, pushing past him to get back inside.  
But I knew he had seen the smile at the edge of my lips.  
“Oh you WOUND me, princess. I was only teasing you.~” he said as he turned to follow me.   
I huffed off the anxiety and flopped backwards on the bed, covering my eyes.  
“I almost slapped you when I turned around. But I figured you might actually throw me off the edge if I did that.” I admitted.  
“Far from it, I would have just kept my word and fucked you over that railing. I really wish you would have.~”  
I just shook my head. I should have known he’d get off on that.   
I felt pressure on the bed on either side of my head, and uncovered my eyes. His face was hovering over mine, upside down, with a big smile and closed eyes. His hair was back to its usual slicked back style, and his cheeks adorned with their typical ornaments.  
“I am sorry for scaring you, but only a little bit.”   
His lips landed on mine for only a brief peck before he was off the bed again.   
“You’re more than welcome to stay here and use the amenities, but I have a fight at noon and some business to take care of before then, so I’ll be out.”  
“That’s okay. I’m going to head back to mine and clean up.” I felt sticky. I must have been sweating from how hot Hisoka’s body was under all the blankets.  
“Alright then. Well, thank you for your company, kitten.” he said as I stood up and started towards my clothes, “perhaps we can play again sometime.~”  
I pulled the borrowed shirt over my head and stepped into the dress.  
“Maybe.” I said nonchalantly, half because I didn’t want to seem eager, and half because I doubted he really meant it.  
I could feel his eyes burning into me.  
“Need a zip?” he offered.  
“Yes please.”  
He stepped behind me and zipped my dress up before running his hands from my shoulders down my arms.  
“Don’t be a stranger now, you always know where to find me.~” he said before planting one last kiss on the side of my head, and starting for the door.   
“Knock ‘em dead in your match today!” I called.  
“If you insist.” he said with a chuckle.   
What the hell does that mean?  
Left alone, I couldn’t resist the urge to snoop a little. I can’t imagine he kept a diary but there must be something interesting or telling laying around somewhere. On the surface there isn’t anything particularly interesting, he had made the bed while I was on the balcony. Everything was neurotically organized by the looks of it, which seemed way out of character for such a dislocated guy.   
The kitchen was mostly white, adorned with red towels and purple rugs. The only thing on the counter was a single red rose, gingerly placed in a slender glass vase. I didn’t think he’d keep that, but it’s somehow sweet that he did.   
Somehow I thought if I dug through anything, he’d probably notice. Plus he’s plenty deserving of his privacy, no matter how unyielding my curiosity was.   
Stepping into my heels and grabbing my purse I headed for my own shower. 

The hot water felt good on my skin, soothing my newly sore muscles. There was a series of small stinging sensations as I soaped up, correlating with the small crescent bite marks. All reminders of him.   
I couldn’t help but wonder what fight he could possibly have at noon. It’s pretty uncommon for a floor master to fight more than once every few months.   
After eating some leftovers cold out of the fridge, I put on a t-shirt dress and some old sneakers and headed to the ticket stand.   
Gon? That little kid is fighting Hisoka so soon? What kind of death wish does he have? I hope I don’t regret watching this fight. Oh god. I hope he doesn’t take my advice literally. I’d hate to see little Gon ‘knocked dead’.  
It was sold out when I got to the stand, but they allowed me an extra ticket, as floor masters are entitled to any fight.  
I had to get out of Heaven’s Arena for a while so I wandered around some of York New city and decided to treat myself to a haircut and a manicure. The manicure wouldn’t last, knowing me, but it was nice to pretend I was a normal woman for a few hours.   
Despite my dilly dallying, I still made it back to Heaven’s Arena with some time to spare. The stands were filling quickly. I watched people pour in from where I sat, further to the back. People were still filtering in when the lights dimmed and Cocco started introducing the fight. Hisoka wouldn’t kill him would he? He’s just a boy.


	11. On Letting Go

The fight was quite a thing to watch, though the power imbalance was obvious. I was just glad to see that Gon had gotten a few minutes to catch his breath as Hisoka gave some sort of ‘personality analysis’. I wonder if it’s at all accurate. Eventually he got to my aura type.  
“Conjurers are high strung and nervous.” He stated matter of factly.  
He’s right.   
“Oh and I am a transmuter by the way, both whimsical and a liar. We could become great friends you know, our opposing personalities attract. But I’d be careful if I were you, as transmuters are known to be fickle. What was once treasured can easily become trash.”  
My stomach sank. He’s right.   
The fight wrapped up quickly after that, and I was glad to see Gon made it out relatively unharmed.   
I stayed in the stands while the audience mostly cleared out. I couldn’t help but feel like he was speaking right to me. His voice replayed in my head. ‘What was once treasured can easily become trash.’ I’d bet money if I asked him if that applies to his love life he’d say yes. How can I possibly come to terms with that? That he could forget me at any moment? It’s either accept that as the truth, and be ready for the inevitability of it, or to step away before he has the chance to be the one who runs. Neither of those options sounded appealing.   
I decided to go back to my room and maybe do some reading or something to get my mind off of it. I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about my options. 

The elevator doors opened to my floor, and I wasn’t alone. He couldn’t have picked a worse time to show his face, frankly. At this point I was holding back tears, but I did my best to ease my feelings and not show him any sign of being upset. I couldn’t handle having an honest conversation about this right now.   
“Hey?” I questioned.   
Why would he even be here? He still had the scuffed mark on his cheek from when Gon landed a hit, but he looks absolutely awful for how little damage he took. His posture was off, any color left in his skin had drained, and he had huge bags under his eyes.  
“Hello, kitten.~”  
His voice was somehow strained.  
Not knowing what to say, and not really wanting to outright ask why he was here, I decided to divert the conversation away from myself.  
“Your fight was fun to watch, I’m glad you didn’t hurt him too badly.”  
“He’s not ready yet.” he said curtly.   
His eyes hadn’t met mine for more than a second this whole time, and he wasn’t offering up any conversation. Why is he here if he didn’t have something to say to me?  
“Are you okay?” I asked, taking another step towards him and the door leading to my room.  
“Yes, I doubt it will even bruise.” he said rubbing his cheek.  
I think he knew full well that I wasn’t talking about the punch.   
“Right. Well, uh, would you like to come in?” I offered, despite feeling a little uncertain of how to approach him in this state.  
“I would.” he said as I opened the door and stepped in.  
He stepped in right after me and stayed quiet.  
“Welcome, I guess.” I said with a stiff chuckle.  
His aura was really tense. Not angry or blood lust like but certainly inflamed. I could feel mine start to mimic it.  
“Okay. Enough of avoiding my question okay? What the hell is wrong.” I said now staring intently at his face, waiting for him to even so much as look up at me.  
His aura grew even more wild before his eyes met mine. They were bright and bloodshot, they looked like neon lights.   
“That fight took more out of me than I had anticipated. I’ve never had to hold back like that before.” he started to explain.  
“Okay and that… stressed you?” I said, not completely seeing the correlation.  
“I don’t like holding back.” he said, now taking a step towards me.  
And suddenly he had me pinned to the wall, his face inches from mine.  
“I’m not going to fight you just so you can get your kicks, Hisoka.” I said with my brows furrowed, before shoving uselessly at his shoulders.  
What am I, some kind of stress relief? Go to the gym like the rest of us.   
“I don’t want to fight you, Tess, I just want to let go.~” his voice returning to its usual warble.   
“Let go.? I don-” but I was cut off.   
His lips pressed so hard against mine I was sure they’d bruise. Before I could protest in the slightest, he had lifted me by the hips and wrapped my legs around his waist, pressing me against the wall with the full weight of his body.   
I was too emotionally weak to deny him. Despite my turmoil, I wouldn’t push him away. The thought of not allowing myself the pleasure of his touch made my heart wrench.   
Ignoring my inner conflict, I wrapped my arms around his neck and tightened the grip of my legs around his torso.  
His teeth on my lips were drawing blood, and his hands were gripping my thighs so tightly I could feel the bruises already forming. He was losing control, and I was encouraging him.  
I kissed back with equal hunger and ferocity, grabbing handfuls of hair and digging my nails into his back. The more savage I let myself be, the heavier he started to breath.  
His chest was pressing me against the wall so hard I could barely fill my lungs, until he pulled away and walked us towards the bed.   
Throwing me down on the bed and pinning me there, he unceremoniously lifted and pulled off my dress completely before yanking his shirt over his head. His mouth went straight for my collar bone, sucking and biting. His hips pressed between mine and ground me into the bed harder as I raked his back and arms with my nails, raising a moan from his throat. With his mouth now at my stomach, nearly gnawing at, he pulled my panties off and quickly replaced them with his hand, palming and pressing.   
I was already breathless by the time he stripped of his pants and boxers and was leaned over me again, face over mine.   
“Let me let go. Please.” he begged, his face and eyes looking desperate as he then slipped two fingers in and massaged my g spot.  
Between breaths and moans I was able to meet his eyes and nod. I wanted him to lose himself in me.  
His lips smashed into mine again and he rested some of his weight on me before lining himself up and pressing into me.   
I couldn’t stop the whiny moan from escaping my lips, landing on his.   
He wasted no time in picking up his pace, hard and fast like he was starved. Trying not to be too loud, I moved my lips to the crook of his neck, biting down to brace for his movements. He was huffing hard breaths against my neck occasionally stretching down and nipping at my skin.   
Without warning he sat halfway up and pinned me down by the throat. It caught me off guard for a moment, and actually hurt before I pushed just enough nen to my neck to combat his strength. Even still, I left myself vulnerable enough to feel the head lightening effects of the lack of blood flow.   
His eyes were so dark now, nearly brown. He lifted my leg over his other shoulder and continued crashing his hips to mine.   
“You’re so good, Tess. So very good. I adore that look on your face.~” His voice was strained and fierce, like I had never heard it.   
Desperate for relief, I reached one hand down and circled my clit, the other hand gripping the arm he was using to choke me.   
I could barely hear the growl in his throat as I came. I couldn’t hardly even moan with his hand pressed on my windpipe like it was. But suddenly he removed it, moving it to grip my jaw and face my eyes to his. As soon as he’d released my neck, whimpers and moans poured out as remnants of my orgasm. I’d never seen him breathing so hard, and with so much hunger in his eyes.   
“I want you in my mouth” I begged before I could even think it through.  
His eyebrows raised for a moment before pulling out, grabbing my wrists and pulling me out of bed. My legs were still shaking from my own climax, so I sank down to my knees with no protest. Looking up at his face I realized this could be a mistake. His eyes were back to being brighter than the sun, his lips twisted into a smile. Not to mention I hadn’t considered how large he was.   
Knowing he wouldn’t be inclined to be patient, I quickly rested my hands on his thighs before taking the tip of his cock in my mouth. He was already slick from my arousal which made it easy to sink my face towards his hips, taking several inches of him.   
With a deep sigh he wove one of his hands into my hair, and the other on the side of my face. It felt like the time to prove something, that I was good in bed I guess. Keeping my eyes on his, I bobbed back up to the tip before sliding it back down, this time taking him nearly completely down my throat.   
I could feel him twitch with pleasure, and his hand in my hair tensed up to hold me there for a moment before pulling me away completely, leaving strings of spit between us. I left my mouth open, taking the hint that he wanted some control. I could feel his hesitation.   
“It’s okay, let go” I reassured him in a near whisper.  
With that he pulled my head back in and sunk himself until my nose was pressed to his groin. Despite my permission, reflexes kicked in and I squirmed a bit at the intensity before he pushed his hips against my face one more time and slapped me across the cheek. Tears were welling in my eyes before he pulled out completely. This time I was left coughing for a moment before I could continue. When I looked back up I still had tears in the corners of my eyes, but opened my mouth again for him. Now he was holding my head in place while he thrusted his hips, slipping occasionally down my throat and making me gag and squirm. I could feel how close he was by the way his cock twitched in my mouth, and his hips sputtered as he thrusted. I looked up again to meet his eyes, but his head was rolled back. Desperate for him to cum, I ran my nails from his abs to his groin, and cupped his balls in my hand. Without much more than that, he was at his climax. I braced myself thinking he would finish in my mouth, only he wouldn’t. He took it one step further and pulled my head in all the way to his base again, nose pressed to his core, and came down my throat.


	12. On Worthiness

Unable to breath and gagging on his length, I struggled against his hands for a moment before he was done, and pulled out.  
I gagged one more time at the sudden relief before coughing and choking on his cum. I sat back on my heels and planted my hands on the ground before trying to catch my breath, but before I could completely recover, his hand was under my chin, pulling me up to look at him.  
I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I got a very soft kiss on the lips before he let go again.  
Still coughing some, and getting air back in my lungs, I sat with my head hung for a few moments.  
“Here.” I heard from above me  
Looking up he was handing me a glass of water.  
“To help wash it down.~” his voice back to being light and airy.  
I took a few gulps in an attempt to soothe my burning throat, to no avail.  
He took the glass from my hand and set it on the nightstand, before reaching back down and wiping his thumb across my lips and chin, still dripping with spit and probably cum.  
“I'm sorry about the mess, princess. I hope you knew what you were consenting to when you told me to let go.~” he said chuckling.  
It felt good to hear him laugh again after how stoic he was earlier.  
“Come on now, get up.” he said with a hand stretched out to me.  
I grabbed his hand and he pulled me up into a surprising embrace.  
“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your comfort in my time of need” he said in a slightly sarcastic voice.  
I knew he was appreciative, he was just mocking himself for his bad mood.  
His whole body felt like a million degrees, even hotter than usual. He still smelled like strawberry but it was now mixed with his sweat. Somehow it was still sweet smelling, in a way it was almost an exhilarant. His chest was still rising and falling heavily.  
“I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you out of breath.” I choked out, arms lazily wrapped around him now.  
“Not many people have, as not many people take my breath away.~” he said with a small laugh, presumably at his own corniness.  
“Good one.”  
I could feel my body relaxing against him. I don’t know if I was just spent or if I was tired.  
“We’re both really sweaty” I noted as I peeled myself away from him. “Shower.?” I suggested with a bit of bravery.

Hisoka’s Perspective:

It’s adorable how much confidence she had to muster for that one word alone.  
“How could I possibly say no to an offer like that~” I hummed.  
Her voice was raspy and croaking, the steam from the shower would be good for her.  
I reached a hand down and smoothed her wild sex hair. She purred and nearly closed her eyes at the touch, before turning on her heels and walking to the bathroom. I do wonder if she could feel my eyes on her as she was walking away.  
Her room was still plain, and her luggage was still packed on the floor. I’d never admit it to her face, but she was more powerful than she thought. She deserved her title.  
I watched her lean into the shower and turn it on, avoiding the cold water as it warmed up, before I was interrupted.  
“It’s probably not as hot as you’d like it but I have sensitive skin okay? I can just FEEL you getting ready to tease me about it too.” she pointed a finger at me in accusation with her face in a pout.  
“Have I ever teased you, kitten?” I said, hoping to get a reaction from her.  
“Oh, no never.” she quipped sarcastically. “I’m oh so sorry for accusing you.” she said before stepping into the water.  
“I’ll accept your apology this time. But do be careful, you’re on thin ice.” I prodded as I made my way to join her.  
She only let out a small sarcastic hum as she held her arms out towards me.  
I stepped into the shower and dropped my eyes to her waist, resting my hands on her. Her skin was glistening in the water, the smoothness of her curves shining in the warm light. She let her arms rest on mine and dipped her head back to wet her hair. I almost felt bad for how marked I had left her otherwise flawless skin. The marks from last night mixed in with the new, varying shades of purple and red, my two favorite colors. Besides bite marks and hickies, she had wide bruises on the sides of her legs and hips. I can’t remember ever leaving so much damage on any of my partners in the past. In a way that I know is twisted, I thought they looked beautiful with the small streams of water rinsing over them.  
“God look what you did. I look like I was fighting off a pack of rabid dogs.” she said with her voice trailing off, following my gaze.  
Stepping out of the water, she grabbed a loofah and some soap, I dipped into the water for a moment. She was right about the temperature, I would have said it was nearly cold.  
She turned back towards me with the soaped up loofah, and rolled her eyes at me pretending to shiver.  
“You’re a big baby.” she teased, but with a smile on her lips.  
She stood just in front of me and proceeded to circle the loofah over my chest. Her other hand was holding mine at my hip, and her eyes fixed straight ahead of her. I sat and watched her lather up my chest and arms, her eyes never looking up.  
“Turn around?” she suggested in the tiniest voice, finally meeting my gaze with her big soft eyes.  
“Oh course.~” I said, and turned to face the water.  
“Oof. I guess I’m no better than you.” She huffed as she ran the loofah down my back, which was followed by a series of small stings.  
I couldn’t hold back a chuckle, remembering her tearing her nails across my flesh.  
“You did indeed look rabid while you did that, it’s not an image I intend on forgetting any time soon.” I teased, as she covered my back and shoulders.  
“Are you complaining?” she asked, pausing her washing to wrap her arms around my waist and rest her head on my back.  
Her grip was always so gentle, and her aura was so peaceful, it nearly had a calming effect.  
“No, I’m certainly not.” I reassured, knowing she already knew the answer.  
I felt her hum in her chest.  
“I think it’s my turn, don’t you?” I said as I took the loofah out of her hand.  
Her aura instantly tainted with a hint of anxiety.  
“Sure, but you really don’t have to. I was just looking for an excuse to touch you. You really don’t have to...” her voice tapering off again.  
Insecurity hmm? How interesting. We’ll have to work on that.  
I turned to her and switched places so she was nearest to the water.  
“Explain something to me, dear. Why are you so ashamed of your body.” I said, watching her eyes.  
She instantly froze up, the anxiety in her aura festering. She must have misread my eyes narrowing, as her face blushed bright red and she nearly took a step away from me.  
“I’m only asking sweetheart, it’s not an accusation.” I tried to reassure her. For some reason, her distress made me uncomfortable.  
“I’m not sure I have an answer for you, and even if I did I don’t think you’d like it.” her voice was small again, but she unlocked her joints and relaxed a small bit.  
“It’d be my pleasure to help you wash, but I don’t mind if you’d rather I didn’t.” I offer.  
Earning her trust is proving to be very difficult. She’s locked herself up tightly. Little does she know I the challenge of busting her wide open.  
“I mean, I don’t mind. Your question just caught me off guard. I hadn’t really been thinking about it.” she said with her voice finally returning to it’s normal sing-songy self.  
Her body relaxed too as I turned her facing away from me, and pulled her to lean on my chest. She felt so small and soft, like I might accidentally crush her if I happened to sneeze.  
“What do you mean when you say that I might not like your answer?” I quizzed, one arm around her waist and the other lazily dragging the loofah across her collar bones.  
I let her think for a moment, and tried to soften my aura to invite her comfort.  
She sat in silence for another minute before finally speaking up.  
“I just know you’re not going to want to hear it. Or you won’t believe me or something. Honestly depending on your mood I bet it would even piss you off.”  
She laid her head back on my chest and turned it so her cheek was pressed to it, looking up at me.  
“I don’t understand. Please just tell me, I promise I won’t be dramatic.”  
Her eyes filled with worry and maybe a little sadness.  
“Fine.” her head facing forward again, “I was in a serious relationship for a while with a guy who was very… particular… about how he wanted me to look.”  
Hmm. That’s quite an interesting answer. It’s hard to imagine her ever tolerating a relationship like that, though I imagine it’s contributed to her guardedness. Though thinking about it, I had noticed her peculiarity about what she eats.  
“Do you feel that I’m judging you?” I ask  
She was quiet again, thinking about her response. I soaped up her shoulders and trailed down to cover her breasts, minding her jewelry. The soap slowly fell from her shoulders and collarbones down over them, draping them in sheets of white, through which I could occasionally see her swollen nipples. I continued down and rubbed circles on her stomach.  
I felt her suck in just a hair.  
“Honestly, no I don’t. Why would you bother with a girl who you didn’t find attractive? You obviously have your pick of women.”  
She sighed and let her body truly relax.  
“The insecurity is past the grasp of reason. My actual power and ability doesn’t translate exactly to how I calculate my worth I guess. Anyway, I’m working on it, okay?” her voice now dismissive and slightly accusational.  
“No need to be defensive, sweet girl.” I tried to reassure her, “I’m not sure what value my words will hold but if it’s any comfort to you, you should know that I am insatiably attracted to you, physically.”  
That was true. Even now, feeling how yielding the flesh on her hips was, was satisfying at the very least, if not down right erotic. Not to mention all of the marks on her body I’d left as a result of my arousal at her figure.  
“Only physically? Gee, thanks” she laughed, looking back up at me.  
“I suppose you make decent company as well,” I joked with a roll of my eyes.  
Her resulting little giggle made my face feel hot in a way it hasn’t, possibly ever.  
Her laughing subsided and ended with a deep sigh.  
Suddenly she threw her hands up as if she was frustrated.  
“You’re just so stupid fucking muscular! It’s infuriating!” she whined as she spun around.  
“I mean. Come the fuck on…” she pouted, gesturing wildly to my body, “how can I compete…”  
Her temper tantrum was hysterical, but ended as soon as it started. Her arms landed at her sides and she groaned as she ran her hair under the water again.  
“I’m not sure I understand what we’re competing against one another for. You’re just not your type, kitten. And I’m not my type either.” I said as I leaned against the wall and watched her wash her hair, taking in her outstretched body, leoparded in my marking.  
“Oh is that so? What’s your type then?” She asked with her eye closed and hair full of bubbles that trailed down her neck and over her breasts.  
“Sweetheart, if you’d like me to spell it out for you I will. All you have to do is ask.”  
“Then spell it.” she taunted with a shrug of her shoulders.  
“Very well. I’ve always preferred women shorter than me, and I’ve always been drawn to tastefulness and femininity. Round faces, big eyes, sweet smiles. Body type wise, I’m a real sap for curves and softness. Sound familiar?”  
Her hair was rinsed clean and she brought her eyes back to me, a little smirk on her face.  
“You’re funny.” she quipped in disbelief, laughing to herself.  
“I shouldn’t be surprised that you wouldn’t take my word for it, should I.” I sighed mostly to myself. “You’ve never thought to question why I’m always trying to feed you? Do you think I’d send you hundreds of dollars worth of dessert if I had any concern for how it would affect your body?”  
“Whatever you say, His.” she teased.  
She hadn’t called me His before now, it sounded so cherubic on her tongue, like it was someone else's name.  
“You’ll believe me someday. For now I’m going to dry off. Take your time.”  
“Okay. Wait one more thing!” she blurted just before I stepped out.  
“Yes?”  
She held her arms up and opened towards me again, asking for an embrace. Her purity never ceased to surprise me, even after how I treated her.  
More than happy to oblige, I stepped into her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. Her hair smelled strongly of lavender again. Her arms squeezed tightly around my stomach, and I could feel her making fake straining noises like you would when arm wrestling a child.  
Quickly enough to surprise me, she lifted her arm away and slapped my ass cheek enough for it to sting. Before I could come up with an appropriate retaliation, she pushed me away and held me at arm's length with the most devious and shit eating grin I could imagine on her face.  
“I had to. Hisoka I had to. What other choice did I have?” She barely rattled off between hysterical laughter.  
“Oh, princess.” I said slowly, drenching my voice in mock threat, narrowing my eyes to slits.  
I lowered my face down before hers and tried unsuccessfully to hold back a smile.  
“You hadn’t made an enemy of me until now. I’d watch your back.~”  
She was still reeling with laughter, nearly screaming from it. I hadn’t heard someone laugh this hard since I was a boy. Her face looked so angelic, like it had never seen tears. I almost felt afraid that I might somehow taint it, just by bearing witness.  
Coming down from her madness she met my eyes, but her face was twitching as she tried to contain herself.  
“You’ll never live another safe day in your life. Do you even understand what you’ve done? Can you even fathom the rage you’ve instilled in me?” I tried threatening, but my smile gave me away.  
She burst into squealing laughter, throwing her head back.  
“Your butt is so cute, His! And now it has my handpri-” she managed to get out before howling again.  
“Hilarious.” I noted flatly, before cupping her cheeks and clasping my lips to hers.  
I had to taste her laughter. I wanted to breath it in, like air into my lungs.  
She laughed against my lips for a moment before calming to just a smile and a purr.  
Pulling away to look at her face, she had tears in her eyes and just the biggest smile I had ever seen.  
Seeing her like this made me feel almost nauseated.  
I released her face and turned to get out of the shower, finding a towel and wrapping it around my hips.  
“It’d be in your best interest to sleep with one eye open, I have the Zoldyck's on speed dial.” I called over my shoulder as I left the bathroom.  
I could hear her giggling echo in the open room as I closed the door behind me.  
Her suite was nearly empty, with no decorations of her own other than the bouquet of flowers I had sent her. Taking a step closer, I saw something sitting beside it on the table.  
It was one of my cards. The queen of hearts, sitting face up and stained with her blood. I didn’t think she’d keep that, but it’s somehow sweet that she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keeping Hisoka in character is nearly impossible for what I was going for. I think I did an okay job? I'm kinda aiming for him to also feel that he is breaking character, you know what I mean? I have much more of this story written, if anyone cares for me to polish it and release the rest let me know. Thanks for reading this far! <3


	13. On Entitlement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all of your interest! I didn't think anyone would read this lol. Sorry about the short chapter, I'm too lazy to configure appropriate chapters. More to come! Feel free to leave CONSTRUCTIVE criticism in the comment!

Who knew Hisoka could be so lighthearted? Even if it had only lasted a few minutes, it felt like playing with a childhood friend.   
Except naked in the shower together…  
It only took a minute of being alone with my thoughts for them to spiral back to reality. Nothing had changed, he is no less fickle than he was. Frankly, this had all just proven just how wildly his feelings could swing from one extreme to another.   
Was it possible to just enjoy it for what it is now, without it feeling like a loss in the end? How can he live so fully in just the present? That’s a third of a normal person's life. Do I bring it up with him and get a solid answer, so that I at least know what to expect, or would that ruin what we have now? I feel like all I can do is pray for the strength to find happiness, even if I relinquish my control.   
“Wow, what a deep shower thought, Tess” I mumbled to myself as I found a towel.   
Walking back into the room, I half expected Hisoka to have already left. But he hadn’t, he sat at my counter now fully dressed and flipped a card around in his hands.  
“Are you trying to be mildly threatening? Or is that just a natural bi-product of you playing.” I asked, mostly serious.  
“The latter.” He said, swiveling the stool to face towards where I stood by my luggage. “Why haven’t you unpacked? Don’t plan on staying?” he asked.  
Trying not to get my hopes up that he was asking for his sake, I shrugged my shoulders.  
“I’m not really sure.” I admitted. That was the truth.  
He was quiet as I slipped on a new pair of underwear and put my dress back on from earlier.  
“Your hair looks very pretty by the way.” he said, eyes focused on the card he was fiddling with.  
“Thanks? I kind of hate it when it’s wet.” I said.   
I shook my head to loosen the clumps of hair that stuck to my skin.  
“I meant the color, it’s very ‘Ice Queen’ of you. It looks lovely with your eyes”  
Oh. I had forgotten about my earlier impulse to get most of my hair bleached nearly white.  
“Oh duh. I forgot I even did that. Thank you”  
I came to stand by the counter and watch him play with the card.   
Wait.  
“Is that my card?” I blurted.   
It was the queen of hearts that he had impaled my arm with. What a weird and disturbing thing to be suddenly sentimental about.   
“Yours? No, I don’t believe it is.” he teased. “But I’ll let you hold onto it for me.” he said, reaching out to hand it to me.   
“Than-” I almost said.  
But before I could grab it he twisted his wrist and made it disappear. His eyes were resting closed with a smug grin plastered on his face.  
“Do you doubt that I’ll pat you down?” I threatened, starting with his shoulders and chest.  
He hummed and watched me grope at him for a moment before twisting his wrist again and handing the card to me.   
I’m not sure why I kept it. It seemed somehow sacrilegious to throw it in the trash. It was a really pretty card, covered in ornate and intricate little drawings surrounding the beautiful queen. It’s only imperfection was that it was stained up halfway in blood.  
“Why keep it? Seems like a sinister thing to be reminded of.”   
He’s right. It’s nothing but a reminder of how he genuinely tried to kill me.   
“I’m not sure.” I said looking up from the card, “what else was I supposed to do with it?”  
“You could sell it, I can’t imagine what price it would go for. Maybe then you could afford an interior designer,” he mocked.  
“Yeah well your room looks like a circus tent.” I mumbled under my breath, intentionally childish.   
He chuckled and cocked his head.  
“How would you decorate it? If you had to I mean.”  
Why? Is that somehow telling of my personality or something?  
“I don’t know. More warm tones, more softness. More color.”   
I looked around at the nearly all white flat.   
He reached out and pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around my stomach and propping his head on my shoulders. My heart sank a little.  
“Maybe plants, something alive. I wish they allowed cats in here. A fuzzy blanket. A fluffy rug. I’d paint the kitchen cabinets blue.”  
“Blue?” he interrupted.   
“Yeah. The high ceilings are nice but it feels so vacant. I feel like adding some saturated color up there would help it feel more homey.” I trailed off in thought. This place could be really nice if I did bother to redecorate.   
“Homey.” he repeated.   
I turned over my shoulder to look at his face.   
“Are you listening or are you just parroting every fifth word I say?” I said with my brows furrowed.   
He laughed under his breath before meeting my eyes.  
“I’ve never listened so intently in my life, dear. Not even in school. You feel that the room is lonely, and cold, and empty.” he said with his eyes melting like honey.   
“Yeah.”   
That could have easily been a description of how I imagine my life will be when he leaves.  
I have no right to feel this attached to him. He didn’t ask for this.   
“Are you alright? You almost sound sullen.” He asked, furrowing his brow and studying my face.  
“I’m fine. Just admiring your face.” I lied, reaching up and pinching his cheek.  
“Admiring my-” he stopped to giggle, “anyway, It’s occurred to me a few times recently that I don’t have your cell phone number.” he noted out of the blue.  
“And yet you always seem to find me. ‘Serendipitously.’” I quoted.  
“I only stalked you until I got you to go to dinner with me.” he retorted.   
I got up out of his lap, begrudgingly, and dug my phone out of my purse.   
“Here, trade you.”   
I handed him my phone, unlocked.  
He handed me his phone in return and I added my contact in, omitting a picture.   
“Alright. What's taking you so long? You’d better not be snooping through my pictures.” I snarled, half joking.  
“Oh, do you have interesting pictures?” he mocked, raising his brow.  
“Alright enough” I said, reaching for my phone, but he stretched away from me holding it at arm’s length.  
“What could possibly be more explicit than the sight of you choking on my cock until you had tears, kitten.” he teased.   
“God. Gross. Whatever, look all you like.” I said, attempting some reverse psychology.  
He grinned and handed my phone back.   
“I promise ‘gross’ is not the word that comes to my mind”  
I looked in my contacts under H and found ‘💧His⭐’  
“Does Tess not start with a T?” he asked, not finding my contact.   
“Try k.” I hinted, blushing.  
“Ahh. I like the cat emoji. Very cute.”


	14. On Disapproval

“TTEESSS!” I hear from down the hall.  
Looking that way I saw Killua and Gon pushing each other and running towards me.  
Over the last few weeks the boys had been on my tail, always asking questions and wanting to show me their progress. It’s been really fun having them as company, they remind me of my little brother in so many ways. And yet in so many ways they are so much different.   
“Tess! Tess look!” Gon begged as he exploded with ren.   
His face was bruised and swollen from his match with Hisoka earlier this week, but you wouldn’t know it by his attitude.  
“Awesome Gon, that’s so much more than last week!” I praised, watching his little face light up.   
“Oh yeah? Well look what I learned. Brace yourselves.” Killua warned.   
He stood quiet for a moment before releasing a burst of blood lust at me.  
“Kil, Jesus Christ don’t do that.” I batted at his shoulder.  
“I didn’t mean it, I just have to say in my head that I want to kill you” he tried to defend.  
“Oh yeah that makes it so much better.” I snipped sarcastically, shaking my head at him.  
I promised them I’d show them my whips and demonstrate their powers for them, so we were heading to the sparring room.   
It’s just a huge auditorium with the floor covered in matts, and a tape grid. The boys took turns trying to dodge my whip, though I got them a few times despite really trying not to.   
“Ow!... That really feels like a real whip…” Gon pouted.   
“I’m sorry hun, gotta be quicker than that.” I teased.   
“So you can’t freeze our nen because we aren’t projecting it?” Killua asked after we had finished playing.  
“Yeah exactly. That power is most useful against Emitters, Transmuters, and Conjurerers. Occasionally a Specialist. Enhancers and Manipulators are a little harder to get a grasp on.” I explained. “Alright I’ve had plenty of fun beating you guys up but let’s get some dinner.”

We sat down at the restaurant and I took my light cardigan off, scooching into the booth across the boys.  
“Have you seen Hisoka? I remember he was bothering you a few weeks ago after your fight.” Gon asked, playing with his straw.  
“We’re on good terms” I replied hoping that’d be the end of it.   
Killua looked up and started to say something before shock took over his face.  
“Jeez Tess, what the hell did you do to your neck?” he asked, leaning to get a better look.   
My face got hot immediately. I forgot that my hickies and bite marks were still healing, despite being faint.  
“Curling iron incident.” I laughed off, but Killua’s face had already fallen into a smirk.  
“Oh wow, and on your chest too?” Gon asked, looking very concerned.  
I was quickly putting my sweater back on.  
“Gon, they’re no- OW” Kill exclaimed, after I kicked him under the table.  
“They’re not what?”  
“They’re not so bad. Is all. Honestly I bet she liked it.” Kill teased, staring me down.  
“Liked being burned by a curling iron? Why would she like that?” Gon said looking at me.  
“He’s talking out of his ass Gon, ignore him.”  
“Okay then. I really don’t think you should curl your hair anymore if that’s the result.”  
“Do you have plans to curl your hair tonight, Tess?” Kill baited, still wearing that shit eating grin.  
“I might.” I snipped, staring him down.  
The waitress arrived and set down our drinks and some bread. I sat quietly and watched the boys banter, shooting straw papers at each other and fighting over the last patt of butter.  
Gon was tucking into his food with the rest of us when his head shot up suddenly  
“Hey I think Hisoka must curl his hair too, I think I saw a few burns on his neck a few days ago. So don’t feel so bad, it must be hard to master!” He chided, trying to make me feel better.  
Oh sweet mother of god. Of any conversation in the world, this would have to be the most terrifying. Is he playing dumb to make me feel better or his he really so blissfully innocent?  
Killua choked on his drink at Gon’s words. Please for the love of god Kil, don’t.   
“WITH HISOKA!?” he screamed, the entire restaurant quieting for a moment.   
My face must be ridiculously red.   
His voice lowered, now to a screaming whisper.  
“Tess, you’re fu- curling your hair with HISOKA?!” he continued.   
“I don’t really think that it matters, Kill does it? A grown woman can do what she wants with her hair.” I tried descelating.  
“I think I’m lost. Is Hisoka teaching you how to curl your hair? His hair IS pretty nice…” Gon asked, now lost in thought.  
“Oh I bet he has a lot to teach you, Tess.” Killua snarked, now past his shock and belly laughing. “I guess you really are on good terms. Really really good terms.”  
I shot him a look. If I could keep Gon in the dark that’d be great. Poor kid doesn’t need that image in his head.   
“That is pretty nice of him I guess. Just be careful around him okay? He might have ulterior motives.” His face scrunched.  
“I’ll keep that in mind Gon, thanks.” I said, now trying to hold back my own laughs.   
Killua returned to his hysterics.  
“Killua what’s so funny? Just because you don’t curl your hair doesn’t mean other guys can’t.” Gon defended.   
Oh god he’s so sweet this is painful.  
“Oh I’ve curled my hair before, Gon.” Killua chuffed with a proud grin.  
Now it was me who was yelling.  
“I’m sorry Kil you WHAT!?” I stared at him shocked. He better be bluffing.   
“Well. I mean I guess it wasn’t curly curly. It was just wavy. Only a little bit” he defended now turning pink at my disapproval.   
“You’re too young to be curling your hair. Understood? Kil?” I waited for a response.   
“Fine yeah. Whatever mom.” he brushed off, going back to his food.  
“Hey, I’m serious. You can talk to me about it if you want, I can give you advice for when you’re older, or if you’re really insistent I can give you… uh… heat proof gloves.”  
He looked up at me for a second and burst back into hysteria.  
Gon looked massively confused. And rightfully so.   
“Tess, I’m not really sure you’re qualified to give out advice about hair curling just yet. It doesn’t seem like you’ve had enough practice. No offense.” he said with some concern.  
“None taken , Gon, no worries.” I dismissed. 

After that, the meal went by quickly despite Killua trying to sneak in a few remarks.   
We were walking back to the hotel and Gon had ran up front trying to befriend a pigeon or something.   
“I can’t even look at you, Tess. I mean, damn you beat Hisoka just to let him do that?” he said gesturing to my neck, mockingly.  
“You’re a little shit Kill.” I said before whacking the back of his head playfully.  
“Ow. Come on, I’m just messing with you!” he whined.  
“Can you please not tell Gon? Don’t ruin it for him.”  
“Yeah yeah, your gross secret is safe with me.” he said, now hands behind his head.   
We were walking back into the hotel when it hit the worst case scenario.   
“Oh Tess, how are you dear.” Hisoka greeted me.  
We hadn’t seen much of each other since trading numbers, we’ve both been busy.  
“I’m good thanks! Hey I’ll catch up with you later okay?” I tried brushing him off.   
“Oh Hisoka! It’s really nice of you to teach Tess how to curl her hair, but don’t try anything funny or there’ll be hell to pay.” Gon threatened, eyes ablaze.   
Killua was choking back laughter, and Hisoka’s face looked absolutely lost.   
“Curling-” Hisoka started before I interrupted trying to save the situation.  
“I was telling them how I got these burns on my neck. Gon said he saw you had a few too and I just told him you were teaching me how to use a curling iron.” I explained, shooting stern glances at the marks on his neck.  
“Oh. Yes of course.” he chuckled, obviously holding back. “Well. She’s a quick learner, the burnes are only from it being so hot. Care to give it another try tonight?” he snarked, trying to tease me.  
He had unknowingly just essentially said ‘We had really hot sex and now you have a dick appointment with me tonight” in front of Killua.   
“Oh my GOD, barf.” Killua mumbled, before laughing. “Gon let's go watch some fights.” he suggested, dragging the innocent boy away. 

“Tess were you discussing your sex life with a twelve year old?” Hisoka asked, raising an eyebrow and laughing.   
“Inadvertently and against my will, sure.”  
“So Killua put some pieces together did he. And Gon’s just clueless?”  
“Yeah.” I huffed.   
God that was stressful and embarrassing.   
“I’m headed to a meeting, I’ll be back around ten if you want company,” he offered.  
“A meeting?” I asked.  
He wasn’t in business attire unless his meeting was with the Ringling Brothers.  
“Yes, a meeting.” he dismissed with a smirk that really said ‘don’t push it’.  
“Fine then. Keep your secrets. I’ll let you know about tonight.”  
“Great.” he said, stepping closer to me.  
He’s not going to… he wouldn’t… Would he?  
He would. And did.   
He stepped right up flush with my body and took my face in both of his hands, tilting it up and planting a long and sweet kiss right on my mouth. In public. I had to rest my hands on his waist to keep my balance. I don’t think my face has ever been hotter. I mean I guess it’s not a secret and I don’t mind people knowing but it felt like we had an audience.   
My suspicion was proved right by some passerby whooping and whistling at us. He hadn’t let go of my face yet.   
“I’ll be eagerly awaiting your call.” he said before letting go and heading out the door.   
Okay, well… That was an interesting call on his part.   
I turned to head to the elevator, but froze in terror at the sight before me.   
Poor little Gon, on his way to return to the arena from the concession stand with his hands full of cotton candy and snacks. He was frozen with his mouth open, staring right back at me.   
“TESS YOU’RE…. AND HISOKA!?...”  
Oh boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to toot my own horn but I'm pretty sure I wrote Killua IMMACULATELY. Also my favorite line from this chapter is "Gon had ran up front trying to befriend a pigeon or something."


	15. On Keeping Good Company

I consoled the poor, near trembling, kid trying equally hard not to laugh or cry.  
“If you really want to talk about it we can go somewhere private, but we can’t be yelling about personal stuff right here okay” I said trying to sooth him, mostly to minimize the eyes on us.   
“I…” he huffed, “wait. Those aren’t burns are they, on your neck” He said, finally putting two and two together.   
I shook my head.  
“Oh EWW” he whined, his face twisting.  
“Gon please I’ll answer all your questions but not in the lobby okay?”  
Gon, now in a whisper, “did they hurt?” in a classic curious little boy voice.  
“Yes? Kinda. but it’s okay I’m not mad at him or anything. Come on let’s go sit” I tried dragging him by his arm.  
“You LET him hurt you?! You could kick his ass Tess why didn’t you?!”   
He’s not budging. I could feel eyes on us.  
“Fine. Let me spell it out for you Gon.” I said, squatting in front of him to be closer to eye level, my voice in a stern whisper. “Hisoka and I have consensual sex, as two fully grown adults. Because that’s something adults do. He didn’t hurt me, and I didn’t hurt him, because sex is about making eachother feel good. If you have strong feelings about me being involved with him that way you can come talk to me okay?”   
“Ohhh gross…” he said, not looking at me, his face almost angry looking.   
“Gon? Are we good?” my voice is soft.   
I wonder if he’s hurt, given their relationship.   
“Fine. Yeah. I was coming to give you this before I saw you smushing faces with that stupid clown.” he said as he shoved a bag of M&Ms into my chest.   
I couldn’t help but smile. What a sweet kid getting me my favorite candy just because.  
“Thank you Gon. Can we hug it out?” I asked, opening my arms.  
“No.” he chuffed with his cheeks all puffed up before turning and stomping away back to the arena.   
I sat back on my heels. He’ll come around. I bet by tomorrow he’ll act like nothing happened.  
The small crowd dissipated as I looked up. 

The sun was just starting to set, and I figured there was nothing interesting in my room so why not watch it.  
Outside of the back door of the arena was a big stone patio, with a bunch of benches and small tables. It was nearly empty, but you could see the sunset perfectly between some tall buildings from the vantage.  
I sat cross legged on one of the benches, and closed my eyes to empty my mind for a moment in the peace.  
“Mind if I join you” suddenly asked a man's voice from behind me.  
Where the hell did he come from? Why use Zetsu if you’re going to introduce yourself?  
I turned and saw his face was smiling politely. It was a very handsome man with a really sweet smile and kind eyes. I almost didn’t recognize him in casual clothes.  
“Kastro?”  
“Yes. And you’re Tess, right?” he replied as he walked around the bench and sat next to me.  
“Yeah. You have the fight with Hisoka tomorrow, right?” I asked.   
He seemed harmless enough. I doubt Hisoka will have a problem winning, not that I hope he kills him. He seems nice.  
“Yes I do. I actually came to talk to you about that.”   
“Oh?”   
“Well you’re the only person with a win against him, I thought I’d come to you and ask for your advice!” he elated, “Though I know you two have been enjoying each others company, so I don’t mean to put you on the spot.”  
That was a very polite way of saying it.   
“Do you have a question or just wanted to know if I had anything specific to share?”  
“I don’t have any questions, no. I figured if anyone knew the trick to defeating him it’d be you, even more so given the nature of your relationship.”  
Oh defeating him huh? Was he seriously going to try to kill Hisoka? The idea seemed so ridiculous I almost laughed in his face.  
“Right. Well I’m sure you understand my reservations, then. Though I’m not sure I could tell you anything useful even if I wanted to, our relationship doesn’t particularly lend itself to exposing information on how best to defeat one another.”  
“Of course. I must have underestimated his charm, seeing as it’s enough to warrant such loyalties and affections from a strong and attractive woman like yourself.”   
His flattery will get him nowhere. Maybe in another lifetime I would have found myself interested in him that way.  
“Here’s my advice for you Kastro. If there’s anything else that you’re underestimating about him, I’d reevaluate.” I warned.  
“That’s good advice, I appreciate it.” he said, resting his hand on my knee a little too long before standing, “I’m sorry for what I have to do tomorrow. You’re a nice girl, Tess, I hate to say that I almost feel like I’m doing you a favor.”  
Excuse me?! Killing Hisoka would be a favor to me. I didn’t catch my bloodlust in time and it engulfed Kastro for a second.  
“I really am sorry, Tess, I understand you’re angry, I wasn’t expecting anything less. If the time comes and you’d like some better company to keep, I'd love to take you to dinner.” He offered, ignoring my enraged expression.  
“If your plan comes to fruition, I’ll be your next opponent. Inside the arena or not.” I threatened, unable to contain the blood lust now.  
“And I would be honored to fight you. I’ll leave you be for now, please keep my offer in mind.”  
“Eat shit.” I spat through clenched teeth.  
His face only softened to one of pity before turning and walking back into the building.  
I calmed myself enough to turn back around.  
The sun had already set.

Back in my room, I distracted myself by continuing to imagine what I would want my room to look like if I decorated. I found myself sitting cross legged on my sofa looking out to my whole flat, and doodling little images of specific areas and how I’d decorate. To anyone else it probably looks like a bunch of scribbles, but it all fleshed out in my mind. God I wanted a cat so bad.   
You know what makes everyone feel better? Cookies. I didn’t have anything special, or a super well equipped kitchen, but I had enough to make some shortbread.   
I cut out little rounds and plopped them on a sheet pan, and threw them in the oven. I decided not to linger on Kastro.  
I watched some TV and lounged around in bed for a few hours, munching on cookies.   
God I can’t believe I really had Gon believing we were talking about hair curlers. Poor kid. Oh that reminds me though, I wanted to straighten my hair. It always felt so soft after I did.   
I stepped into the bathroom and turned the straightener on, and just sat and watched my face waiting for it to heat up.  
My skin was starting to clear up, the marks were much more faint now than they were originally.  
After I was done fiddling with my hair I changed into a tank top and my mangled sweatpants, and flopped on my bed.   
Not even a moment later my phone rang, and I shot up to answer it, and it was Hisoka.  
“Hey.”  
*Hello sweet girl. Meeting got out early, I’ll be back at the Arena in about twenty minutes. Do you need some space or can I come pester you* he teased  
“You don’t pester me at all. Oh! I made some cookies, I’ll try to fend myself off so they’ll still be here for you.”  
He chuckled over the line. Before he spoke I heard another voice in the background that sounded really familiar but I couldn’t place it. It made my skin crawl.  
*I’ll see you in twenty.*  
“Sounds good.”  
*click*  
I tidied up my room, somehow nervous about having company, despite that he’d been here before.  
Interrupting my puttering was a knock at my door. That didn’t really feel like twenty minutes though.   
I opened the door and looked up expecting Hisoka, but instead dropped my eyes down to Gon.  
“Hi I wanted to talk to you.” he blurted, looking nervous.  
“Uh, sure? What’s up?” I asked.  
“I’ve been thinking about this whole Hisoka thing and I just wanted to tell you that if it makes you happy then I’m happy for you okay?” He said in rapid fire.   
“How does it make you feel though? Are you okay?” he seemed upset still.   
“Yeah I’m fine I just hate talking about it because it’s awkward and gross and I don’t like thinking about it!” he whined.  
“Alright. If you’re sure.” I asked again.   
“I am. I’m sorry for not hugging you earlier, I feel really bad about it.” His eyes were down.   
“Are you only saying that to butter me up so I’ll share my cookies?” I teased, tousling his hair.   
“NO... But they do smell really good.” He looked at me with puppy eyes.   
“Okay, come in for a sec.” I said and led him to the kitchen.   
“Wow! Your room is so big!” he said wide eyed.   
“I forgot you haven’t been up here. Yeah it’s pretty cool huh.” I said, handing him a small stack of cookies in an even number.   
“Yeah.” he said, still ogling.  
“Alright. Share those with Killua okay?”  
“Yeah okay!” he said, gleaming again, and we turned for the door.  
“Alright Gon, I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
“See you tomorrowwww!” he said and threw his arms around me, before turning and pressing the button to go down.   
The elevator came up and the doors opened.  
You guessed it.


	16. On Over Confidence

“Oh, Gon, I wasn’t expecting to run into you way up here.” Hisoka greeted, as he stepped out and looked at me for help.  
I was frozen. Gon had just got his head together. And now he’s watching Hisoka step into my room.   
“IT’S FINE” Gon said after he was silent for a minute.   
“Are those some of my cookies? So you just give those to anyone hmm?” Hisoka teased and put his arm around my waist and pulled me in.  
I swung my hand over and smacked him in the stomach.  
“Really, it’s fine. It’s fine, Tess you’re an adult.” Gon was sputtering, more to himself than to me.  
“Gon I’m sorry I didn’t expect you to stop in tonight.”  
“No Tess it’s fine!” he said getting in the elevator.  
“Enjoy your cookies! Love you!” I squeezed in as the elevator doors closed.   
I turned to Hisoka who had been smirking and waving a Gon.   
“You are such an instigator do you know that?” I said, shoving him through the doorway.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. This should be my pity party. I came up here and you had another boy in your room. My heart's broken princess.” he poured, being dramatic.  
“Yeah, yeah. Oh, speaking of other men!” I said as I closed the door and turned back to him.  
His brow was raised.   
“No I’m not offering to try a threesome.” I joked, trying to get him to laugh.  
He chuckled for a second before gesturing for me to continue.  
“I talked to Kastro today.”   
“Oh did you? If that was on your to do list I’m glad you got it done today, it was your last chance after all.”  
“So you’re not worried.? About the fight?” I asked, letting my own worry leach in.  
“I’m not. Why should I be? I’ve beaten him before haven’t I?” his voice reassuring me.  
“Yeah two years ago. He seemed really confident.”  
“What did he say that has you worried? And also let's address the bloodlust in the room shall we?”  
I didn’t realize it had come back.  
“Sorry. He basically went on about how he felt bad for me because he was going to kill you. And he offered to take me to dinner ‘if the time came where I was looking for better company’.”  
“So he was flirting with you and that called for bloodlust.” Hisoka teased, raising an eyebrow.  
“You know that’s not my concern, His. My concern is that he’s so confident he’s going to kill you that he’s already swooping in to take your place.” My voice trailed off at the thought.   
“Look, kitten. I said I’m not worried, I mean it,” he came over and cupped my chin, “no need to stress yourself with the nightmare of having to sleep with him instead.” he joked before kissing my forehead and letting go to walk to the kitchen.  
“Fine...How was your meeting?” I asked, hoping to get some details.  
“It was fine, rather boring as usual, though my boss offered to meet you, he’d be interested in working with you.” He said, sitting at the counter.  
“Working with me? What kind of work?” I asked.   
I mean I was looking for something to do with my time.  
“I’ll let him discuss the nature of it with you. Are you available Saturday night?”  
“Uh, yeah sure.”  
“Great, I’ll give you details when I have them.” he dismissed, “These do look very appetizing.” he said, as he picked up a cookie and took a bite, “aren’t you just so domestic.”  
I scoffed.   
Weirdly I wasn’t sure what to do, now that he was here. It was strange not just throwing ourselves at one another like horny teens.   
“You look very appetizing as well.” he said, still eating a cookie but making bedroom eyes at me.   
“I’m going to have to fight off your advances all night aren’t I. It’s not a great week of the month to entertain you.” I admitted.  
“I was just offering a compliment, though a little blood has never deterred me.” he said as he picked up a few cookies and came to sit on the sofa with me.  
“Gross. Still interested in hanging out, knowing you’re not getting laid?” I asked, genuinely surprised.  
“Even if we’re not having sex tonight, you did made me cookies. It can be one or the other, or both. But never neither” he joked.  
“Hmm.. Oh, how’s your buttcheek, His? Still have the mark of the beast?” I teased and turned to him trying to dig my hands under him and grab his butt.  
He almost choked on his cookie laughing as he was trying to fight me off.  
“I hadn’t forgotten about that. I’m still plotting my revenge, don’t worry. Also if you’re that interested in playing with my butt I’ll buy you some lube, all you need to do is ask.” he said teasing me.   
“I’m not interested, thanks though,” I said with a laugh.  
“And what if it was your butt we were talking about?” he suggested, his head tilted down and his eyes looking up suggestively.  
“God you’re asking me about anal already? By my estimations I thought I had another week or so if you were anything like past partners.” I said, shoving him with my shoulder as I got up to grab the remote for the TV.  
“Oh, so you have done anal before. You surprise me every day.” he said, finishing his last cookie.  
“When the hell did I say that?” I scoffed, returning to sit next to him.  
“Am I wrong?”   
His face looked genuinely surprised.  
“Yes, you are. Shocking I know”   
I rolled my eyes at him and mindlessly flipped through the channels.  
His aura flickered for a moment after I said that. I turned my head towards him with disgust on my face.  
“What's with the sudden intensity?”  
“Oh, I was just thinking about being the first to get to play with you that way. You’re practically a virgin” he teased, pinching my leg lightheartedly, but his aura flared again.  
“You wish.” I dismissed.   
I couldn’t even think about that right now, my life had already had an influx in sexual deviencies.   
“We’ll see, princess.” he said with confidence.  
“OH” I said, spinning to face him, “Another thing!”  
His face looked surprised.  
“What was that stunt, kissing me in the lobby!? There were so many people watching.” I said with my voice trailing off.  
“Stunt is a strange word to use. You say that like it had any more meaning behind it than me just wanting to kiss you.”   
I leaned against the arm of the couch facing him, legs tucked up with my arms crossed.  
“It felt like exhibitionism” I grumbled.   
It really did. Being someone who people have eyes on, kissing someone who also has eyes on them was like being naked in class.  
“I’m not sure you know what that word means darling,” he said as he pulled my legs onto his lap, “if exhibitionism was my goal I would have ripped your pants off and made you scream and beg to cum, right there in the lobby. Exhibitionism is not a simple kiss.”  
I blushed at the image. Unsurprisingly I could totally imagine him doing that. Myself, not so much.  
“Fine I’m just saying I felt exposed.”  
“What was exposed? How weak you are for my lips” he sneered and reached to pinch my cheek before I slapped his hand away.   
“You don’t think it’s weird that people whistled and whooped and all that?”  
“They’re just enjoying the show dear. I get the feeling this has more to do with you wanting our relationship to be a secret.” he chided, his hand rubbing my legs.  
“Relationship is a strong word don't you think? I just don’t want to get caught with someone asking ‘oh what’s going on between you and Hisoka’ because what am I supposed to say? We’re fuck buddies? It’s weird.”  
“Fuck buddies seems like a strong slip to the opposite end of that spectrum. We’re not fucking right now but we’re still buddies, are we not?”  
“So I’ll tell them we’re buddies. Is that what you’re recommending?”  
“I’m recommending you ignore people's opinions of you, and ignore silly questions like ‘what’s going on between you and Hisoka’, because it doesn’t pertain to them.”   
I huffed.   
“Fine.”  
“So tomorrow we graduate to cunninglingus in public right?” he teased but looked at me dead serious.  
I stared back for as long as I could keep a straight face before lounging to tickle him.  
I didn’t make it very far before he had my arms crossed in front of me and my back pinned to his chest.  
“Fine. Let me go, I’ll leave you alone.” I called as a peace offering.  
“Are you ticklish?” he asked.  
“You’ll die.” I threatened.  
But he didn’t listen, and grabbed my sides which sent me squealing in terrible, painful laughter.  
“TRUCE TRUCE”   
He finally stopped tickling and instead wrapped my arms up trapped by his and sneered at me.  
“Don’t start wars you can’t finish.” he threatened before letting me go.  
I was still coming down from laughing, and suddenly wanted to be really close to him.  
I climbed over his lap, one leg on each side and sat on his thighs, my hands on his shoulders.  
“You okay princess?” he asked, sliding his hands up and down my thighs.  
“Mhm. Just wanted to be closer to you.”  
“I’m not stopping you.” he said before bringing his hands to my waist and pulling me to lean down against him.  
I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder.  
“It makes me feel better knowing you’d come over even if you knew we weren’t having sex.” I admitted. I was worried he had a one track mind.  
“Of course, you’re not a sex toy.” he aid with his hands rubbing my back.  
“I’m sure you intended that to be comforting, but you’ve literally called me a play thing before.”  
“Have you ever seen those TV shows where the men fall in love with their blow up sex dolls and marry them?”  
I leaned back slowly, my mouth open, and my brows furrowed.   
He was already holding back laughter.  
“Because! Let me finish. If I ever found a sex doll as pretty as you I might understand where those men are coming from.” He said with a snarky grin.  
“Hisoka.”  
“What! It’s a compliment. You should really model for a sex doll comany, your product would be very popular.” he continued.  
Trying to keep a straight face I grabbed him by the jaw, and not gently.  
“I am much more fun than a sex doll.” I spat at him, trying to be angry.  
He laughed and pulled my body tight to his.  
“Yes you are. Please don’t remind me of that if you’re not willing to let me act on it.” he whined before I clasped my lips to his and tightened my arms around his neck.  
He hummed against my lip before lifting me completely off and tossing me on the couch next to him.  
“I’m not going to be able to resist you if you’re going to behave like that,” he said, getting up.  
“Like what? I just wanted to kiss you.” I whined, feeling a little hurt at the rejection.  
He sat on the floor across the coffee table.  
“Like a nympho my dear. Somehow I’m being the responsible one and telling you no. I’m not sure how strongly I can stick to that.”  
I sighed. He’s right and I didn’t want to hear it.  
“I don’t like being told no..” I complained, emphasizing my pout.  
“And I don’t like telling you no princess. Furthermore I don’t like denying myself the pleasure of ravaging a beautiful girl. And yet here we are.”  
I crossed my arms and huffed, mostly just to be a brat.  
“Enough. I’ll bungee gum you to the wall until your arousal subsides. You don’t want that.” he threatened, “Want to learn a magic trick?”  
His face lit up for a moment with innocence in a way that almost broke my heart.

It took me almost an hour to even get that one little trick he uses to take out cards and put them away when he’s fighting.  
“God I really do not have an eye for these things.” I whined, now sitting on the floor across from him, a few glasses of wine deep.  
“Most people don’t, that’s why it’s magic silly girl.”  
He was a really patient teacher despite how slow I was learning.  
“Do a magic show.” I huffed and threw myself against the couch.   
“A magic show.” he stared at me planely.  
“Yeah, unless you’re just a poser” I teased, taking another sip of wine.   
“Fine then. I can show you a few more tricks.”  
He hummed that one circus song everyone knows.  
That was enough to get me giggling.  
He then held a card in his fingers, flicked his wrist around and it became a cookie.  
“Wait, when did you get another cookie?” I asked, looking at the kitchen.  
I was pretty sure there were none left.  
“What cookie dear” he asked, before flicking his hand around again and it was gone.  
“Maybe this is mystical to kids but frankly as an adult I’m uncomfortable…” I said half joking.   
“The only people who don’t like magic are control freaks.” he teased.  
“And you’re an out of control freak.” I rebutted.  
He just smiled and flicked cards into and out of existence. I watched in a daze, looking at the way his fingers moved, how soft and fluid his gestures were. Which was interrupted by a card that would have cut my ear off had I not caught it.  
“What was that for!? That’s no fair I was just watching you do magic and not paying attention.” I whined.  
“I just wanted to be sure you’re still awake.” he chuckled to himself.  
“Funny.”  
“You’re tired, and a little drunk aren’t you. I nearly got you.”  
I huffed.   
“Yeah. But mostly sad.”  
“Sad? Why? Because you’re an awful magician?” he taunted.  
I stood up and made my way towards him, nearly tripping. His hands were outstretched to me, probably thinking I’d fall. I held his shoulders and sat down straddling him like I had been on the couch a few hours ago.  
“Because I want you to do dirty things to me, His.” I whined, unashamed.  
He was still for a moment before laughing and wrapping his arms around me.  
“Are you always this lustful this time of the month?” He asked  
“Hmm… Actually yeah now that you mention it.”   
I hadn’t realized that. How weird and so very annoying.   
“Want me to tuck you into bed? I have to get going. I really should rest some before my fight tomorrow.”  
“Sure. Why do you have so many fights?” I asked.   
This is the third in a month.  
“I’m in high demand.” he said laughing as he stood up, still holding me.  
He pulled the blankets back and set me down on the bed  
“You’re much more tired than you’re letting on. Here,” he said while pulling my blankets up.  
“I’m not a child.” I sniveled.   
I really wished he’d stay the night. Sleeping alone felt awful after our night together. He was right though, I was exhausted.  
“Sure~” he agreed sarcastically, “Goodnight princess.” he said before planting one more lust filled kiss on my lips.  
I huffed in frustration.   
“Goodnight, His. Good luck in your fight tomorrow if I don’t see you beforehand!”  
“Thank you dear, but luck has never had anything to do with it. Sleep well.”  
And he was out the door.


	17. On What It Means to Bleed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Graphic violence, spoilers, and lots of talk of blood.

I almost felt sick to my stomach sitting in the stands as we all patiently waited for the fight to start. I think what’s most uncomfortable about it is not having any idea what to expect. The whole crowd was buzzing in excitement, like they couldn’t wait to see someone get ripped to shreds. Like that’s what they bought a ticket for. I guess it could be, only time will tell.   
Hisoka looked so small from way up here, like a toy figurine.   
Cocco introduced the fight and they were off.   
Seeing Kastro land the first hit was cause for concern enough, never mind the following two additional ones. I had only heard of Hisoka ever being hit significantly in Heaven’s Arena 4 times before this. Two were Kastro’s critical hit and knock down two years ago, another was a fluke, and the last was Gon. Yet he had just taken three hits and was still on the run.   
Kastro was threatening to take Hisoka’s arm off with some tiger bite fist technique, which didn’t seem likely.   
Until he did it. He severed Hisoka’s arm just below the elbow, and it flew into the air.  
My stomach dropped. He really was in danger wasn’t he? Had he underestimated Kasto’s strength? I warned him! I warned him. I can’t do anything else.   
By the end of the fight Hisoka had lost both of his arms, yet seemingly had reattached one of them mid-fight. I watched through gyo that was as powerful as I could muster, to be sure I was seeing everything. Despite nearly vomiting with anxiety earlier in the match, I could see Hisoka’s plan to finish the fight, and I could finally relax.   
Kastro was dead. Impaled by Hisoka’s 13 cards, he laid on the stage unmoving and Hisoka walked away.   
I should’ve trusted him when he said he wasn’t worried. But I doubt he was anticipating the damage he took.   
I took a few deep breaths and left the bleachers to see if Hisoka was in the infirmary.   
How did I know he wasn’t going to be? Is he just calling his lost arms a lost cause or what?  
I decided to go up to his floor and see if he had just gone back. For some reason I just felt like I really had to see him up close to know he wasn’t actually dead. The whole fight felt too unreal.   
The elevator came to a stop on his level and I knocked on his door.   
He has to be here right? Where else could he be. Maybe they took him to an actual hospital?  
The door clicked open interrupting my thought.  
“Oh hi darling, come in.” he said, and stepped aside holding the door for me, both arms were attached.  
“Machi and I were just discussing the fight. Machi you’ve met Tess, correct?”  
“Yeah I have, how are you, Tess?” Machi greeted politely.   
“I’m fine thanks, and you?”  
“I’m good. You should really keep tabs on your idiot boyfriend though, my nen stitches can’t do everything.” She said, shooting a glare at Hisoka.  
“Well they did enough for me to live another day. Thank you again Machi.”  
“No problem.” she said heading to the door, “Oh by the way. The Troupe meeting’s been changed, it’s now August 30th. And not just for the members with nothing better to do.”  
“Will the boss be there?” Hisoka asked, his aura fluttering.  
“Yeah probably. Just show up okay? It was nice seeing you, Tess.” She said finally walking out the door.  
“You too!... Troupe meeting huh? Like the girl scouts?” I taunted.  
“Yes, exactly like that.” He replied, not offering any further explanation.  
“Right. Well congratulations? Your arms are okay?”  
“Yes, they’ll be good as new in no time. Did you watch? Or could you not stomach it.” he teased, moving to the kitchen.   
“I watched, and you should be proud, I only nearly puked one time!”  
He laughed and poured us each a glass of wine.  
“It was hard to watch, His, I won't lie. I felt much better when I actually got a look at your nen. Even still it was gruesome.”   
I could still see the image of his arm flying into the air.   
“I’m glad you came to support me,” he said, handing me a glass, “your idiot boyfriend.” he quoted   
“You’re not my boyfriend, but you seriously are an idiot.”  
“Don’t be like that. The word you’re looking for is ‘entertaining’.” he said grinning like a child.   
“Well whatever it is, it’s a nuisance.”  
He finished his glass of wine in just two sips.   
“Regardless, I’m going to take a shower, I’ll only be a minute. I’d love for you to be here when I get out, preferably in my bed.” he said before tilting my chin up and kissing me.   
“Coming right up. Naked or clothed?”  
“Definitely naked.” He said mid taking his shirt off.  
“And do you want fries with that?” I joked, not being able to resist holding his now naked waist.  
He stretched down, laughing before he pecked me on the forehead and turned to head to the shower.   
“You’re sure you don’t want me to show you the wonders of period sex? The shower is the perfect setting.” He offered, not kidding.  
“I mean. That sounds so weird. I don’t know, are you serious?” I asked, a little interested.   
Not to mention seeing him alone with Matchi in his room struck a nerve I wasn’t really entitled to have.  
“Very.” He said before making his way back to me and picking me up to wrap around his waist.  
The water was nearly painfully hot, but I didn’t mind it washing over use as we fucked. He held me up with his arms under my knees, and my arms around his neck. The angle was so deep I could feel the soreness set in already.   
“And to think you almost went to be without letting me pleasure you.” he teased as I came down from an orgasm.  
All orgasms are not equal, and I knew that before tonight but this confirmed it. Something about the way my body felt right now was next level pleasurable.  
He lifted me and let me fall back down onto him, occasionally stretching forward to kiss me. Eventually he put me down and turned me around, bending me at the hips.   
“Hold the wall, sweetheart.”   
I did what I was told, and got something to brace myself on before he was back inside me. He was leaning over me, one hand on my hip and kissing my back.  
His pace was slower than normal, more intentional and methodical. He reached a hand around my hips and dipped his fingers to rub my clit.   
My knees buckled a little at the sensitivity, causing him to tighten his grip on my hips.   
“Mmm, you’re close again aren’t you dear, I love the way you tighten around me before you cum.~” he moaned over my back.  
I reached my peak again and my legs nearly gave out. When I opened my eyes there as a stream of blood running down my legs and down the drain.   
“Your blood turns me on darling, running down your legs like that~” he moaned as he just reached his climax, burying himself as deep as he could.  
I pressed my hips back against him as he came, swinging them.   
“Good girl… Now for the fun part.” he whispered in my ear.   
He pulled out and I felt his cum and more blood running down my thighs before I could see it all run down the drain.   
“That’s always so fun to watch.” he said before leaning down and kissing my back in a few places.  
I sat up straight and moved under the water to clean up, as I looked back at Hisoka.  
“Oh Jesus Christ.” I exclaimed before catching myself.   
His groin and legs were covered in blood, and his hand he had been using to tease my clit. He looked down and just chuckled.   
“Mmmm. I wish every week were this fun~” he cooed.   
“Yeah for you maybe. Come rinse off, it’s freaking me out.” I said moving out of the water.   
“If I must. You’ll have to let me eat you out next time, I can barely resist right now.”  
“Seriously you’re vile.” I laughed, “I’ll be outside” I said, getting out of the shower and finding a towel.   
He laughed behind me as I left the bathroom.   
He eventually came out and slipped into bed with me. His face was bare and his hair was wet and laying down naturally. He almost looked like a different person.   
“You look like a normal person all naked like this, I’m not sure I like it.” I teased, fingering his hair.  
“Looks can be deceiving,” he laughed, pulling me into his arms and chest.   
“I’m glad you’re not dead. Though Kastro seemed like he’d be a good cuddler.” I teased.  
“Enough about Kastro, dear. Frankly, half the reason I killed him was because he upset you.” he laughed before pushing a firm and aggressive kiss into my cheek and resting his head down.  
Sleeping with Hisoka felt like the norm. Like his arms were where I wanted to be at the end of a long day. I couldn’t help but feel sad that someday he’ll inevitably up and leave, probably forgetting my name.


	18. On Being His

The rest of the week passed with little news. I’d been anxiously anticipating meeting Hisoka’s ‘boss’, mostly because I can’t imagine the type of person it would take to subjugate him.  
My phone rang in my pocket, and it was Hisoka.  
“Hey”   
*Hey, I have the details for tonight, it looks like the boss will be visiting my flat at 7. We have some business to discuss before you come over so you should shoot for 8. Does that work for you?*  
“Yeah that’s fine. So your place at 8. Any advice for me?” I asked, pretty nervous to meet whoever this guy was.  
*I’m sure he’ll love you, don’t discredit yourself. I’ll leave the door propped open, let yourself in. I’ll see you then, kitten*  
“Okay. See you then.”  
*click*

I figured I’d clean up for this very formal and high stakes interview. Hisoka just wears his usual so I’d imagine it’s pretty casual.  
I showered and shaved, dried my hair and straightened it, moisturized and applied make up. I had some pit in my stomach about this, like the pressure to represent myself was through the roof. After staring at my closet I decided on some sexy but full coverage black leather pants, and a blush pink tank top made of a silky material that hung loosely off my body in contrast. Looking in the mirror I was pretty shocked that I’d managed to walk the line between sexy feminine, and business casual. I was pretty hot when I tried! The marks left on my skin were very faint, nearly gone, but even still I covered them lightly with makeup. The elevator ride up to Hisoka’s was only hardly a minute, so I had to be really patient to not show up early. I gave myself a second to step into my black heels, and grab my phone and wallet before heading to the elevator.  
I checked my teeth in the shiny metal walls just before the lift settled at Hisoka’s floor. He had left the door open, but I still knocked to be polite before entering. I took a few strides in before I could see anyone, but when I did, my heart nearly burst out of my chest.  
My vision flashed red before the room was engulfed in rage filled bloodlust, causing Hisoka to stand from his seat in surprise and defense.  
“Ahh. So my suspicions were right, when Hisoka mentioned you I wondered if it could be the very same, Tess.” Chrollo said, slowly standing from his seat.   
His movement, even though slight, was enough for me to warrant summoning my whips. My body was shaking, and I could feel tears welling in my eyes.   
Hisoka had taken a few steps forward to be nearly between us.  
“I didn’t realize you two knew each other. What a small world it is. Tess, I don’t think this is necessary, why don’t you come sit.” Hisoka said, trying to moderate.   
“It’s fine Hisoka, I’m not worried. I am amused at your choice of conjuration, I don’t suppose you chose whips for the intentional irony.” Chrollo said, never moving his eyes from mine.   
I couldn’t speak. I never meant to see him again. I never planned on ever having to face him again once I got out. Tears were streaming down my face, and my hands were shaking violently.  
“Hisoka told me about your abilities. If only I had known how powerful you’d become, maybe I would have opened your aura nodes sooner.” He said with his face lifting to a smile.   
“I’m not understanding the nature of your relationship. You were friends in the past?” Hisoka asked the both of us.   
“No.” I finally spat.   
“No, we were never really friends. She and I dated for several years.” he explained finally turning to Hisoka before turning back and looking me up and down, “You look great by the way, though seeing you blonde is a big change.”  
“Eat shit.” I growled.  
Hisoka was staring at me with concern in his eyes, not knowing how to help.  
“Come on now, why the hostility? Put your nen away and let's catch up.” he said gesturing to the couch.  
“Nothing has changed, Chrollo. When I said I’d rather die than spend another second with you I fucking meant it.” I barked, my aura growing wilder.  
“I didn’t intend to open any old wounds. Clearly there’s no need to further this meeting, I think it would be best if we stopped here.” Hisoka said lightheartedly.  
“I wasn’t lying when I said I’d be interested in adding her to the troupe, her skills could be quite valuable. I’m sure we can put our past behind us and work together, Tess, no?” Chrollo offered, now walking towards me.  
“I was your slave for years, Chrollo. I will never submit to you again.” I said with my voice lowering.   
He looked almost exactly the same, like time hadn’t touched him. His hair was the same smooth black, his eyes the same soft brown. Hearing his voice felt like being 17 again, falling in love and kissing in cars, drinking too much and skinny dipping. Giving parts of yourself to someone you love, trusting in them to protect you. I could feel my heart tearing itself to shreds.   
“Stop that. You were never anyone’s slave, Tess, I loved you, and you loved me too. You had your free will the entire three years we were together.” He said with his voice lowering with mine.  
He was only a few feet away now, standing with his hands in his pockets.  
The tears were free flowing now. My arms relaxed and I let my nen whips disappear, my blood lust fading slowly.  
“You do look beautiful Tess, you’ve changed so much since I last saw you. It’s almost a shame you’ve moved on. Though maybe Hisoka is good for you.”  
I couldn’t bear to hear that. I spent years fighting to earn his love and respect, killing myself trying to be beautiful for him. Hearing him say it after all this time was like being hit by a fucking car.  
“Stop, Chrollo, please.” I begged, now entirely sobbing.   
Hisoka had moved to be just behind Chrollo until now, he walked around him and stood at my side.  
“Chrollo I think perhaps it’s time you left, seeing as this obviously isn’t the meeting we all had anticipated.” Hisoka offered, but with a lilt of threat in his voice.  
“I understand,” he said, walking past me before stopping and putting his hand on my shoulder, “The offer still stands, you’re welcome to get in touch with me anytime.”  
His breath swept across my face like it had so many times before. It smelled like fucking in hot tubs. It smelled like leather whips and blood. It smelled like breakfast on Sunday morning. It smelled like screaming and crying.  
I couldn’t even look at him, I jerked away from his touch and moved to put my back against the wall, turning my face away to hide my sobs.  
“I’ll see you Hisoka. Best of luck with your relationship, truly.” Chrollo offered, his voice rancid with malice.  
“Luck has never had anything to do with it, Chrollo, fear not.” Hisoka spat in retort, with a fake smile.   
“Well. Take care.” Chrollo said, stepping out of the door.  
My body returned to its shaking, my face feeling hot like I was about to vomit.   
“Tess.” Hisoka started, turning to me.  
My eyes couldn’t meet his, they were glued to the floor. My knees gave and I slid to the floor, crumpling like a tossed rag.  
I could hear Hisoka talking for a while before he eventually squatted in front of me. I looked up and watched his lips move for a minute before he stopped. Next thing I knew he was picking me up under the arms, and leading me into the bathroom. He stood me in front of the mirror and started undressing me, in no hurry. Looking in the mirror I had no more tears on my cheeks, but my face was still puffy and red.   
I twisted and stepped as he finished undressing me, leaving me to look at my naked body in the mirror. I was beautiful now, I’d finally done it. This is what he wanted all along. Just when I had stopped concerning myself with his approval, I had found it.  
Hisoka was now behind me, naked as well. The room filled with the smell of strawberry, finally bringing me back to consciousness just as Hisoka picked me up bridal style and stepped into the tub, lowering us both into the water. I sat sideways on his lap, and let my arms wrap around his chest before laying my head on his shoulder, returning to light sobs.  
“Shhh…”, running his hand up and down my back, “I’m so sorry…”  
“Stop.” I finally squeaked.  
“I didn’t know. I never would have set this up.”  
“Hisoka, stop. Please.” I begged, burying my face in his neck.  
“Okay.”  
I tried to let the hot water steep some life back into me, focusing on Hisoka’s movements. His arm washing over my back, his breathing, occasionally he’d readjust how I was sitting on his lap.  
I stretched the extra two inches and kissed his neck, which threw off his steady breathing for a moment.  
“I’m feeling better.” I mumble into him.  
“Good. Care to talk about it?” He asked, meaning well but also probably just trying to sate his own curiosity.   
“No.” I mumbled again, stretching to kiss his neck more hungrily this time.  
“Oh, I see. Looking for a distraction, hmm?” He asked, pulling me in more tightly.  
I sat and thought for a second.  
“I want you to hurt me.” I whispered, almost embarrassed.  
“Hurt you? How do you mean that?”


	19. On Having Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapters confrontation but in Chrollo's perspective. Thank you to the commenter that recommended this! I love and appreciate y'alls feedback and comments so much you have no idea.

Chrollo’s perspective: 

“She should be here any moment~” Hisoka said with his usual snide smile.  
“I look forward to it. She sounds very impressive”  
“Yes, I agree. She does have a win against me, you know.” He almost bragged.  
It was strange seeing Hisoka vouch for anyone, never mind spare someone he thought was a worthy opponent. This woman must be very special. If she was who I thought she was, I might understand his interest.  
It wasn’t another minute before I could feel her aura. It was unmistakable, being my creation as it is. The door swung open and the room filled with her bloodlust, to which I am also no stranger. She only took a few strides in and had her eyes fixed on me.  
“Ahh. So my suspicions were right, when Hisoka mentioned you I wondered if it could be the very same, Tess.” I said as I stood from my seat.  
In a split second she had conjured two whips, coiled, one in each hand.  
What an interesting choice. I guess it makes sense to pick something you’re familiar with; though it’s strange to see them in her small hands.  
“I didn’t realize you two knew each other. What a small world it is. Tess, I don’t think this is necessary.” Hisoka said as he positioned himself between her and I.  
Did he really think I would hurt her? His defensiveness was uncharacteristic.  
“It’s fine Hisoka, I’m not worried. I am amused at your choice of conjuration, I don’t suppose you chose whips for the intentional irony.” I remarked.  
Her eyes were spilling with tears, her cheeks turning red. Perhaps it wasn’t an irony, perhaps it was a reclamation.  
“Hisoka told me about your abilities. If only I had known how powerful you’d become, maybe I would have opened your aura nodes sooner.” I prodded.  
She was hardly ready at 17, but she survived her awakening just fine. I couldn't help but smile at the memory of face as it happened.  
“I’m not understanding the nature of your relationship. You were friends in the past?” Hisoka asked, more to her than to me. It must be wishful thinking.  
“No.” She spoke.  
Her whole body was quivering, like a stray dog.  
“No, we were never really friends. She and I dated for several years.” I clarified, finally allowing myself to drop my gaze, “You look great by the way, though seeing you blonde is a big change.”  
She did look very good. Her body had filled out at the hips, her chest in perfect proportion. She had really grown into her womanhood. It suited her.  
“Eat shit.” She spat at me.  
Her audacity almost caught me off guard, but she was no longer afraid to speak to me that way. Hisoka must have picked up on my hesitation because his eyes focused on her. I can’t blame him.  
“Come on now, why the hostility? Put your nen away and let's catch up.” I offered, gesturing to the couch.  
“Nothing has changed, Chrollo. When I said I’d rather die than spend another second with you I fucking meant it.”  
Again with the word choice. I had seen her plenty upset in the past, but perhaps never this angry; even the day she left. Her aura reflected her raging emotions, but it was pretty easy to read her. She would still never attack me.  
“I didn’t intend to open any old wounds. Clearly there’s no need to further this meeting, I think it would be best if we stopped here.” Hisoka said lightheartedly, seemingly uncomfortable with the situation.  
He must actually care for her. That’s very interesting.  
“I wasn’t lying when I said I’d be interested in adding her to the troupe, her skills could be quite valuable. I’m sure we can put our past behind us and work together, Tess, no?” I asked as I took a few steps towards her.  
I knew the answer, I knew she’d never agree to work with me, but it was interesting to see her reaction.  
“I was your slave for years, Chrollo. I will never submit to you again.” her voice cracked.  
Slave was an interesting choice of words. She submitted to me willingly.  
“Stop that. You were never anyone’s slave, Tess, I loved you, and you loved me too. You had your free will the entire three years we were together.” I corrected, lowering my voice to ease her.  
All of which was true, depending on your definition of ‘free’ and ‘love’. It was true enough for her to relax her nen. Her whips faded and her shoulders slouched like she might just collapse into me again.  
“You do look beautiful Tess, you’ve changed so much since I last saw you. It’s almost a shame you’ve moved on. Though maybe Hisoka is good for you.”  
Both of their auras pulsed at my conclusion, but that only tells me that I’m right. It really is a shame, I could pull her back to me in her current emotional state rather easily.  
“Stop, Chrollo, please.” She begged.  
I know how much she’s wanted to hear that from me, that she was beautiful. She always has been, but it was too dangerous to feed her worth like that.  
Hisoka took the remaining few strides to stand at her side, slithering his arm around her waist.  
“Chrollo I think perhaps it’s time you left, seeing as this obviously isn’t the meeting we all had anticipated.” He suggested, but I knew he wasn’t really asking, his own bloodlust trickling through the air.  
“I understand,” I said, walking past Tess before stopping and putting my hand on her shoulder, “The offer still stands, you’re welcome to get in touch with me anytime.”  
I wanted her power most of all, but I would love to have her back at my heel. I doubt she’d ever agree to that, especially if I killed Hisoka to get her.  
“I’ll see you Hisoka. Best of luck with your relationship, truly.” I offered, letting him know I disapproved.  
“Luck has never had anything to do with it, Chrollo, fear not.” Hisoka spat in retort, with a fake smile.  
“Well. Take care.” I said as I stepped out the door.  
He won't stay interested in her long. She’ll come back to me someday; she always did.


	20. Chapter 20

I wrote the rest of this story and I'm honestly so so sad to wrap it up. It feels like saying goodbye to the hisoka and tess 😭 there's so much pressure to write a decent ending. I am not a creative person, and I'm not really even a writer. I'm so thankful for everyone's interactions and feedback 💜 I hope you guys enjoyed this story and I hope you enjoy how it ends!


	21. On Hurting Her

“Hurt you? How do you mean that?”  
I sat upright and looked him in the face.  
“You’re going to laugh at my timing for this request, but I want to try anal, and I want you to be rough with me.” I nearly whispered, breaking our eye contact.  
I wanted to give something to him that I had never given to Chrollo. And I wanted to be marked by him again.  
He kept a straight face for a moment before bursting with laughter.  
I sank back down into the tub.  
“Nevermind.” I dismissed, embarrassed.  
“No, no, princess,” he said, still chuckling, “I would absolutely love to. I’m only laughing at your timing is all. You came out of a trauma induced fugue state and the first thing you ask for is rough anal sex.” he finished before laughing again.   
“I have my logic okay? If you’re going to laugh at me I’m sure I can find someone else who would be honored to take your place.” I bit, getting out of the tub.   
“Tess, please, you know I’m teasing you.” he said, lazily following suit.   
“Hmm… I wonder if Chrollo is still around, I bet he’d love to be the first to fuck my ass” I teased, wrapping in a towel.  
A spike of bloodlust bled from him.  
“Very funny,” he said, wrapping himself in a towel, “Let me get you a few things to prepare you. Stay put.”

I walked back out into the main room, heading towards the bed, still only wrapped in a towel. Hisoka looked up from his cards he was playing with.   
I walked up to the edge of the bed and bravely dropped my towel to the floor, and kicked it aside. Looking up, his face was maybe the most surprised I had ever seen it.   
“You’re full of surprises today.” he noted, staring me up and down before moving to sit on the edge of the bed.   
He sat right in front of me, his knees on the outside of mine, before grabbing my waist with his hands.   
“I’m just tired of concerning myself with other people's opinions.” I stated plainly.  
“What good news.” he barely got out before leaning in and pressing a kiss just between my breasts.  
“We have a few things to go over before I throw you onto this bed and make you scream for me. You said you want me to hurt you, to be rough, right~?”  
“Yes.”  
“You’ll need to pick a safe word. Once we begin, I won’t take no for an answer.” his eyes now meeting mine, flaming with lust.  
“Okay… how's… rose?”  
“If you’ll remember that, that’s fine. Last thing, what are your hard boundaries, things you will absolutely not do.”  
I had to think about it in terms of what he might be interested in doing.   
“No blood. And I don’t really want to be degraded, I just want you to be rough with me. I don’t really know how to explain it.” I’ve never really got to think about how I wanted to be treated in bed when kinks were in play. I hadn’t had a choice before.  
“It’s called soft dominance. It’s basically what we’ve been doing up until now anyway, you submitting, me being firm with you, and then aftercare.”  
“Oh. Okay.”  
His hands were running up and down my sides and hips.   
“Do you have any questions before we start?” He asked looking up at me.  
“No. I think I just have to trust that you know how to do this.” I said, letting my hands cup his face.   
“Marvelous~. It might be a long process, I’m not going to rush it.”  
“Okay, good.” I said, now stretching down to kiss him.  
Without any further hesitation he grabbed me by the back of the thighs and pulled me on top of him, laying down on the bed. Our kiss heated up and his towel came undone from his hips. He rolled over and dove for my neck, sucking at my skin and biting me, moving down to my chest. Eventually his mouth found my breasts after much detour. His teeth only grazed my nipple at first, before grabbing it between his teeth and rolling it.  
My hands were all over him, his arms, his neck and face, his shoulders, his back. Whatever I could reach. I wanted to feel him.   
He didn’t waste time with overdrawn foreplay, as he reached his hand to play with my sex. He slipped one finger in to work me, and his thumb found my clit.  
“You’re already so wet for me dear, and I’ve hardly touched you yet.”  
I let myself giggle between breathy moans.  
“Get on your hands and knees.” he ordered  
I obliged without complaint, pushing my hips in the air and resting my face on the bed.   
“Good girl. Now keep your safe word in mind.” he said before landing a painful and loud slap to my right ass cheek.  
I let out a yelp but didn’t complain past that.   
He hovered by the nightstand for a moment before coming back to me. I felt him press a now lubricated finger against my tightly puckered hole, swirling it around and applying a small bit of pressure. It felt as amazing as it did when he used his tongue.   
Startling me, he placed his other hand between my legs, gently massaging my clit, before pressing his other finger firmly until it made its way inside.   
The sensation was foreign but not painful or bad. The strangeness of it made my toes curl.  
He wasted no time in pushing that finger further in, until it was at his knuckle.  
“Judging by your moaning I’ll guess it isn’t so bad yet?” He asked.  
“No it’s actually nice.” I admitted.   
“Good.” he said while working that finger in and out of me.   
After a moment he pulled out and started rubbing me with two fingers. I definitely felt the slight pain of taking something bigger when he pushed them in. Only now, he could twist his wrist around and scissor his fingers inside me. It only took a moment for the pain to turn to pleasure.   
“This is a decent step up, it’s a small toy to help stretch you.” He explained as I felt a smooth round shape pressing against my hole.   
It took a lot more pressure this time, for it to sink into me and when it did I yelped and pulled away instinctively. That earned me another very firm smack, now on the other cheek.   
“Use your safe word, or be a good girl and sit still.”  
“Yes sir.”  
The pain subsided pretty quickly, and he worked the dildo in and out slowly before I felt him line himself up with my dripping slit.  
I whined and mewled as he pushed his cock in to the hilt, and held it there.   
The feeling of fullness was unlike I had ever felt. He pumped the dildo at the same pace as he fucked me, nearly getting me to the edge. He continued that until I could totally relax at the feeling of it, smoothing his hands over my cheeks to soothe the stinging. After a few minutes of that fullness he pulled out his cock and also the dildo. The void was soon filled with three of his fingers in my ass, and two in my pussy. I yelped and flinched but managed not to move too much when he pressed his two sets of fingers together inside me, moving them in tandem.   
“That feels amazing…” I barely choked out between breaths.   
He immediately removed both hands at my words.   
“Too much of a good thing will spoil you~ . Let's get to the main event shall we?”  
Suddenly I was nervous. Was that enough to prepare me for his size?   
I could hear the squelching of him lubing himself up, before I felt him align.  
“Mind your safe word kitten. This is going to hurt you. Be good and sit still”  
“Yes sir.” I said with a weak voice.   
He started pressing in and it hurt before he even was inside. I tried just breathing through it and moaning it out but I felt myself pull away from him just a hair. It was followed by another seering slap to my flesh, and his fingers digging into my hips pulling me back towards him. Between him pulling me in, and pushing himself deeper I was in so much pain my moans morphed into groans and squeals of pain.   
“It hurts, His.” I pleaded, hoping he would slow down.   
“I know, I love watching you squirm in pain like this, kitten, it only makes my cock harder.” he taunted.   
Instinctively again I flinched away from him. This time he wasn’t so merciful. He grabbed my hips and pushed himself in to the hilt. The scream I let out was nearly blood curdling.   
“Either use your safe word or take it.” He said in my ear.  
At this point I was fighting against him and had tears running down my face. I was too proud to use my safe word. This is what I wanted.   
He followed my hips for a minute as I struggled to get some relief, but he decided to push me flat on my stomach and lay on top of me, pinning me between the bed and his hips so I couldn’t move. He grabbed my wrists and brought them behind my back and gave me a minute to come down.   
My hole was throbbing around his girth, still streaming tears down my face.   
“Now princess. I’m going to fuck your asshole as long as it pleases me. If you want me to make you cum you need to behave and take my cock without complaint, understood?”  
“Yes sir.” I choked out in a sob.   
He started rocking his hips back and forth while straddling my thighs, thrusting into and out of me, ignoring my screams of pain.   
“Your ass is so tight for me, tell me how good it feels taking my cock in your ass.” he said, grabbing a fist full of my hair and yanking my head back.  
I could barely breathe but I managed to choke out a response.   
“It feels so fucking good Hisoka, I love your cock in my virgin asshole” I responded through tears and moans.   
He released my hair, liking my response I guess. It wasn’t entirely a lie. The longer he fucked me, the less painful it got. Plus something about letting a stud like him claim my ass was so erotic. He bent down and alternated between kissing and savagely biting my back, while picking up speed and fucking me like it was any other day. Periodically he would squeeze more lube around his cock.   
“Are you going to behave yourself like a good little girl if I let you sit back up?” He asked, running his nails down my back.   
“Yes sir, I’ll be good” I begged. I wanted to be able to reach and touch my clit, I desperately wanted to cum.   
He pulled out completely, and let me sit back into having my hips in the air.   
“Oh my, look at your poor hole. I’ve certainly gotten you stretched out haven’t I.”  
I wasn’t sure what he meant before I felt him run his finger around the rim of my hole.   
“You have a cute little gape, princess.” he noted before using his hands to spread my cheeks and diving his tongue into me.   
I was finally moaning in pure pleasure, getting closer and closer to my climax.   
“No, I don’t think I’ll let you cum yet. Not until you can fuck yourself in the ass on my cock without complaint.”  
“Yes sir.” I whined, upset at the loss of his tongue in me.   
He lined himself up against me again and pushed the head in.   
“Now, push yourself back and pleasure yourself on me.” he ordered.   
I obliged, pushing my hips back at him until I was pressed firmly against him. It didn’t hurt anymore, I could throw my hips against him like I would any other day, and found the same amount of pleasure. I let myself move how it felt best, now mewling into the sheets and shivering.   
“See, now you’re being such a good girl for me. Do you want me to make you cum sweetheart? I can feel you're close.” He praised, bringing me even closer to orgasm.   
“Yes please.” I begged meekly.  
“Sit up for me, like you’ve done before.”   
I did as I was told, sitting up and resting my head against his shoulder. He reached an arm around to squeeze my chest, and the other dipped down to my wetness. I expected he was reaching for my clit, but instead he slid two fingers into me, and pulled towards my g spot.   
I was nearly back to screaming, pushing my hips back against him.   
“Beg for it.” he growled in my ear.   
“Please His, I want to cum so bad…. Your cock feels so good, I want to cum for you, please don’t stop.!” My voice, heavy with real desperation and lust.  
“That’s my good girl~. Cum for me now.” he cooed in my ear before I exploded around him.   
My legs were quivering like they never have before and I felt a rush of wetness as I gave into him completely.   
“Oh~ Tess I wasn’t expecting you to squirt for me, you’re going to make me cum.” he moaned in my ear just before erupting.  
His hips sputtered with his pleasure, his cock twitched inside of me as he filled me with his climax.   
I was still whimpering and twitching as he came down.   
He let himself press against me and lean us both down to bracing ourselves on our hands.   
We sat there catching our breaths for a minute before I could even speak.   
“My turn.” I bravely uttered.


	22. On Being Too Close

“You want to peg me, kitten? I’ll have to g-”  
“No. I want to be in charge.”   
“Oh? In charge, hmm? You’re so cute.” he mocked as he pulled out and stood up.  
“I’m serious, His, please? I don’t want to do anything crazy, I just want to have the final say is all. You can pick a safe word but I doubt you'll need it.” I begged as I turned to sit on the edge of the bed.  
“Well. Let me get a cloth to clean us up before we talk.” He dismissed before going to the bathroom to dampen a rag.   
He returned and motioned for me to turn around before he bent me over at the hips. I had gotten used to it by now; him wanting to be the one to clean me up after sex. I don’t mind it.   
“So you want to be in charge. What, do you want to cuff me? Blindfold me perhaps?” He asked in a snarky tone.   
“No, His, I just want you to do as I say.” I snipped.   
I don’t like that he’s doubting me or making fun of me.   
“Just pick a safe word and I’ll go until you say it. Just like what you did with me.”   
“A safe word? For me? Darling I’ve never said no to something in bed. I have no limits.” He teased as he crawled over me, positioning himself between my legs to hover just over my face.  
“Just pick one, clown.” I teased.   
“Fine. Rose works for me as well, but don’t expect to hear it.” he spoke against my lips.   
“Good boy.” I spoke back against his, mostly to get a rise out of him.   
It worked, he chuckled against me.   
We let the kiss progress naturally from innocence to something more needy. Everything seemed perfectly normal until he reached to touch my chest.  
“Don’t”   
“And why not?” he whined.   
“Because I said so, His. How’s this; you can touch me but only lightly, no man handling.” I mocked, returning to our kiss before pushing up at his shoulders and telling him to sit against the pillows at the top of the bed. The pillows and headboard allowed him to be sitting up enough for my liking but have an open enough hip angle for me to ride him.

Hisoka’s perspective:

She crawled over top of me and kissed my lips as our chests met.  
“Just let me do all the work okay? I just want to make love to you.” she whispered so casually as she lined me up to fill her.  
I had to swallow back my initial reaction.   
“I don’t make love, dear.”   
“Yeah whatever. Tonight you do. Sit still.”  
Fine. All I have to do is just sit here. I don’t even have to put my hands on her.   
She sat her hips down, and looked up at my eyes before moving again, her eyes were wildly bright blue and her face was adorned by a bitten smile.  
She went back and forth between bouncing and rocking her hips. Her breasts bounced as she did, her nipples puffy from how hard I had been pinching them earlier.  
Her weight felt so good in my lap, and pressed against my chest.   
I let my hand move to her waist, but focused greatly on not squeezing at all. Just following her rise and fall, letting my head lay back on the headboard.  
Her mouth found my neck and she planted soft kisses between moans, until she whispered in my ear, slowing her pace.  
“This is a form of letting go too, His.”   
What? This is the opposite of letting go.   
Her face was in front of mine again, and she had all but stopped moving.   
“Your face tells me you’re unconvinced. That’s only because you can’t let go.” she said as she scanned my face and ran her thumb across my lips.   
“Let go of your power for just a minute. Let go of needing to be in control. I know I joked the other day and called you an out of control freak but you’re incredibly bound in bed.”  
“Oh bound, am I? I love bondage.” I smiled, trying to deflect the conversation.  
“Because it’s not intimate. You want the control to avoid intimacy. Just for ten minutes, His, let yourself go with me. Okay?”  
“I’m not sure I’m following you fully but I’ll try my best.” I lied, completely understanding (and terrified of) what she was asking of me.  
“Mmm,” she hummed, smiling, “Wrap your arms around me like a hug, only don’t squeeze me.”   
“This seems like the absolute opposite of letting go, kitten.” I teased, but did what she told me.  
“Good... Don’t be so literal” she laughed, but it didn’t last long until she pressed her lips to mine again.  
She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, and pressed her whole body flush with mine. She was moving but there was no rhyme or reason, she moved like a ship in a storm, tossing her hips around. It was like sex in a world with no rules. I jerked my hips of to meet hers and she broke our kiss for half a second just to bark,   
“Don’t move.”  
And she returned to her dance. The weight of her laying on me, pressed against me, wrapped around me. It felt as if she was everywhere.   
She broke the kiss again and propped her forehead on mine, breathing heavily. Her eyes were on mine as she moved. Eventually one of her arms unwrapped from my neck and her hand pressed against my chest. She was getting close. It was difficult not to reach down for her clit to push her over the top.   
I watched her hair flounce around her, occasionally falling into her face. Her hand clenched against my chest and she rolled her head back, leaning away from me slightly. She snapped her gaze back to mine and I felt her climax. Something felt different, with her face being as close to mine as it was. The details of her pleasure had nowhere to hide, I could feel and see every inch of her.  
In her frenzy of orgasm, she somehow had brought me close to my peak as well, despite the subtlety of her movement. Coming down from her high she rested her forehead against mine for a moment before she decided to break me with just four words.   
“Cum for me Hisoka.”   
And like a dog told to sit, I obeyed without thought.  
She smashed her lips against mine again as I finished, catching all of my moans and purrs.  
I felt like my chest was caving in. My mind was silent somehow, for just a moment.  
She moved with me through my climax, and when I was finished she lightened her kiss. We quietly breathed each other in for I don’t know how long.  
“Your arms are shaking.” she whispered against my lips.   
She was right. My arms were resting on her back but shaking nonetheless.  
“Can I actually hold you now instead of this lunacy” I mocked.  
“Yeah” she giggled and wrapped her arms around my neck again.   
I buried my face in her neck and panted against her.  
“Gee, doing nothing really takes a lot out of you doesn’t it.” She purred into my hair.  
“I get it, I struggle with not being in control, no need for the sarcasm.”  
“It’s the intimacy of it that’s freaking you out. If I had just chained you up and brought out the whips and floggers you wouldn’t be having this reaction, despite the same lack of control. Anyway…” She trailed off.   
I didn’t want to think about the implications of her being correct.   
Physically I felt incredible, like I had after taking my frustration out on her after my fight with Gon. Only this time, the pleasure has left me uncomfortable.   
“Okay sweetheart. I’ll be right back, don't move” and she got off of me and walked to the bathroom.   
I’m not sure she’d ever used a pet name for me. ‘Sweetheart’ seemed like a strange place to start.  
She was back in only a minute, approaching me with a washcloth.   
“Don’t even think about it.” My mouth snapped before my brain could process.  
“His, don’t put the pole back up your butt just yet.” she teased and reached to clean me off with the washcloth.  
I grabbed her by the wrist and held it there, though I'm not sure why. Her face looked unamused, like she was expecting this reaction out of me. How was she less surprised than I was?  
“You said to tell you if you were ever hurting me, right?” she said plainly.  
I froze and watched her face, it was sickeningly sympathetic. Eventually I relaxed my grip and let her go.   
“Do you want to use your safe word or can I try that again?” she asked sincerely.  
I just nodded my head.   
Watching her carefully wipe her wetness and my cum off of my cock and groin was excruciating. I found myself cracking my knuckles and balling my fists up just to keep from grabbing her again.  
It only took a couple of seconds, and she tossed the rag to the floor.  
“I don’t have to stay the night, I don’t mind. But I’m emotionally exhausted still and honestly, most exhausting of all, was therapizing you.” she huffed, getting into bed next to me.   
Therapize was a good word for her emotional torment.  
“Stay. I’m going to clean up and get a drink first though, I’ll be right back.”  
“Mhm” she hummed, propped on a pillow watching me.   
When I got to the bathroom I almost vomited.


	23. On Being The One To Hurt

I feel awful just thinking about how he could have cultivated such an attitude about sex like that. Doesn’t know how to make love. What could be more gut wrenching than that.  
I’m glad he could relax enough to find his climax among all of his panic. I’ve never seen his aura have even a fleck of anxiety, never mind be doused in it.  
He walked back in and into the kitchen, interrupting my thoughts. He poured two glasses of water and walked back over to hand me one.  
“How’s your rear, princess.” He asked, “I almost feel bad for how rough I was with it. Almost” his smile a Cheshire grin.  
“It’s not so bad I guess. I’ve been more sore.”  
“Oh, it’s been worse? I’d love to hear that story.” he said, getting into the other side of the bed.  
“Sorry, you have to upgrade to boyfriend status to unlock things like ‘My Most Interesting Sexual Exertions’, and ‘“My Tragic Backstory’.” I joked, not wanting to talk about it.  
Only he didn’t laugh. He just moved to lay next to me with his arm under my head.  
I hiked my top leg up over his, and laid my arm over his chest and held his shoulder. My face was resting on his arm like a pillow.  
“Goodnight, His.”  
“Goodnight, Tess.”  
I fell asleep with his fingers carefully raking through my hair.

Hisoka’s perspective:  
I slid out from beneath her sleeping body, careful not to wake her. I knew there would come a time where I had to do this, thought I hadn’t anticipated it’d be so soon. I can’t stand to watch her sleep anymore, or smile, or laugh. I can’t hardly bear to look at her at all.  
“You should really keep tabs on your idiot boyfriend”  
“Maybe Hisoka will be good for you”  
“You have to upgrade to boyfriend status-”  
Their words rang on repeat in my mind as I watched her sleeping figure. She was exquisitely beautiful, and made me feel all too comfortable. It seems the reasons that I need to leave are the very same as those that had compelled me to stay for so long..  
“What a pit-” But I couldn’t finish my whispered last words.  
Something felt wrong, like I was being choked, only it was my own body betraying me. Watching her sleeping face only made it worse and I had only two options to quell it. I could crawl back into bed with her, or I could leave to avoid this feeling in the future as well.  
As quietly as possible, I gathered a handful of my things. She hadn’t awoken. I’m not sure what part of me wished she would.  
I’ve never starred so intently, as to commit an image to memory, as I did now. The embodiment of the peace that combats my chaos; this sleeping girl with whom I’d foolishly let a relationship fester. I can only assume these feelings are labeled as ‘guilt’ and perhaps even ‘grief’. Approaching her may have been the most reckless thing I've ever done.

The elevator’s doors closed quietly behind me. The shiny metal interior left me faced with my own reflection, forcing me to acknowledge the foreign wetness in my eyes.


	24. Authors Notes

THERE IS AN OPTIONAL CHAPTER AFTER THIS ONE IF YOU WANT A HAPPY ENDING. if you'd rather hisoka stay more in character, don't read it ;)

God the pressure to write the end of this silly story was nearly insurmountable.  
I did it anyway! It's not as good as it was in my head, but I hope you guys get the jist of what I was going for.

I've never written anything like this before! I'm usually writing research papers and essay type papers, never anything creative. I know the format and grammar of my story was god awful, but frankly I think it's at least readable. I am so appreciative of everyone's support and interactions! I don't know if I'll ever write anything this long again. I jumped into this as a self indulgent scribble, and never planned to have it actually flesh into any sort of story but here we are.

If you have any interest in my other works, I have shorter stories with Markiplier and Billy (Stranger things) so far, but I also have a story with Jim Hopper (Also stranger things) and Ban (Seven Deadly Sins) who I think you guys would love if you like Hisoka so much.

Thanks again for your support I don't know how to repay you all! :*


	25. Faithless You and Selfish Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LISTEN UP
> 
> I know it's been a hot minute since I updated this story, and I know I said to a lot of you that I'd write an alternate ending. 
> 
> Well here it is. It's short, it's a lil messy, it is what it is. I might still decide to write an ALTERNATE alternate ending in the future with much more plot, but for now I think I've been holding onto this little chapter for much too long. I feel like I owe you guys the ending we deserve. I hope it mends your broken hearts <3
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read this whole disaster of a fanfic. I've learned a lot about writing since doing this piece, and frankly it's had to look back on. It still makes my heart soar that so many people liked this story, though, so it's a really special piece to me. 
> 
> I probably won't write more HXH unless I get on another binge of it. For now I'm mostly writing My Hero Academia, so if you're into that or just into my writing style go check those out. 
> 
> This concludes Repulsive Beauty for now. Farewell <3

“I’m so glad you decided to go out with me tonight: seeing you excited is a nice change!”  
“Yeah, it feels nice.”   
It’s been nearly a year since Hisoka left. I’m not about to say that I’m completely over it, or that I never think of him, but I am feeling better. In the throws of my grief I had made the decision to call my best friend from back home. She was happy to hear from me, and practically begged to move out here with me. It all worked out, since I needed to find an apartment anyway after leaving Heavan’s Arena. I had half a mind to compete in The Battle Olimpia but after he left, I couldn’t bear to look at the place any longer.   
“You look fucking HOT, Tess. You’re bringing someone home tonight, I demand it.” Cara stated as she fidgeted with her hair.   
“Yeah maybe. I don’t know, my vibrator and I have been getting pretty serious.” I joked.  
Part of me wanted to fuck someone else just to get the taste of Hisoka out of my mouth, and part of me wanted to savor it.   
We took a final look at ourselves in the body length mirror. I pulled down at the short hem of my emerald green dress, and Cara pulled up at her black one to show as much skin as possible. We headed out the door and started for a club not far from the apartment. 

The air in there was stuffy and stagnant, something about it almost made me feel uneasy. Everybody's bodies moved recklessly, sometimes against one another, sometimes alone. It’s hard to pick out who in here is even single. I guess guys had an easier time telling, because it wasn’t long before several guys were competing for Cara’s attention. She had that effect on men, and frankly I don’t envy her for it. I didn’t dance awkwardly alone for very long before a cute enough guy approached me wordlessly, assuming the position as we continued our dance. After a few drinks, Cara and I gave each other the look that said “I need to sit down.”, so we both dragged our partners to the clubs lounge.   
I don’t know if it’s the alcohol, or the crowd or what but my anxiety had been mounting since we walked into the club. Upon entering the lounge and scanning the room, my worst fear had come to life.   
There he was, casually sitting with a girl sprawled on his lap, nursing a drink. He looked the same, but I guess so did I. I was frozen, watching his long fingers lick at the other girl’s legs. The images and sensation of our relationship crowded my mind, drenching my every thought in sweet reminiscence. But that quickly soured into the searing pain of losing him, and now seeing him with someone else. His face lifted to mine nearly the second that I noticed him. As dark as it was in here, I could see his eyes were still that scalding yellow; like a deers in headlights just before you hit it.  
He started to dump the girl off of his lap but before I knew it I was being dragged away. I didn’t realize I had been holding my breath until the crisp evening air bit me.   
“That’s him isn’t it”   
Yeah that’s him. He’s unmistakable. Beyond the technology of recreation.   
“Tess. Should we get out of here?”   
“That’s him. I don’t know what to do.” I barely squeak.   
“Well let's not sit here and find out. Sorry boys, we’re going to head home tonight. Maybe we’ll see you another time” Cara dismisses as she turns us both to walk home.   
We only made it a few steps before a shadowy figure stepped out of an alley in front of us.   
“You didn’t want to say ‘hi’?” He pouted, leaning against the building.   
Cara’s grip on my arm tightened as she halted us.  
“No, she didn’t! Fuck off dude, haven’t you done enough?” Cara barked, putting herself between us.   
“I just want to talk for a moment, Tess.”   
My name sounded like honey off of his tongue; his lips wrapping too tightly around it.   
I can’t tear my eyes off of him, leaning around Cara just to see more. I feel like I always did, like I was going to give myself to him even though I knew it would hurt me in the end. I can’t be strong enough to tell him no.   
“Over my dead-” Cara said with her voice raising into yelling.   
“Okay.”   
She turned to me with her eyes squinted.  
“You’re not serious. Tess do you remember what he fucking did? Why listen to a word out of his mouth?” Cara said, now turning to yell at me.   
“Just. You should go back and catch up with that guy, enjoy your night.”   
“And what? Leave you with him?!” She asked with her eyes somewhere between anger and pity.   
“Yeah. Please, Cara. Maybe I’ll just get some closure, you know? I’ll just head home after.”   
“You really are a fucking moron, Tess. I love you but jesus fucking christ.” She said as she turned back to him. “I will kill you myself, do you understand me? You touch a fucking HAIR on her body, make her cry ONE more time and it will be the end of your miserable and pitiful life.”   
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” he pleaded, never tearing his soft eyes from mine.  
“Fine. Tess, I’m gonna go home with that guy because you stress me the fuck out. I’ll be checking my phone, okay?” Cara said, voice now lowering into concern.   
“Okay. Enjoy yourself, I’ll text you if I need you.”  
“Okay.” She said before shooting a cold glare at Hisoka and walking back towards the bar.   
We sat in silence as she left earshot.  
“Hey.” he nearly whispered.   
I don’t know why I agreed to talk. I don’t think I have anything to say. Maybe I do, but I can’t bring my lips to form the words.   
“I know. I understand if you hate me. I just want you to know that I’m sorry for hurting you.”  
“Sorry?” I whimper, eyes starting to sting.   
“Yes, I’m sorry.”   
“Do you have any idea, Hisoka, how fucking badly you hurt me?” I asked, leaking my anger into my tone.   
He was quiet a moment too long.   
“No, of fucking course you don’t. You couldn’t POSSIBLY understand how much pain you put me through! Cuz you know what? And I wish I had realized this sooner, you have no fucking heart!” I barked as I shoved at his chest.   
He only stumbled back an inch, but left his lips closed.   
“Exactly, you have no fucking heart you can’t possibly imagine what pain even is, what it even means to be hurt. You’re just a heartless monster and I was an idiot to let myself fall in love with you!”   
My voice was cracking around my sudden confession, and my shoving his chest wasn’t even phasing him. I couldn’t stop the tears from streaking my cheeks.   
“I should have just let you fucking kill me in our stupid match.”   
“Please don’t say that.” He finally spoke.   
“And why the hell not? What difference would it have made for you? Absolutely none! You still would have ended up here, drinking, hooking up with girls without a care in the world! The only difference is that I wouldn’t have had to fucking suffer!” I screamed as I gave his chest one last shove before succumbing to my heaving sobs, accepting my role as the crazy girl.  
And suddenly I was smothered. My face was pressed against his chest and his arms wrapped carefully around my shoulders.   
“I’m so sorry, Tess. You deserved better than that, it was cruel.”  
But my cries wouldn’t stop. And like I always did, I gave in to him.   
I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed as if I was strong enough to hold him to me forever.   
“It hurts so bad, His.” I moaned into his chest.  
He dragged his hands up and down my back, pausing on my bare skin to fend off the cold air. He pressed his cheek onto the top of my head before speaking again.   
“I won’t claim to know how you felt. But I need you to know that I wasn’t smiling as I left. It was very difficult to leave you, and it was a mistake. I know that can’t compare to what I put you through.”  
We both sat, processing the situation for a few minutes.   
His hands continued to roam the silky fabric of my dress before washing over my cold skin again. He felt hot, his skin leaving warm trails behind that quickly froze again. When I finally caught my breath I was drowned in the sickly sweet strawberry scent on his skin, seeping through his shirt.   
“Why did you leave me.” I cried into his chest.   
He was quiet for a minute before replying.   
“Because you were right; when you said I fear intimacy. I wanted to escape before it could hurt me, but I was too late.” he paused, “I left because I thought I was an idiot to let myself fall in love with you, too. But I didn’t save either of us any suffering.”   
My breath caught in my throat. I pulled my head off his chest and looked up at his face.   
“You were in love with me?” I croaked.   
His eyes looked wet. Seeing him even remotely emotional was almost unsettling.   
“I suppose if I was no longer in love with you it wouldn’t hurt anymore; but it does. I planned on staying away so you could heal, I didn’t want to reappear in your life after what I did to you.”   
His face was studying mine and mine was studying his. Suddenly it felt like we were playing emotional poker and neither wanted to show their full hand.   
“So what do we do?” I whispered, mostly to myself.   
“What do you want to do?” He asked, using his thumbs to clear away the tears left on my cheeks.   
“How can I possibly trust you with anything now, His. Who cares what I want, I have no say here.”   
“I want you.”   
“For how long this time? A few more months?” I snip.  
“I can’t be sure. I can promise though, that next time I leave it’ll be because you’re sick of having me around.”  
I let myself choke out a sarcastic chuckle.   
“I can’t, with a sound mind, believe a word out of your mouth.”  
“Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything different. All I can do is ask if you’ll give me the chance to show you.”   
His eyes looked genuine, as much as they could I guess. I knew I wouldn’t be able to send him away to never see him again. I’m no stronger now than I was then.   
“Fine. You are on THIN fucking ice, you hear me?” I barked as I tore myself away from him and turned to start walking home.   
“Crystal clear, my sweet girl.” I heard from behind me.   
The pet name hurt more than it should have.  
He took a few long strides to catch up with me before resting his hand on my lower back as we walked. 

“What a nice place, I see you bothered to decorate, blue cabinets and all.” He teased as I kicked off my shoes.  
“Yeah, I figure I’ll be here a while so I wanted to make it cozy.”   
“Warm and colorful and full of life.” he said right as my cat approached him to weave through his legs.   
I don’t know if I’m in the emotional state to appreciate that he remembered how I wanted my flat to feel.   
“That’s Lilly, she doesn’t love strangers so watch your fingers.” I warned.   
But before I could finish my sentence he had picked her up, and was using his long nails to run down her back.   
“Well then. The stranger the better I guess. Can I get you a drink or anything?’” I offer awkwardly.   
It feels almost sacrilegious to see him in this space, which I had moved into explicitly to escape the thought of him.   
“I’m alright. Just know that I won’t take offence if you want me to leave you be for the time being.” He offered.   
“As if I’d let you out of my sight again. Nice try.” I jest as I turn on my heels to head towards my room. “That being said, you don’t have to stay or anything, I know things are weird right now so if you want to take it slow or something that’s okay.”   
“I’m content with whatever rate you’re willing to take me back.” he reassured.   
I guess that is what this is, me taking him back. How quickly did I want to do that? I guess it doesn’t matter, does it. If he leaves tomorrow I mind as well make the most of tonight.   
“Well then, light speed it is I guess.” I chuckled, leading us into my room.   
I had curated this space to be a haven, because that’s what I needed. The rug over the hardwood was fluffy and soft, my bed filled with assorted pillows. Every corner and empty space was filled with a plant or a piece of art.   
“This is how I always imagined you’d decorate. It suits you perfectly.” He said as he scanned the room.   
His hand found my lower back again, now smoothing over the curve there.   
“And this dress is stunning on you, by the way.”   
I turned and gave in to my heart, raising my hands to his shoulders and stepping close to him. The skin of his neck was so impossibly soft, perfectly smooth, and pristine white. I took in the sight of him once again, allowing myself to bask in his touch and smell and heat. His hands landed on my waist adding barely any pressure. I had spent so many nights wracking my brain for the smallest details of him, trying to flesh out our entire relationship in my memory so I could savor it. I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance again, I had to live our story over and over so I wouldn’t lose it. But now the details are staring me in the face. The point of his nose, the color of his skin, the heat of his touch. No amount of daydreaming could suffice for having his flesh and blood.  
“Kiss me, Hisoka.” I nearly begged.  
Thank god he dove his lips to mine.   
The relief and ecstasy was unimaginable, satiating how starved I was for him. Neither of us held back, our tongues played and danced, the kiss so desperate that our teeth clashed together.   
I tightened my arms grip around his neck and lifted one leg up to his hip before jumping to add the other, knowing he would catch me.   
Our fingers were snarled into each other’s hair, both of us frantically securing our connection.   
I was the one to break the kiss once we were both out of breath by sinking to suck on his neck. He caught his breath as he used one hand to unzip the back of my dress before using both hands to slide the thin straps down my arms. I assisted and let the dress fall to my hips. After another moment of lapping at his skin to savor the taste of him, I got down off of him and started removing the rest of my clothes.  
“You just going to watch or are you going to get naked?” I asked as I flung my last garment to the floor.   
“I’ll never tire of seeing you naked.” he explained, his eyes narrow and studying my naked body.   
“Oh for the love of god.” I huffed, stepping closer to him to lift his shirt over his head, followed by pulling down at his pants.   
He chuckled at my desperation but stepped out of his clothes, leaving us both totally nude. My arms flung around him and I pressed my face to his bare chest. I had felt so alone that his looming figure almost felt crushing.   
“I’ve missed you.” he whispered into my hair.   
Without any more warning than that, he lifted me up to wrap my legs around him again. Our lips met like violently charged magnets, only finding peace when they finally touched. He took a few steps forward until he was up against my bed, before kneeling on it and bending to lay me down. He braced himself on either side of my ribcage before his face fell to lay careful kisses on my cheek and neck. He didn’t suck or bite at me, he just gingerly pressed his lips to the skin leading down my chest. His mouth found my nipples and he continued on his placid tour of my body.   
His lips felt like flames brushing over me. His fingers and hands dragged down my body to hike my thighs over his shoulders, his mouth pressing into the flesh of my inner thigh. I let my fingers piece through his hair, combing it back with one hand, the other finding his on my hip.   
I’ve spent countless nights, desperately trying to recreate the feeling of his tongue between my legs. I could never emulate the vibrations of his moans, or the heat of his breath pouring over me, or his hair tickling my thighs, or his fingers grip on my hips. I could never recreate the completeness of having him here with me; the fullness of the pleasure at his hand.   
It had been so long since I was touched like this that my pleasure rose to a peak without much coaxing. Sensing that I was on the edge, he slid two fingers inside to press at my g-spot, which was all I needed. It wasn’t until I had all but come down that I realized I had been crying his name.   
Satisfied with his work, he set to laying sloppy kisses up my side and neck, meeting my lips again for another feverish kiss. Somehow it felt like we were teenagers, our tongues and teeth playing games. My hands cupped his cheeks, holding his face to mine for fear that he might pull away. His arms settled on either side of my head, his hips landing between mine. Both of our bodies were begging for more, desperate to get to the final act, yet somehow neither of us were in a rush. We occasionally took breaks to kiss each other's necks, or to rest our foreheads together to catch our breath.   
“Are you sure you want to have sex with me again so soon? Like I said, I understand if you’d like to wait.” He spoke after breaking our heated kiss.   
“I figure if I wake up tomorrow and you’re gone, at least I’ll have had you one more time.” I joke, but he didn’t crack a smile.   
“I’ll still be here, kitten.” he said sullenly, watching my eyes.   
“I’m just saying that I’m sure I want to fuck you, His, don’t get sappy about it” I mocked, stretching my arms down his back to drag my nails up.   
He smiled at my attitude before giving in to a small shiver at my nails. He rested his eyes closed for a second like he was deep in thought before speaking again.   
“I love you, Tess.” he affirmed, eyes still closed.   
I know he had said it earlier, that he thought he was in love with me. But at the time, and maybe even now, it seemed too good to be true. At the very least, it seemed too out of character to be true.   
“I love you, too.” I openly professed.   
I stretched back up to kiss his lips, knowing he was probably uncomfortable talking like that. Now that we had both confirmed that we wanted to have sex, I felt perfectly comfortable to reach my hand down to his groin, wrapping my fingers around him. Even the few languid strokes were enough to elicit something between a moan and a sigh from his throat. With our lips still connected, I guided him to align with myself.   
Our kiss broke for a moment as he pushed his hips into mine, both of us breathless at the pressure. It felt right to be so surrounded by him, and so full of him. His body was barely suspended above mine, close enough that my hands could explore every inch of his chest and shoulders.   
We’d had sex plenty of times before now, but it almost felt like I was with a different person. His pace was so slow and methodical, his strokes deeper than they were fast. Instead of sinking his teeth into whatever he could reach, he pressed his cheek against mine to let his moans roll off his tongue and over my ear. It felt like slow dancing together in an empty ballroom.   
My own moans filled the space more than I meant for them too. The pressure of him spreading my legs with each trust, his groin pushing against my clit, and his lips tickling my cheek were too much.   
“His. I- I’m-” I started   
But I was cut off by his lips finding mine again. With just a few more throws of his hips I was buckling beneath him, bracing myself on his shoulders as I came. Not a second after I found my climax, his strokes shortened and his breath heaved in his chest as he came as well.  
We stayed connected even after our peaks, feeling each other up, sucking each other's lips.   
“Stay the night.” I nearly demanded, breaking the silence.   
“I’m so glad you asked.” he hummed as he lifted himself off of me, and stood off the bed.   
Before I could even get the strength to sit up, he had made his way to my ensuite bathroom, presumably to get a cloth. I sat propped on my elbows until he came back, and pursued his usual intimate act of cleaning up the remnants of our sex. Once he was satisfied with how clean I was, he handed me a second rag and stood up straight.  
“You sure? I know you don’t really li-”   
“I’m sure, sweet girl. You don’t scare me anymore.” He teased.   
“Oh, so you were scared of me huh? That’s cute.”   
I sat up completely and used the warm, wet cloth to wipe away the wetness on his groin. We tossed our rags aside with our discarded clothes, and crawled into bed.   
It still felt like worlds colliding to have him in this space. I can’t count how many times I wrapped myself in these same sheets and cried over him. But now I was laying here with his arms wrapped around me, and his fingers combing through my hair. I burrowed into his chest just as my emotions became too much to contain. Try as I might to conceal my sniffles, I knew he heard me. He must have understood me without words, because all he did was tighten his grip and plant a firm kiss to the top of my head. I fell asleep to the vibrations in his chest of his humming, my body pressed to his as tightly as possible. 

When I woke, it was to a familiar sense of desolateness. The bed around me was empty and cold, not even a warm spot from where he once had been. I can’t possibly have an active enough imagination to have dreamt of him in that detail. There’s no way that that was all a dream. Panic racked my body as I struggled to unfreeze. I sat up and whipped my head to where he had been. There was no trace of his existence at all. I leapt from my bed to see if he was in the bathroom, but he wasn’t. Running to check the rest of the apartment, I stopped to open my bedroom door, but noticed a post-it-note stuck to it. 

~  
Just out to get us coffee and breakfast.   
I’ll always come back to you, my love.  
⭐His💧  
~


End file.
